lessons learned

Posted on June 19, 2014 by greg

Hey, everybody makes mistakes. That’s why Plato (or Aristotle or Zorba — one of those Greek guys) said Errare oops humanus est (which is Greek for “Yeah, I know, I fucked up, sorry, oops.”).

Not only is mistake-making universal, it’s also a good thing. Sort of. It can be a good thing. If you realize you made a mistake and you learn from it, it can be a good thing. If you don’t make that same mistake again. If you’re not a total fucking idiot.

Lord Raglan: “Sorry, won’t do that again.”

After the disastrous Charge of the Light Brigade, Field Marshal FitzRoy James Henry Somerset, 1st Baron Raglan (GCB, PC) acknowledged his error and said, “Well, let’s not do that again.” And he never ordered another cavalry charge against a redoubt with a battery of fifty cannons. That wasn’t Lord Raglan’s first mistake; he also had an arm shot to pieces at the Battle of Waterloo. But as his arm was being amputated, Raglan told the surgeon, “My bad, learned my lesson, sorry to be a bother.” And he never had another arm amputated for the rest of his life. Lesson learned.

Captain Smith: “Sorry, valuable lesson learned.”

We see that same resolve to learn from errors in Captain Edward John Smith (RD, RNR). After his ship, HMS Titanic, struck an iceberg in the North Atlantic, Smith turned to his crew in the wheelhouse of the doomed ship and said, “I think we’ve all learned a valuable lesson here. Let’s not repeat this iceberg thing.” Unfortunately, Captain Smith drowned shortly thereafter, but I’m confident that had he survived, he’d have spent the rest of his career dodging icebergs like a ninja. Lesson learned.

Kapitän Prüss: “Sorry, got it now.”

Similarly, Kapitän Max Prüss of the airship Hindenburg (LZ-129) quickly realized the error when his Zeppelin burst into flame at Lakehurst, New Jersey. As the ship plunged to the ground, Prüss stated, “Right, got it — no open flame around hydrogen.” The Hindenburg was the last airship he piloted to explode. Lesson learned.

We all make mistakes. None of us is perfect. Not even Joss Whedon, who helped with the rewrite of Waterworld. But I think we all agree we should reflect on the mistakes we make, and attempt never to repeat them. That’s pretty basic.

Dick goddam Cheney: “Sorry? Fuck you. Fuck you with a chainsaw.”

But not Dick Cheney. Not Dick goddam Cheney. No sir, not Dick goddam fucking Cheney, especially when it comes to Iraq. You’ve probably heard about (and possibly even forced yourself to read) Dick goddam fucking shitbrain Cheney’s opinion piece in the Wall Street Journal — the one he wrote with his galactically stupid daughter — the one that says this about President Obama (and I swear, I am not making this up):

Rarely has a U.S. President been so wrong about so much at the expense of so many.

It’s hard to think of anything to say about a comment that profoundly and fundamentally idiotic and cynical.

But this much is clear. The only thing Dick goddam fucking Cheney has learned from encouraging his boss (that notorious fuckwit George W. Bush) to launch an invasion of an Islamic nation that hadn’t (and couldn’t have) attacked the U.S. is that while the war cost the United States about two trillion dollars (and the lives of some 4400 troops and more than a hundred thousand Iraqis), his corporation Halliburton turned a profit of nearly forty billion. So hey, let’s do it again! Lesson not learned.

Lord Raglan, Captain Smith, Kapitän Prüss, and all the millions of poor souls consigned to the Hell of Seven Thousand Monumental Oops for having made massive mistakes are looking at each other this week and saying “That Dick Cheney guy — what a douche.” Lesson learned.

Editorial note: Above quotes may not be entirely historically accurate.

cane toads of politics

Posted on June 3, 2014 by greg

This surly-looking sumbitch is a cane toad. They’re big, hungry bastards, native to South and Central America. When I say big, hungry bastards, I really mean big; the largest cane toad on record was something like 15 inches from asshole to nose. Weighed nearly six pounds. And I mean hungry; cane toads are ravenous. They’ll eat anything. Plants, garbage, dog food, other amphibians, reptiles, small rodents. These guys have been known to kill and eat birds.

And they’ve been around forever. Archeologists have found fossil cane toads dating back to the Miocene. We’re talking at least five million years ago. They’re survivors. Not just because they’re big, hungry bastards, though that helps. They’re survivors because they reproduce at an insane rate. A single clutch laid by a cane toad contains around 30,000 eggs — that’s like three times the number laid by ordinary toads and frogs.

Because they’re such big bastards, you’d think they’d be a prime target for predators, right? Not so much. Because these guys are also poisonous. They secrete a powerful bufotoxin that can kill most animals.

So…big, hungry, astonishingly fecund, and poisonous. In general, it’s wise not to fuck around with these toads. But people are greedy and stupid, so that’s exactly what we’ve done. We introduced them to sugar cane fields in Hawaii, in the Caribbean, in the Philippines, and in Australia to gain control over rats and beetles and other pests.

And hey, it worked. The toads ate the rats, they ate the beetles, they ate the pests — and then they just kept eating everything else. Everything else. Now cane growers are desperately trying to find some way to control the warty bastards — to keep them in their place. And they’re finding it really, really difficult. .

See these guys? They’re a species of political cane toad. Gun nuts, climate nuts, religious nuts, abortion nuts, conspiracy nuts — all cane toads. The Republican party has turned them loose in the cane fields of political discourse in order to gain control of Congress.

And hey, it worked. The GOP fed these groups a steady diet of fear and suspicion and rage, and they ate it up. Like any invasive species, the extremists found an ecological niche and began to chow down. Initially the GOP.was pleased with the results.

But now things are getting dicey. The Republicans are beginning to see the problem with invasive species. Cane toads don’t stop being cane toads just because the beetles are gone. They’re still hungry and they’re still poisonous, and they don’t stop.

We’ve seen that most recently with the yahoos of Open Carry Texas. A couple of days ago the National Rifle Association found themselves in the improbable position of suggesting the Open Carry folks in Texas might want to moderate their behavior.

[W]hile unlicensed open carry of long guns is also typically legal in most places, it is a rare sight to see someone sidle up next to you in line for lunch with a 7.62 rifle slung across his chest, much less a whole gaggle of folks descending on the same public venue with similar arms.

Let’s not mince words, not only is it rare, it’s downright weird and certainly not a practical way to go normally about your business while being prepared to defend yourself. To those who are not acquainted with the dubious practice of using public displays of firearms as a means to draw attention to oneself or one’s cause, it can be downright scary. It makes folks who might normally be perfectly open-minded about firearms feel uncomfortable and question the motives of pro-gun advocates.

Well, they got that right. When you’re snacking down on your burrito at Chipotle or shopping for a new crowbar at Home Depot, seeing a ‘gaggle’ of armed men enter the premises might make a person really fucking uncomfortable.

The response of open carry supporters? Many have cut up their NRA membership cards. The NRA is no longer extreme enough on the Second Amendment. We see that same response across a wide spectrum of social issues. That’s where the Republican party is today. That’s why there are almost no moderate Republicans in office. That’s why we don’t see any pragmatic Republicans, any environmentally friendly Republicans, any pro-choice Republicans.

Cane toads, by the way, are cannibalistic; they don’t mind eating their own kind.

race or pancakes

Posted on April 24, 2014 by greg

Jeebus in a wheelbarrow, there’s no escaping this guy. Cliven Bundy, the freeloading Nevada rancher who rallied members of Y’all Qaeda to his freeloading ranch to protect the rights of freeloading white ranchers, made some disparaging and racist comments about freeloading Negroes. Quelle surprise!

Cliven Bundy (with a picture of white slave-owner George Washington in his pocket)

This, of course, is a shit-storm complication for all those conservatives who lionized Bundy as a hero. So this afternoon I poured myself a cuppa and poked my nose into FreeRepublic.com. I was curious how they’d react to Bundy’s racist comments.

You can always count on those folks to respond loudly and angrily to almost anything. And they didn’t disappoint. First, they questioned whether Bundy actually made the racist comments.

“There is zero evidence he said anything. This is the NYT on its own with no evidence to back up their ‘hearsay’ claiming he said it.”

“How stupid are American’s supposed to be in Liberals opinions?????? OVERHEARD????? We are just supposed to blindly believe government mouthpieces at the NY TIMES?”

“I want to hear the tape of Bundy making those statements. Then I want forensic experts to validate that the tape is indeed Bundy and is not just a mashup of sound bites using Bundy’s voice. And even then, I wouldn’t believe it.”

And then they heard the tape. And hey, you can hear it too. Fast forward to about the 17 minute mark, which is the point at which Bundy starts talking about ‘colored people’ and their freeloading ways.

http://bambuser.com/v/4549915

Liberty Freedom for God We Stand (and fuck punctuation in the neck).

So okay, maybe Bundy actually said what he was accused of saying. But c’mon, what really matters here — what Bundy said? Or the fact that Adam Nagourney, the New York Times reporter who wrote the article, is gay? Let’s take a guess which is more important on FreeRepublic:

“Nagoureny is a lying, mercenary scumbag.”

“Openly Gay Adam Nagourney of the NYTimes Crafts An Anti-Bundy Hitpiece”

“Fag.”

“He’s openly gay, so there’s no doubt he relished penning this hit-piece about the hated Christian rabble out West supporting Bundy. Nagourney is worse than a simple ‘deadbeat journalist’ – he’s a vicious mercenary who uses his talents to support a bullying, malevolent government/media complex.”

“Nice b*tchslap of the little fag b*tch Nagourney”

Obviously, it’s completely impossible to separate what Nagourney said from the fact that he’s gay. His gayosity obviously taints everything he says or writes. If Cliven Bundy was gay, you think so many patriots would rally to his defense? I’m just guessing here, but I think probably not.

But hey, Bundy is only a racist. So clearly you shouldn’t judge him based solely on his personal views:

“Bundy’s personal views on race or pancakes or anything else have NOTHING to do with this issue.”

“Makes you wonder if people can isolate this land issue from their personal feelings toward bundy. Should the man be destroyed based on this?”

“Bundy’s racism does not threaten anyone. Federal terrorism threatens us all.”

“Even if he did say it, he’s entitled to his opinion. That’s a First Amendment Right, right there.”

“People rallied to Bundy’s defense not because of him. I couldn’t care less if it was a member of the Black Panthers! The Fed are in the wrong. THEY have seized land they have no right to, and terrorized civilians. None of this is about Bundy! THE FEDS ARE TYRANNICAL!!!”

So yeah, even if Bundy IS a racist, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that he should be allowed to graze his cattle on public land without paying the fees everybody else has to pay. Because of the tyranny.

But wait…hold on just a minute there cowboy. Was what Bundy said about Negroes actually racist? Was it really? Hell no, not according to many in FreeRepublicLand:

“What was Racist about it? That he was a White man pointing out the OBVIOUS problems in modern Black culture and the government as the root cause? ”

“[E]ven if he did say it, were blacks better off doing forced labor and raising intact families, or living in fatherless broken families, speaking a jargon worse than jive, and shooting/murdering each other on the streets of America like popcorn?”

“And what about the ones in prison? And there are a LOT of ‘em.”

Yeah! What about those Negroes freeloading off all those government benefits while in prison? Lazy bastards. It’s pretty obvious to Bundy’s supporters that Negroes were better off as slaves because slavery kept their families intact (you know, aside from when they were sold, but let’s not focus on details). Could forced labor be any more detrimental to a culture than speaking a jargon worse than jive AND murdering each other like popcorn. Just like popcorn!

And c’mon…was slavery all that bad? I mean, it got the slaves to America, didn’t it? Land of the Free? You’d think they’d be glad about that.

“Africa is a hell hole and maybe in comparison they would be glad they were brought here. I don’t know, I have never asked the question, I have just wondered it.”

“Slaves were actually rather expensive, and well taken care of—>in most cases<—, so one can say that in those circumstances, ‘they’ were better off than the current situation described by Bundy regards those sitting at the porch with nothing to do.”

Hard to argue with logic like that. If you bought a really good dog, you’d take good care of it, wouldn’t you. Sure you would. You’d feed it and give it a place to sleep and you’d never beat it (unless, you know it needed beating) or rape it (unless you’re a pervert). And if you rescued a dog from an animal shelter, wouldn’t the dog be better off? I’ve never asked the question; I’m just wondering.

“So how is living on the demorat plantation with food stamps, section 8 housing, WIC, SNAP, EIC, Obamacare, Obamaphones, affirmative action, or any of the other 77 welfare programs different than slavery when the recipient has no freedom other than to vote for the “Man” to keep living on the plantation?”

Yeah, how is that any different from slavery? I mean, you know, aside from the whipping and the rape and not having any rights at all. Negroes get food stamps now, which is exactly like slavery.

Somewhere the Ghost of Nat Turner is cheering (or screaming in horror)

And anyway, aren’t we all slaves now? (Hint: yes, we are.)

“Nothing wrong with his statement after all WE are ALL slaves NOW!!! The government damn near DICTATES every aspect of our lives and WE PAY them, their ENTIRE lifestyle and benefits are paid by us, I pretty much call that slavery!!!”

If you think about it, Cliven Bundy is like Nat Turner for white ranchers. He’s just rallying the slaves, resisting the oppression of white ranchers at the unfeeling hands of the arrogant, lawless, and illegitimate Federal government, which is fraudulently overseen by the communist Negro occupying the White House.

And people call him a racist….

don’t count your fleas before they burn the bridges

Posted on April 21, 2014 by greg

You guys! Remember the Usurpathon? Sure you do! Back in August of 2010 when ten thousand patriots (How many? 10,000!) gathered in Washington, District of Islam, in a ‘rolling revolution’ of Constitutional accountability…remember? Oh ‘cmon! How could you forget this:

Out from the depths, out of every seam on the sidewalk, from every neglected corner, from the ether we come–filled with the mission of thousands, and the intention of millions to begin the usurpathon–the siege and removal of the Obama administration. An advance force are we, bringing the warnings, the evidence, the constitutional strategies for stopping the illegal occupation of the White House.

Okay, so maybe there were fewer than ten thousand patriots. Okay, so maybe there were only, like, eighteen patriots. And okay, maybe they weren’t entirely successful at removing Barack ‘The Usurper’ Obama from the White House. But as Benjamin Franklin, the Father of Our Country, said on his deathbed, ‘The journey of a thousand miles begins with breaking a few eggs before they hatch.’

But hey, you have to remember last autumn when one million truckers (How many? 1,000,000!) rallied in Washington, District of Benghazi, and not only shut down ALL of America, but also arrested Congress for not impeaching Baraq ‘Jihad Queen’ Obama. Remember? Sure you do!

Okay, maybe a million truckers didn’t actually show up — probably on account of being totally thwarted by Obama and the National Guard or Department of Transportation SWAT teams in another act of tyranny. Also? The homosexual media refused to cover the patriot truckers (all of whom were heterosexual for girls). So Congress didn’t get arrested and Obama the Tyrant managed to hang on to total control of the world.

It was disappointing, sure — but as Benjamin Franklin said in the Gettysburg Address, ‘You can’t make an omelet without sending a few snipers to threaten a Nevada rancher.’

But the good news? You guys, they’re totally doing it again! Operation American Spring! This is more exciting than Barry Manilow covering the Greatest Hits of Bobby Goldsboro! In just a few weeks patriots will convene in Washington, District of Aborted Christian Babies, to restore “Constitutional government, rule of law, freedom, liberty ‘of the people, for the people, by the people’ from despotic and tyrannical federal leadership.”

Despotic AND tyrannical, you guys! As many as ten million patriots (How many? 10,000,000!) will assemble in the Nation’s Capitol — but that’s not all.

One million or more of the assembled 10 million must be prepared to stay in D.C. as long as it takes to see Obama, Biden, Reid, McConnell, Boehner, Pelosi, and Attorney General Holder removed from office.

Prepared to stay, you guys! Those other revolutions? Total pussies. These patriots intend to occupy Washington (which is probably why they chose May for Operation American Spring — the weather’s pleasant and there are lots of cultural activities; they’ll be there sowing the seeds of revolution just in time for the Mount Vernon Wine Festival and Sunset Tour (bring a blanket!) and the National Asian Heritage Festival (everybody loves a street fair!)).That’s right — these patriots are going to DC and they’re not coming back until…well, that’s not exactly clear. It has something to do with ducks and fleas…

A duck cannot be turned into a fox; an elephant cannot be turned into a flea…The United States of America (elephant) while embracing the “LIE” is teetering on the abyss of becoming a sniveling, blood sucking, undesirable nation (flea).

Yeah, I don’t know either. But the important thing? Ten Million Patriots, you guys! Converging for freedoms and against tyranny, in opposition to undesirable fleas!

So check your calendars; keep May 16th open, because it’ll be a big news day. Unless the lamestream NancyBoy news media refuses to cover it, which c’mon, they totally won’t cover it. But you’ll want to tell your grandchildren you were there (or watching on television) when we took back America from the Islamic Fleas of Tyranny!

As Benjamin Franklin said, ‘An undesirable flea in the hand is worth two burning bridges in Madison County.’ Truer words were never spoke. Benghazi.

supersaturated stupidity

Posted on April 18, 2014 by greg

I thought we might have reached the saturation point in the Bundy Ranch Fuss. You know — the maximum capacity of stupid. A point at which the situation was so deeply and profoundly stupid that it couldn’t hold even one more drop of stupidity.

I thought we’d reached that point. I hadn’t counted on two things. First, the surface tension of stupidity — that quality that allows stupidity to resist external forces, in much the same way an amount of water can slightly exceed the capacity of the glass containing it. Surface tension means you can usually add a little more stupid to an existing container of stupid. Second, I hadn’t taken into account the supersaturation capabilities of Congressman Steve Stockman (Republican, of course — from Texas, of course). Stockman’s highly concentrated stupidity (which has been measured at .92 Gohmerts) allows him to exceed normal stupidity levels. Introducing Stockman into an already stupid situation can dramatically increase the overall volume of stupidity.

Congressman Steve Stockman (R-TX, natch) voicing his considered opinions.

After the Sandy Hook massacre, you may remember, Stockman called President Obama’s proposed changes to gun safety “an existential threat to this nation” that he would “seek to thwart…by any means necessary.” And he did that before Obama even made those proposals. And it was Stockman who invited draft-dodging pedophile Ted Nugent — who Stockman considers to be “a patriot” — to the State of the Union speech. Stockman has claimed that the siege at Waco in 1993 was orchestrated by President Clinton in “to prove the need for a ban on so-called assault weapons.”

The list of Stockman’s assault on intelligent behavior is long and colorful — too long to include here (but wait, just one more: Stockman once tweeted ‘If babies had guns, they wouldn’t be aborted’ and no, I’m not making that up). Because he’s such a dunderhead, I suppose it’s not such a surprise that he inserted himself into the Bundy Ranch Fuss. What did he do?

He wrote a letter to President Obama, Interior Secretary Sally Jewell, and BLM Director Neil Kornze saying:

Because of this standoff, I have looked into BLM’s authority to conduct such paramilitary raids against American citizens, and it appears that BLM is acting in a lawless manner in Nevada…. [T]he federal government must not only stand down, but remove all federal personnel from anywhere near the Bundy ranch…. [BLM has no] right to assume preemptory police powers, that role being reserved to the States.

Stockman (and this may be the only time I’ve ever uttered these words) is absolutely correct. The BLM doesn’t have authority to conduct paramilitary raids against American citizens. However, they do have authority to protect the public lands under BLM management and to enforce the law on BLM property. Which is exactly what they did.

Peaceful Bundy supporters peaceably demonstrating their peaceful disagreement with BLM.

Stockman’s understanding of the situation, of course, is an echo of the stupid shit we’re hearing from the so-called ‘patriots’ of the militia movement. Sadly, when it’s repeated by a sitting Member of Congress — even a nitwit like Stockman — it reinforces the idiocy. For example:

[T]he BLM had no business being armed up like the military in the first place nor did they have any business making an incursion into the State of Nevada. The whole thing was unbelievable. And they wonder why the militia showed up. I said there was a reason why you were not seeing the FBI and the US Marshals.

The fact (and yeah, I realize how useless it is to point out facts to these folks) is that BLM maintains an Office of Law Enforcement & Security specifically to deal with criminal behavior on Federal lands under BLM management (as opposed to US Parks, which has their own security officers). The reason the FBI and the US Marshal Service didn’t show up is because they don’t have jurisdiction. It’s not a conspiracy.

STEVE STOCKMAN KNOWS that Obama is an illegal alien terrorist. He’s been working closely with Arpaio/Zullo on Obama Fraud Investigation.

Well. Yeah. Facts and logic are pretty useless against somebody who claims (and may actually believe) the President of These United States is an illegal alien terrorist.

The Rancher needs to Sue the BLM for violating his Constitutional rights and abuse of authority under the color of law and so should anyone there that was moved, tasked or ordered to do anything by them!

Lawdy. This shouldn’t need to be pointed out, but dude there is NO Constitutional right to graze your cattle on public land. You are making the common conservative error of confusing Things I Do Not Like with Things That Are Unconstitutional.

[W]ho is really calling the shots here??? Who gave the order for the BLM to go in as they did is still not clear. I’d like to know ‘who’ ordered it.

Bonus points for having three (3!) question marks to show how sincerely confused you are. Who really gave the order? That would be any number of Federal judges over the last twenty years, all of whom have consistently ruled that Bundy was illegally grazing his cattle on public land. The most recent order, by Judge Lloyd George was issued on 9 July, 2013. The order states:

Bundy shall remove his livestock from the New Trespass Lands within 45 days of the date hereof, and that the United States is entitled to seize and remove to impound any of Bundy’s cattle that remain in trespass after 45 days of the date hereof.

So after giving Bundy two decades to stop trespassing on public land, and giving him a further 45 days to comply, the BLM gave him eight more months before finally moving in the enforce the order first given 20 years ago. You know, even a flatworm is capable of learning more efficiently than Bundy.

A quick background as to why the BLM should not be harassing Cliven Bundy. This issue goes all the way back to the Confederation Papers, prior to the writing of our US Constitution.

Jeebus on a tortilla, seriously? Did you stop to think the Articles of Confederation no longer apply? (Here’s a hint: they don’t.) Did you ever consider that the US Constitution replaced the Articles of Confederation? (Here’s a hint: they did.)

Why are not Senators and US Representative asking for the immediate resignation of the Reids (Harry and his son from the BLM). With the resignation denial of pension and lifetime medical care. make the criminals pay. I know I may be deluded, but the US Congress critters need to stand up once and for all.

Yes, you are deluded. Neither Senator Harry Reid nor his son can resign from BLM because neither of them are employed by BLM. There is a flaw in your reasoning.

There’s some minimal comfort in the knowledge that Steve Stockman will no longer be a Member of Congress as of January 2015 (though I’m sure Republicans in Texas are actively seeking somebody equally stupid to replace him). There’s not much comfort, though, in knowing that neither Bundy nor his supporters have any respect for public lands or any understanding of the law governing those lands.

It’s really pretty simple. Does Bundy own the land on which his cattle are grazing? No. Has he ever owned that land? No. Can he use that land to graze his cattle if he pays the allotment fee? Yes. Has he ever paid the allotment fees? Yes, in the past. Has he paid his allotment fee? No, not for twenty years. Is he trespassing on public land? Yes. Is he aware he’s trespassing? Yes. Is Cliven Bundy leeching of the American people? Yes. Yes, absolutely yes.

Is this stupidity over? Sadly, no.

i call bullshit

Posted on April 14, 2014 by greg

Right wing extremists were celebrating yesterday. A lot of them are interpreting the decision by the Bureau of Land Management to de-escalate the tensions over the Bundy Cattle Fuss as a victory in the first battle of a new civil war.

We have big escalating issues here with an out of control government. Otherwise this entire government continues down the road to Russian style tyranny and control.

Civil war better now than later!

It will be Western US/State water/ag rights, that drive a new civil war. This battle, will be once again, motivated by Federal vs State. Water rights will be the up-front issue, used to fog the actual take over, by the Feds- of total control of State rights.

From Bunker Hill to Bunkerville…

I confess, I have mixed feelings about this. I think it was probably wise for the BLM to pull its personnel out of the area. It was a volatile situation, with a lot of protesters almost eager for a confrontation. It could easily have turned to gunfire — and it would be completely stupid for anybody to die over something this ridiculous.

Bundy supporters (with the flag of the nation Bundy doesn’t believe in)

On the other hand, it sends a bad message. On the surface, it lends some credence to Bundy’s arguments that he’s a victim of government overreach — which is bullshit. The truth is that Cliven Bundy is like one of those asshats who steal another person’s cable or internet service — only instead of stealing corporate services, he’s stealing taxpayer money.

Let’s look at his arguments. He claims the land in question doesn’t belong to the United States, but to the State of Nevada. That’s bullshit. That territory was ceded to the U.S. by Mexico after the Mexican-American War through the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo. It remained the property of the U.S. Government when the State of Nevada was created, a fact specifically detailed in the Constitution of Nevada:

[T]he people inhabiting said territory do agree and declare, that they forever disclaim all right and title to the unappropriated public lands lying within said territory, and that the same shall be and remain at the sole and entire disposition of the United States

Bundy also claims that Nevada’s ‘Open Range’ law permits him to trespass on that public land. More bullshit, and he knows it. He’s made that claim in the courts and in each case the courts have ruled against him. This is from the most recent court decision:

Bundy is incorrect in claiming that…Nevada’s ‘Open Range; statute excuses Bundy’s trespass. See e.g., Gardner, 107 F.3d at 1320 (under Supremacy Clause state statute in conflict with federal law requiring permit to graze would be trumped).

Bundy has tried every bullshit legal argument he and his lawyers can think of, and each time he’s been slapped down. And he still refuses to comply.

Bullshit artist Cliven Bundy (and the flag of the government he doesn’t believe in)

Imagine a similar scenario. Members of the Occupy movement rent a shelter in a city park for one day. They refuse to leave the public park the following day and refuse to pay another shelter fee. They treat that park as if they own it, building permanent structures on it, killing the wildlife that lived there.

Now imagine that when the authorities show up to remove them from the park, they arm themselves and loudly state they’ll do whatever it takes to continue to use that park.

Police response to Occupy Movement protesters (and the flag Bundy doesn’t believe in)

You think the government would allow them to continue to trespass on that park for twenty years, the way Bundy was allowed to do? Bullshit. Do you think the authorities would hesitate to use force against them? Would those ‘patriots’ in the conservative movement be outraged if the authorities used force against the protesters? Do you think those ‘patriots’ would support the protester’s cause? Bullshit. Do you think those ‘patriots’ would consider an attempt to enforce the law to be ‘government overreach’?

Hell no. There’d be bodies on the ground, and conservative ‘patriots’ would be cheering.

Here’s still more bullshit: Bundy’s supporters were outraged when, during a confrontation in which the protesters attempted to block a road, the police responded by tasering Bundy’s son and pushing Bundy’s sister to the ground. Police brutality! Gestapo tactics! Where was that outrage when force was used against the unarmed Occupy movement?

The fact is Cliven Bundy has spent twenty years using public land for his own personal profit. For two decades he’s been stealing from us, from the people. He’s done that knowingly, well aware that he’s in violation of the law. And yet he’s been treated with astonishing patience by the government — and when the government finally acted, he whined like a baby.

Cliven Bundy is no patriot. He’s certainly not a hero in a new civil war. He’s a cheap-ass crook and he’s hiding behind a flag he doesn’t believe in. I call bullshit on Cliven Bundy.

Addendum: You know how you say to yourself ‘Things can’t possibly get any more stupid than they are right now’ and then hey, bingo — things get more stupid? Yeah, that just happened. A state legislator from neighboring Arizona — Kelly Townsend (do I need to say she’s a Tea Party Republican?) said this about the video of Bundy’s son getting tased:

“Watching that video last night created a visceral reaction in me. It sounds dramatic, but it reminded me of Tiananmen Square. I don’t recognize my country at this point.”

Yes, it does sound dramatic. It also sounds incredibly stupid. We don’t really know how many men and women were killed during the 1989 Democracy Movement in Beijing, but the most reliable estimates are in the 400-800 range. Let’s compare that to one guy getting hit with a taser while trying to assert his father’s right to graze cattle illegally on government property.

Arizona legislator Kelly Townsend (R – OMFG)

I can only assume Kelly Townsend is stupid at the molecular level. So she’s got a great future ahead of her in the Republican Party.

an important first step

Posted on April 3, 2014 by greg

For years, rich people were specifically targeted — singled out in a blatant attempt to prevent them from giving massive chunks of cash to politicians and policy makers. Poor and middle class folks, of course, have always been able to spend whatever they can afford to influence government policies. Thanks to the recent decision by the Supreme Court of the United States, that glaring inequity has been ended.

It’s a triumph for free speech. Oppressed rich people will no longer be denied their First Amendment right to pay for the campaigns of candidates who are devoted to making rich people more rich. Now rich people can play by the same rules as the poor and middle class.

Free at last, free at last, thank SCOTUS Almight, free at last.

Free at last, free at last, thank SCOTUS Almighty, free at last.

This decision is cause for celebration, as John Boehner, the tangerine-colored Speaker of the House, pointed out to a group of reporters:

“You all have the freedom to write what you want to write, donors ought to have the freedom to give what they want to give. And I’m all for freedom, congratulations.”

That’s right, there’s no meaningful difference between the news media freely reporting the news and rich people giving cash to politicians. It’s the same thing! Freedom!

~~Rice Penis~~ ~~Reese Prefab~~ The Chairman of the RNC

That sentiment is echoed by the Chairman of the Republican National Committee, ~~Rinse Prius~~ ~~Prince Rebus~~ Reince Preibus. He called the SCOTUS decision:

“…an important first step toward restoring the voice of candidates and party committees and a vindication for all those who support robust, transparent political discourse….When free speech is allowed to flourish, our democracy is stronger.”

An important first step. Clearly, more steps are required (preferably steps taken in a pair of soft camel-skin shoes by Stefano Bemer). We still have a long way to go before the rich are able to ~~spend their money~~ exercise their free speech without fear of ridicule or disrespect from jealous poor and middle class people.

Our democracy is stronger now that the rich have been liberated from the shackles placed on their ~~money~~ speech. The dark days when the tyranny of the poor and middle class suppressed the free speech of the rich are almost over.

Rich-American Mitt Romney, who hoped one day to transform the US into the sort of nation where he could bank his own money.

Rich-American Mitt Romney, who hoped one day to transform the US into the sort of nation where he’d be proud to bank his own money.

I will remind you of the words spoken by the great civil rights leader, the Reverend Martin Luther King (or the words he would have spoken if he’d been rich):

When we allow freedom to ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God’s children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, rich and those other people, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual…’Free at last, free at last, thank SCOTUS Almighty, we’re free at last.’

Ah, freedom. It smells like dew-covered freshly minted silver dollars in the Spring.

Literally!

Posted on March 12, 2014 by greg

You guys, did you know you were paralyzed? Literally paralyzed. Oh, and scared too. Why are you paralyzed (literally) and scared? I’ll tell you. It’s totally on account of the Socialist President of Islamic Ameriqa, Baraq Hussein Obama. Also, gay folks.

Rush Limbaugh — paralyzed while pointing!

Seriously. I wouldn’t make that up. I literally would NOT make that up. I have proof. It’s what Rush Limbaugh said, his ownself. Literally.

The fact that we are living in the historic era with the first African-American president has everybody paralyzed and everybody scared. Political leadership in Washington is literally paralyzed. Political consultant leadership in Washington literally paralyzed. The Republican Party is literally paralyzed. Many American citizens are literally paralyzed, frightened to death to say anything to anybody about what they really think.

Frightened to death, you guys. And literally paralyzed. Nobody — not the political leadership, not the political consultants, not the Republican Party (oh, and also many citizens) — absolutely nobody is willing to say what they really think. Because if people were to say what they really think, other people might really think they’re literally hateful bigots and asshats (and of course, they’d be wrong — but those other folks, who are probably literally gay, would totally say what they think about hateful bigoted asshattery because they’ve apparently got some sort of gay anti-paralysis gene, or something).

Rod Dreher — paralyzed after stealing Harry Potter’s spectacles! Stupefy!

How bad is it? It’s so bad that Christians are terrified (probably literally) to voice their belief that same-sex marriage is going to totally destroy America and make Jeebus have grand mal seizures. Serious Conservative Thinker Rod Dreher weeps (figuratively) for the oppressed and silenced Christians:

Christians and other traditionalists were wrong to have demonized gay people in the past, and forced them to live in the closet for fear of their careers. Gay rights activists did a lot of good work to end this climate of fear, and to wake the rest of us up to the humanity of our gay brothers and sisters, and to increase tolerance for them. But it is to their great discredit that they have created a climate of intolerance and, yes, hatred, that sends traditionalist Christians into professional closets of their own.

C’mon gay folks! See? Christians admit they may have made some mistakes! You know, in the past. Sure, there are still a few Christians who may have politely suggested y’all shouldn’t be getting married to each other (and okay, maybe y’all should be literally stoned to death), but is that any reason to make them feel bad about their opinions? Gay folks, you are literally oppressing Christians by making them feel they can’t voice their opinion that y’all don’t deserve to get married and be happy (and, you know, that whole stoning to death business). Is it their fault y’all are possessed by demons? Is it!!??

Too paralyzed by fear to speak — must hold up sign!

Okay, okay, maybe some of the things Christians have been saying (literally for centuries) about gay folks might have led to some youthful high spirits and occasional harmless hazing (and yeah, okay, maybe some taunting and beatings, and yeah, okay, terrorizing some gay kids until they literally committed suicide), but surely that should have taught y’all some compassion. Y’all know how it feels to be ostracized — so c’mon, gay folks, practice a little tolerance. You know…toward Christians.

A paralyzed crowd of Christians, too terrified to speak!

A paralyzed crowd of literal Christians, too terrified to speak!

This is America, gay folks! Literally America! Where everybody has to right to free speech (unless, you know, it offends Jeebus). It’s America, and the Constitution of These United States specifically says Christians shouldn’t have to bake cakes for gay weddings (it’s in one of those Article things, or maybe an amendment or something).

So loosen up, gay folks! Don’t take it personally when Christians refuse to bake your wedding cakes. Don’t be so sensitive when they point out that demon-possession thing! It’s not Rush Limbaugh’s fault that Jeebus and the Constitution won’t let Christians do any gay cake-baking (not a euphemism for anything). It’s hurtful to Rush when y’all suggest he’s a bigot. Hurtful, you guys! In fact, I have it on high authority that Rush took the Zimbio Celebrity Boyfriend quiz…and nailed George Clooney (he makes Rush feel like the only girl in the world while it lasts).

Like the only girl in the world — literally

It’s a shame, gay folks, that you have Christians so paralyzed and fearful. It’s a shame Christians don’t feel they can express their truest and deepest feelings with the people they care most about. It’s a shame they’ve been forced to hide who they really are.

It’s just such a shame. Literally.

gregfallis.com

it's this or get a real job

Category Archives: politics