it ain’t just the zombies

I’ve avoided writing about The Walking Dead because, as improbable it sounds, there are people who don’t share my perfectly normal interest in zombies. But almost everybody I know is interested in art and photography. The cinematography of TWD is always compelling — but sadly most zombie fans don’t recognize the artistry involved in constructing those shots. That artistry was apparent in the most recent episode.

A word of warning: this WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS.


In order to really appreciate the photography, it’s necessary to give a bit of background information. Here’s what you need to know: 1) a zombie apocalypse has taken place; only a few survivors exist, 2) everybody is infected with the zombie virus, though it’s dormant in the living, 3) a zombie bite is always fatal, 4) everybody who dies — including those who die of natural causes — becomes a zombie,  5) the only way to ‘kill’ a zombie is to destroy its brain.

A group of survivors has taken residence in an old prison, where they can live in relative safety inside its walls. However, some sort of lethal flu-like syndrome has infected many of the survivors — and when they die…you get the picture. The most recent episode is called Isolation. On the most obvious level, it refers to the fact that the survivors are attempting to isolate their members who’ve contracted the ‘flu.’


On a deeper level, though, the episode is about human isolation. The geographic isolation of the small group of humans in a world of hungry zombies. Their physical isolation inside the walls of the prison (which, after all, is designed to isolate convicts from the citizenry, and from each other). The medical isolation of the sick from the healthy. The psychological isolation of the survivors from each other. And the terrible emotional isolation of the individual survivors from their own feelings.

And all of that is depicted on the screen — through the writing and the acting, of course, but also through the camera work.


Notice how often the cinematographer uses the entire frame — not just from side to side, but from front to back. He deliberately stacks subjects on various planes within the frame. In the foreground of the first shot above we see a pair of eyeglasses attached to a simple grave-marker. Viewers will recognize the glasses as belonging to a young boy, the first victim of the mysterious flu. In the previous episode the boy died, became zombiefied, and had to be killed. In the middle-ground, a pistol — a killing tool, necessity in TWD world. In the background is Glenn, who is clearly exhausted — he’s exhausted both physically and emotionally, exhausted in almost every possible way (the boy with the eyeglasses was attacking Glenn at the time he was killed).

Everything in that shot — Glenn, the dead boy, the handgun — is linked thematically. Every element is isolated from the others. And yet every element is also inextricably linked to the others. The photography supports and enhances those themes.


The same is true of the second shot. In the foreground, two bodies belonging to people who’d displayed symptoms of the illness. They’d been isolated; but somebody entered the isolation area, killed them, dragged their bodies outside, and set fire to them (much of the episode revolves around discovering who murdered these two). In the front middle-ground is the lover of one of the victims — a man obviously in shock. In the rear middle-ground are Rick and Daryl, leaders of the group of survivors. And in the background is Carol, the only one not looking directly at the bodies. At the end of the episode, Carol is revealed as the murderer.

Again, everyone and everything in the frame is thematically linked to everything else. And again, they’re all isolated from each other.


The director and cinematographer also use the frame to instill a sense of confinement. Everything seems to be crowding in on the characters. Even in the scenes that take place outdoors, the characters are somehow confined. In the woods they’re hemmed in by the trees, and by lurking zombies. On the open road — that most American venue — they find themselves quickly enclosed by a herd of zombies, trapped in the vehicle that’s supposed to grant them freedom of movement.

This happens in scene after scene in the episode. The frame is filled in every direction, thematically tight, and psychologically crowded. All those cascading claustrophobic moments create an aura of dread and despair in the viewer. It’s subtle, but very effective.


In the final sequence of the episode Rick is reluctantly preparing himself to ask Carol if she’s the person who killed and burned the two flu-sufferers. They’re filmed far apart; he’s high above her, in a rather judgmental position. She’s small and far below, waiting. He gradually comes down to her level — physically, emotionally, ethically — and asks the question he doesn’t want to ask.

The tension is palpable. She answers simply — yes. And walks away, the distance between them growing. And yet they’re both still linked, both still confined, both even more isolated.

I began watching The Walking Dead for the zombies. I still like it for that reason. Zombies are just flat out cool. But I appreciate TWD for the quality of the acting, the occasionally brilliant writing, and for the consistently amazing camera work.

the distillation of stupid

Let’s just admit it — Ronald Reagan was a colossal fuckwit. The guy believed trees and plants caused more pollution than automobiles; he claimed “There is no word for ‘freedom’ in the Russian language”; he apparently thought nuclear missiles, once fired, could be recalled; on two different public occasions he stated he’d personally assisted in liberating some of the Nazi death camps during WWII.

None of those things are true. None of them. Trees don’t create pollution, there is a Russian word for ‘freedom’ (svoboda), nuclear missiles can’t be recalled for fuck’s sake, and Reagan spent the war in Hollywood making training films for the U.S. Army.

President Ronald Reagan, colossal fuckwit

President Ronald Reagan, colossal fuckwit

Don’t get me wrong — I’m not angry or upset that Reagan was a colossal fuckwit. He was also a genial and amusing fuckwit, and he handled getting shot with astonishing grace, humor and courage. But I am angry and upset that he shaped the modern Cone of Crazy that constitutes the Tea Party by convincing them that the following is true:

Government is not a solution to our problem, government is the problem.

It’s this belief — even more than his complete disregard for science and his total abandonment of rationality — that’s put the U.S. in the position it’s in (and the position we’re in is the oh-lawdy-we-are-so-fucked position).

Government isn’t a solution to ALL of our problems, true. But without county, state, and federal governments we’d be even fuckeder. That’s a fact.

interstate highway

You may hate your morning commute, but it’s made easier and quicker because of the Interstate Highway system. Most of the food you eat, most of the shoes you buy, most of the iPods you listen to, most of the computers you’re reading this on — all delivered to you on a highway. Who built that highway? The Federal Fucking Government, that’s who. Who paid for it? You did, through taxes on gasoline, taxes on cars and trucks, taxes on tires. Whose idea was it? President Dwight Eisenhower — another Republican who wouldn’t stand a chance in the modern GOP.


See that pothole? Who’s going to fix it? You? No fucking way. The Tea Party? Yeah, when yellow bats fly out my ass. No, you see a pothole and you’re on the phone calling the local government, demanding they come repair the damned thing. And they will. Maybe not immediately — but you know why it’ll take so long? Because of asshats who think their taxes are too high and the government is the problem, that’s why.

commercial jet

See that commercial airliner? You know why it’s not plummeting straight into the ground like a giant fucking lawn dart? Because of the government, that’s why. The Federal Aviation Administration requires commercial aircraft to be safe, requires pilots to be trained and licensed, requires pilots to abide by air-traffic rules, requires inspections of aircraft, and basically regulates the hell out of the commercial aircraft industry.

You want to fly under Tea Party conditions? Try Iran Air or Pakistan Airlines, both of which has Texas-style safety regulations — and whose air safety records are 312% and 373% worse than the most unsafe U.S. airline.

restaurant closed

See that sign on the restaurant door? Know why you’re seeing it? Because the damned government is inspecting kitchens to make sure they’re safe. Know why you don’t see these signs very often?  Because the damned government is doing the inspections. Know why we’ve had more outbreaks of food poisoning recently? Because of Tea Party fuckwits who hate government and champion unregulated commerce.

Ronald Reagan said:

The nine most terrifying words in the English language are: I’m from the government and I’m here to help.

You know why FEMA fucked up the disaster relief during Hurricane Katrina? Because President George W. Bush believed Reagan. Because Bush believed government service was a joke. Because Bush put a guy in charge of FEMA whose work experience consisted of running the International Arabian Horse Association. George Bush made Reagan’s words come true.

bush katrina

This is the legacy of Ronald Reagan — a political party that hates government, that wants political power without having to engage in actual governance, that actively seeks to make government dysfunctional, and then complains that government doesn’t work.

Ronald Reagan was a moderately bad president. George W. Bush was significantly worse. And who are the most influential people in the modern GOP? Who are the heirs of the Reagan legacy? These two.

palin and cruzThanks, Reagan.


aimless, but not pointless

It’s probably got something to do with the transitional seasons — spring and autumn. Summer and winter are seasons of certainties and absolutes; you know what you can expect: heat and cold. Spring and autumn, though, are seasons of flux and movement; they’re about the passage from one absolute to another.

Maybe that’s why I feel a greater need to explore the countryside in spring and autumn. That’s where you witness the change.


Saturday began as a dark, cloudy, stormy day with no real promise of improvement. I had good reasons to stay inside — a book doctoring gig that was overdue, household chores I’d put off for too long, photographs I’d taken the week before but hadn’t yet uploaded. Valid reasons to stay home. But I felt restless…and here’s a true thing: I almost never feel restless. When I do, I usually give in to it.

So I went to a nearby lake, with no purpose in mind other than to noodle around and see what there was to see. It was raw outside, miserably damp, and the light looked infirm. But there’s always something to see at the water’s edge. Lake, brook, ocean, river, doesn’t matter — there’s always something to see.


Then the clouds began to fail. The sun took a shufti, and started to wriggle and squirm through the cloud cover. And soon the day had become lovely. It didn’t get warm or anything, but it became comfortable. And the light…lawdy.

I’m sort of stingy when it comes to photography — maybe because I learned to shoot using film. I’ll lift the camera to my eye fairly often, but I don’t always press the shutter release. I’m not particularly conscious of my reasons for shooting or not shooting. All I know is sometimes it feels right and sometimes it doesn’t.

I was out at the lake for about an hour and a half — ninety minutes — and I took about ninety photographs. For me, that’s a LOT of photos.


They call it a lake, but in fact it’s a reservoir built in the late 1960s and 70s as part of a flood control program. It’s hard to believe these days, but it wasn’t that long ago when the U.S. government spent big money on big projects that benefited regular people in a big way. Not only did the massive construction project itself provide a lot of jobs, but the finished lake supports a large community of small businesses.

The lake is a major local recreational area. It’s popular with recreational boaters, with hunters, with anglers, with hikers, with bicyclists (there are bike trails all through the area), with picnickers, with photographers (I saw one guy with a 4×5 view camera), with campers. All of those people spend money on their hobbies. They buy boats and jet-skis (and have them repaired and moored at marinas in the summer and stored in the winter), they buy fishing and hunting gear, they buy bikes and cameras, they eat at local diners and buy gas at local filling stations, they buy camping gear and rent camping sites at the many campgrounds, they buy sunscreen and mosquito repellent, they buy beer and soda, they spend a metric buttload of money every year. All because the government built a 26,000 acre flood protection reservoir. (All of which is to say ‘Fuck you, Tea Party Asshats!’)

DSCF4220bIn the summer, this lake is busy. It slows down quite a bit in the autumn, and on a day that began so cold and unwelcoming it wasn’t surprising that there were so few people to be seen. There were a few people bundled up but still zooming around in boats, there were a few folks fishing, there was a guy with a dog, and another guy wrestling with a large format camera. Lots of gulls, a few deer, some dead fish, a different hawk every few yards, no obvious raccoons or weasels (though a lot of tracks), finches so tiny you could fit two in a teacup.

It seems so quiet when you first arrive — but soon you realize how much sound there is. The waves, of course, and the wind through the grasses. Distant drone of boat motors. That ridiculous but somehow still moving plaintive cry of the gulls. Soft rattling of dead leaves. It seems absurd that the world could be so quiet and still so full of noise.


At one of the many official recreation spots there’s a bath house for swimmers — an open air place to shower and change in and out of swim suits. It’s a purely functional building made of formed concrete. It looks rather like a failed student project from the Soviet School of Architecture and Design. It ain’t pretty.

But, again, the light. Light has the capacity to turn even a butt-ugly bath-house into something interesting. For a moment, anyway.


Here’s an odd thing. When I first arrived at the lake, I spent most of my time looking out at everything. Looking out at the horizon, out at the trees and out over the water, out at the buildings and the shifting clouds. But the longer I was there, the more I began to look down.

Looking out, you tend to see the larger world and the things you notice are large things. Looking down, you notice the smaller world. A world of small stones and tiny plants and odd-looking insects and sand and dry broken bits of wood and dead grasses and clusters of cockleburs. Along the lakeside, it’s a universe of cockleburs.


Cockleburs are really rather fascinating. The seeds, of course, are hard ovals covered in spines. The spines are actually wonderfully-formed hooks, though the tiny hooks are difficult to see without close study. But c’mon, who really looks at a cocklebur? Nobody. You just want to get the wee bastards off. Off your shirt, and off your pants, and off your socks, and your shoes, and Jeebus on toast I’ll bet the damned things could stick to tank treads.

That’s the point, of course. The spiny hooks are an incredibly efficient and effective mode of seed dispersal. But what’s really cool about these remarkably annoying plants is that they’re classic examples of photoperiodism. They’re what’s called short-day plants, plants that only bloom when the days begin to get shorter. Short-day plants have a protein that actually serves as a photo-receptor, which is incredibly cool. What’s even more cool (if you like this sort of thing) is that the photo-receptor isn’t triggered by the amount of light during the day, but by the amount of dark during the night. Short-day plants should actually be called long-night plants.


But wait — there’s still more cool but weird cocklebur stuff. That infuriating egg-shaped seed pod generally holds two seeds — one seed grows the next year, the other seed waits and grows during the second year. It’s a marvelously effective way to insure the perpetuation of the species. If you were to pick a few of those irritating burrs off your socks and boil them, you could make a tea that’s moderately effective at relieving nasal and sinus congestion. Or, you could use the plant itself to make a yellow dye. Seriously. The cocklebur belongs to the genus Xanthium, which means ‘yellow’ in Greek. It got that scientific name from a 17th century French botanist, Joseph Pitton de Tournefort, who was aware that the plant had been used for centuries by the Greeks to create a yellow hair dye.

So the next time you have to pick cockleburs off your shoestring, remember to give a moment of thought to what a truly remarkable plant it is. Then throw the irksome little bastard away (which, of course, is exactly what the irksome little bastard wants).


An hour and a half, that’s all the longer I was out there. An hour and a half, and the clouds began to move back in, the wind picked up, and the air took on a dampness that made it seem colder than it was. An hour and a half, and if I believed in the soul I’d say mine was replenished in that time. Ninety minutes of mostly aimless walking and looking and shooting photos.

And another ten minutes picking the damned cockleburs off my clothes.

can i discriminate just a little bit, please?

If you want to skip all the details, here’s the meat and potatoes of this post:

Betty Ann Odgaard: “Really, I’m not a bad person — I just want to be able to discriminate against gay folks getting married without getting in trouble or losing any income over it. Don’t make me do it, okay?”

This is how it all started: a gay couple wanted to get married at the Görtz Haus Gallery, which is a popular local marriage venue (it also serves as a rather tony luncheon bistro, has a flower shop and a gift shop, and offers picture framing). The owners of the Görtz Haus, Betty Ann and Richard Odgaard, informed the couple that they don’t allow gay weddings in their facility.

The Odgaards, you see, are Mennonites (well, she’s a Mennonite; he’s just a Lutheran with Mennonite tendencies). The Confession of Faith in a Mennonite Perspective states marriage can only be between one man and one woman. Therefore it would violate the tenets of the Odgaards’ religion if they allowed a same-sex marriage in the Görtz Haus.

Unfortunately for the Odgaards, same-sex marriage has been legal in Iowa since 2009. The gay couple filed a grievance with the Iowa Civil Rights Commission, and the ICRC essentially told the Odgaards they were required to follow the law like everybody else. 

Gortz Haus

Görtz Haus

All pretty straightforward so far, right? The law says the Odgaards can’t “discriminate against any person because of race, creed, color, sex, sexual orientation, gender identity, national origin, religion, or disability.” The Odgaards were discriminating because sexual orientation. The Odgaards were told to stop doing that. And the green grass grows all around, all around. End of story, right?.

Not if you’re Betty Ann and Richard Odgaard. Given the choice between 1) following the law and 2) following the tenets of their faith, the Odgaards chose a third option: they decided to sue the Iowa Civil Rights Commission.

Betty and Richard Odgaard

Betty and Richard Odgaard

Lawyers from the Becket Fund for Religious LIberty have offered up a novel legal argument (and by ‘novel’ I mean ‘loopy’). You can read the entire complaint here, but from my reading it seems their argument rests on three points.

Point One — the Odgaards aren’t homophobes. They hire gay folks to do stuff for weddings, they serve lunch to gay folks in the bistro, and they let gay folks buy stuff in the various Görtz Haus shops.

[T]he Odgaards have willingly hired and served gays and lesbians throughout the Gallery’s history

Point Two — it’s not the Odgaards who want to deny same-sex couples the use of the Görtz Haus for their weddings, it’s their religion.

The Odgaards’ decision not to plan, facilitate, or host wedding ceremonies that violate their religious beliefs is an action taken without regard to the sexual orientation of any potential customers. Their decision is instead based on a religious conviction against personally and publicly promoting activities that violate their religious beliefs.

Point Three — if they’re required to choose between following the law like everybody else or following their religion, then they’d have to stop allowing anybody from getting married in the Görtz Haus, and that would reduce their income.

Despite the devastating impact it would have on their business, the Odgaards’ religious convictions would require them to stop hosting any wedding ceremonies rather than knowingly host wedding ceremonies that violate their religious beliefs.

In other words, the Odgaards are simple gay-friendly folks whose religion prohibits them from letting same-sex couples get married in their facility, so they’d very much like the court to let them get by with just this teensy-weensy bit of discrimination so their church will be happy and they won’t lose any income. Is that so unreasonable?

Oh, and if the court won’t allow them a little leeway in discrimination, then the Odgaards would like the court to “declare that the Iowa Civil Rights Act violates the Iowa and United States Constitutions.” They’ve also asked that the ICRC to pay them “nominal damages” for their unfair treatment. Also attorney fees. 

gay wedding cake

I suspect Betty Ann and Richard Odgaard are fundamentally decent people. I believe they truly enjoy putting on weddings at Görtz Haus. And I’m sure they appreciate the income brought by those weddings. I’m confident that what they really want is for everything to go back to the way it was before that same-sex couple complicated their lives by asking to get married in their facility.

That’s how privileged people always feel. They always want the world to return to a simpler and more comfortable time when they didn’t have to consider the feelings or wants or needs of other folks.

There’s a lot of real religious repression taking place in the world. There are places where practicing religion is actually dangerous. But Iowa isn’t one of them. Nobody is preventing the Odgaards from practicing their religion. Nobody is denying them the right to express their religious beliefs. If there’s a conflict between their religion and the law, they have a clear choice: follow their religious beliefs and accept the loss of income from weddings, or follow the law and continue to live comfortably.

The choice may be uncomfortable, but it shouldn’t be difficult.


One of the defining characteristics of an asshat is the willingness — maybe even an eagerness — to be offensive just because they can. Let me be clear about my position here: I believe a free society needs a certain number of provocative, politically-minded asshats to push up against the boundaries of decency and the law. The only way to guarantee your civil rights is to exercise them, and the exercising of those rights often involves a certain amount of asshattery. That said, there are varying degrees of asshattery.

There’s low-level asshattery that’s merely tasteless and offensive. Classic example: Piss Christ, Andres Serrano’s photograph of a small plastic crucifix immersed in a container of his own urine. It’s a deliberately offensive act of artistic asshattery protected by the First Amendment of the U.S. Constitution. Lots of Christians were (and still are) upset (I nearly wrote ‘pissed off’) by it — but it’s just a photograph. We can hang the photo in an art gallery, we can wear t-shirts with Piss Christ on the front, we can make placemats for the dining room table if we want (though there’d likely be some copyright issues).

Piss Christ was originally exhibited in the Stux in New York City, a private gallery open to the public. The photograph may offend, but it poses no physical threat and it can’t hurt anybody.

piss christ

Piss Christ – by Andres Serrano, Asshat for Art

There’s also mid-level asshattery that’s offensive and media-oriented, intended to spark a wide public reaction. Classic example: the fuckwits of the Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka, Kansas. These folks have been demonstrating against gay rights since 1991. Their most common tactic is to picket…well, almost anything they think 1) might be related in any remote way to gay rights or 2) will get media attention. They’ve picketed the funerals of gay men, the funerals of military personnel killed in action (because the military accepts gay troops), theaters that show films or stage plays that are gay-positive (or have gay actors, or were written by somebody who might be gay), businesses and organizations that are accepting of gay rights. They’ve even picketed a local appliance store because it sold vacuum cleaners made in Sweden (Sweden, you see, prosecuted Åke Green, a pastor who preaches rabid anti-homosexuality sermons; therefore Swedish vacuums are…no, that sentence is just too fucking stupid for me to finish).

These demonstrations are deliberately offensive, provocative acts of public religious asshattery protected by the First Amendment. They’re intended to generate widespread attention for the church. Although they’re highly offensive and loathsome, the folks at the Westboro Baptist church aren’t actively threatening and don’t physically hurt anybody.

westboro baptist idiots

Westboro Baptist Church Asshat

Finally, there’s high-level asshattery that’s often deliberately menacing and causes genuine alarm in the community. Classic example: the Second Amendment/Open Carry demonstrations. These are usually held in response to some perceived ‘threat’ against the Second Amendment right to keep and bear arms.

Take the three guys from a gun-rights group called Open Carry Texas. They openly carried their rifles into a San Antonio Starbucks and ordered frappucinos. After being served, they were asked to leave the premises — which they did. They took their guns and drinks outside and sat at the sidewalk tables. Naturally, it wasn’t long until the police arrived. The men told the police they were just exercising their Second Amendment rights; the police ticketed them for disorderly conduct. Disorderly conduct is what we criminology folks call a public order offense, a behavior that disrupts the normal orderly conduct of the community. Three armed men sitting on the sidewalk outside Starbucks can reasonably be considered alarming by the community; it could not only impede sidewalk traffic, it could deter customers from entering the coffee shop, disrupting their business.

But to gun rights nutjobs, giving a ticket to these three men is seen as an assault on the Second Amendment. It sparked this in-your-face demonstration scheduled to be held in San Antonio this weekend.

alamo gun demonstration

Line in the Sand Asshats

This is a deliberate act of political asshattery, intended as a challenge. That in itself doesn’t bother me. In fact, I appreciate a political tactic that serves to demonstrate the limits of the law. What makes the act of those three men reprehensible is that their behavior predictably caused fear and anxiety, unlike most political/social/artistic asshattery which is merely offensive.

The difference, of course, is that armed people have the capacity to kill others. The general public has no way to determine if the armed people they see on the street are potential mass murderers, armed robbers, terrorists, or ordinary citizens with a firearms fetish (though the notion that an ordinary citizen would feel it was necessary to tote a semi-automatic rifle to Starbucks stretches the definition of ‘ordinary’ to the breaking point). 

Alan Gottlieb, Second Amendment Foundation Asshat

Alan Gottlieb, Second Amendment Foundation Asshat

Perhaps the most egregious display of high octane asshattery came recently from the Second Amendment Foundation, who intentionally decided to institute Guns Save Lives Day on December 14th — the anniversary of the murder of twenty children and six adults in Newtown Connecticut. Alan Gottlieb, the founder of the Second Amendment Foundation, explained why they chose that day:

“We are going to use the day to get our views out. We don’t want (pro gun-control groups) own that day…. We are going to be there first.”

Gottlieb doesn’t see anything insensitive about holding Guns Save Lives Day on a day most folks are mourning the murder of twenty six-year old boys and girls. His sympathy is reserved for gun owners. He said,

“We’re not doing anything that’s insensitive at all. Quite frankly, what we think is insensitive is attacking the law-abiding rights of gun owners coast to coast and trying to pass legislation so people can’t have the means to protect themselves.”

This is asshattery of the first order — a sick, twisted, hateful form of asshattery. It’s asshattery with the emphasis on ass.

Do gun rights advocates have the right openly carry weapons on the street? Yes, in many parts of the nation they do. Do they have the right to make a mockery of the anniversary of the Sandy Hook mass murder? Yes, absolutely. I’ll defend their right to even this extreme form of asshattery.

But lawdy, I’d like to see somebody create a work of art called Piss Gottlieb.

UPDATE: After considerable outcry and public pressure, the Second Amendment Foundation has shifted Guns Save Lives Day to December 15th, a day later. Gottlieb stated: “We will not politicize the day and we hope they will not politicize and push their anti-civil rights agenda on the 14th. We’re going to show that we are sensitive.”

I see no compelling reason to abandon my hope for Piss Gottlieb.

media blackout

As you probably know, over the weekend a million twenty thousand eighteen hundred more than two hundred almost a dozen truckers shut down America engaged in a powerful civil protest circled the Washington, DC beltway a few times. You may not have heard a great deal about this courageous stance in face of tyranny because of the widespread mainstream media blackout..

Shutting down America

Shutting down America

Also over the weekend a million military veterans several thousand veterans nearly four hundred people (some of whom might be veterans) few dozen members of the Tea Party rallied at the World War II monument on the Mall under the leadership of Ted Cruz and Sarah Palin, then marched on the White House where they impeached the president stood around for a while and waved a Confederate flag. You may not have heard a great deal about this courageous stance in face of tyranny because of the widespread mainstream media blackout.

On the way to impeach the president

On the way to impeach the president

See, this is the disadvantage of living under tyranny. Widespread mainstream media blackouts make it really hard to shutdown America and impeach the president. Also, it rained — which always puts a damper on a revolution. But so long as millions of real and true Americans are willing to stand up bravely and defy a dictator who is a negro a communist a Muslim a foreigner trying to force affordable healthcare down our throats, then…then…you know, freedom and Benghazi. For all. Amen.

thwarting all over the place

As we all know, truckers are going to shut down America this coming weekend and arrest all those members of Congress who are violating the U.S. Constitution by not impeaching President Obama for being a secret Muslim. Also Benghazi. And fuck healthcare in the neck.

shutdown truckers

Freedom! Benghazi! Guns and Bibles!

At least that was the plan. But you guys, that plan may be thwarted. Totally thwarted! According to a real actual article written by Glenn Ryt on, “unknown White House officials” have approved a plan by the Department of Transportation to use the National Guard “to thwart the three day Trucker slowdown.” See? They’re going to thwart!

How is this traitorous thwarting going to happen? The National Guard will shut down the I-95 Capital Beltway.

The National Guard resources to be used to thwart the truckers will include rifle toting National Guardsmen called up from units that will be coming in from Maryland, Pennsylvania and Virginia.  They will use Guardsmen on foot and using trucks, jeeps and armored vehicles, which will be stationed at all entrance ramps to the Beltway to block incoming traffic starting early Friday morning.

Rifle toting and thwarting, you guys. Armored vehicles at ALL ENTRANCE RAMPS to the beltway! All of them, every single one. We know this is totally going to happen on account of “the paucity of information” on the DOT’s website. They’re trying to hide their plans for trucker-thwarting. The DOT website claims “[D]uring the government shutdown, some online content may not be updated on a regular basis.” You see? DO YOU SEE?

shutdown dc

Second Amendment! Drill drill drill! Fuck healthcare!

That can only mean one thing: the National Guard is totally going to shut down the beltway. This overtly traitorous act is only possible because Obama the Muslim closed down the government — and he did it just before the truckers were scheduled to arrive in the District of Columbia. Coincidence?

Now, you may be asking yourself “Why would Obama shut down the entire government in order to allow the National Guard to shut down the beltway in order to prevent the truckers from shutting down the beltway, thereby shutting down the entire government?” SHUT UP!



Anyway, you guys, I know it’s disappointing, but it’s possible the truckers might have to abandon their plan. They may not be able to shut down America after all. All those Congressional traitors might not get arrested. On account of the thwarting.

this guy, again

I’ve written about this guy before. His name is Paul Broun, he’s a Republican from Georgia (though if Texas ever runs out of nitwits — which seems unlikely — this guy could easily be a Republican from Texas), and he’s got something important to say.

“America is going to be destroyed by Obamacare, so whatever deal is put together must at least reschedule the implementation of Obamacare. This law is going to destroy America and everything in America, and we need to stop it.”

Yeah, I know it sounds like he’s talking about some sort of Extinction Level Event, like an asteroid smacking into the Earth, instead of a health care system…but that’s Paul Broun. The guy has no sense of proportion. Hell, he’s got no sense at all.

Paul Broun, Republican, and some animals he killed and ate.

Paul Broun, Republican, and some animals he killed and ate.

This guy has told his constituents that he believes President Obama might use a natural disaster or a pandemic to institute martial law and rule the U.S. as a dictator. You might think that would encourage Broun to support a health care system that covers more people, since it would reduce the odds of a pandemic…but no, not this guy. He’s even compared passage of the Affordable Care Act to the American Civil War “Great War of Yankee Aggression.”

You have to ask, just how did this guy get to be so bonehead stupid? The answer is he’s stupid because he believes God wants him to be stupid. He believes God wants you to be stupid too, and wants the government to be run stupidly. If you want a government run by morons, then Paul Broun is your kind of guy.

All that stuff I was taught about evolution, embryology, Big Bang theory, all that is lies straight from the pit of hell. It’s lies to try to keep me and all the folks who are taught that from understanding that they need a savior. There’s a lot of scientific data that I found out as a scientist that actually show that this is really a young Earth. I believe that the Earth is about 9,000 years old. I believe that it was created in six days as we know them. That’s what the Bible says. And what I’ve come to learn is that it’s the manufacturer’s handbook, is what I call it. It teaches us how to run our lives individually. How to run our families, how to run our churches. But it teaches us how to run all our public policy and everything in society. And that’s the reason, as your congressman, I hold the Holy Bible as being the major directions to me of how I vote in Washington, D.C.

There you go. This guy says the Bible teaches us how to run public policy. Except for that icky business about “I was hungry and you fed me, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you took me in, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.” Because c’mon, that’s like Socialism.

Paul Broun, Republican, and another animal he killed and ate.

Paul Broun, Republican, and another animal he killed and ate.

Did I mention this guy is a doctor? Yeah, a doctor. A doctor who believes embryology is a lie from the Pit of Hell. He went to the Medical College of Georgia, the 13th oldest medical school in the U.S. For reasons I fail to understand, they haven’t asked him to return his diploma. Also too, because he’s a Republican who is bonehead stupid AND opposed to science on principle, this guy sits on the House Committee on Science and Technology.

So of course he has an opinion on climate change…and yes, of course, it’s stupid.

Scientists all over this world say that the idea of human-induced global climate change is one of the greatest hoaxes perpetrated out of the scientific community. It is a hoax. There is no scientific consensus.

No consensus other than the 97% of climate scientists who say humans are having a dramatic negative impact on the climate.

Oh, and by the way, all those dead animals in his Congressional office? He killed them and ate them. No, no…I’m not kidding. You see, the Bible apparently says it’s okay to hunt animals for food, but not for sport. So if you kill a lion, you have to eat it. Or part of it. Otherwise you might as well be supporting Obamacare and the Devil.

“If I shoot it, I’m gonna eat it. I had roast warthog, it was cooked in a French style. [The lion] wasn’t particularly tasty. It was kind of chewy, but I ate it.”

Now, you may be asking yourself ‘Does this guy have some sort of organic brain damage?” It’s a good question. Part of the answer might be in the way Broun found his way to Jeebus.

He was 40 years old, drunk at an NFL football game, having problems with his fourth wife, and he saw another guy in the stadium…the famous Rainbow Man…a guy wearing a rainbow wig and a t-shirt that said John 3:16. A couple of weeks later, after fighting with his wife, Broun picked up a Bible, read the verse, decided to quit drinking and dedicated his life to Jeebus.

Stewart Rollen, Rainbow Man

Stewart Rollen, Rainbow Man

This guy Broun went on to become a lunatic member of Congress. The other guy, Stewart Rollen, the Rainbow Man, went on to become a lunatic inmate in the California Penal system, serving three life sentences for kidnapping. You know those mysterious ways God is said to work in? This must be one of them.

You want the really bad news? In the last election, Broun ran unopposed. Unopposed. The Democrats couldn’t find anybody willing to challenge this guy. Even so, on election night there were around 4000 write-in votes for Charles Darwin.

Seriously. I’m not making any of this up. We live in a very weird fucking world, people. Very weird indeed.