this guy, again

I’ve written about this guy before. His name is Paul Broun, he’s a Republican from Georgia (though if Texas ever runs out of nitwits — which seems unlikely — this guy could easily be a Republican from Texas), and he’s got something important to say.

“America is going to be destroyed by Obamacare, so whatever deal is put together must at least reschedule the implementation of Obamacare. This law is going to destroy America and everything in America, and we need to stop it.”

Yeah, I know it sounds like he’s talking about some sort of Extinction Level Event, like an asteroid smacking into the Earth, instead of a health care system…but that’s Paul Broun. The guy has no sense of proportion. Hell, he’s got no sense at all.

Paul Broun, Republican, and some animals he killed and ate.

Paul Broun, Republican, and some animals he killed and ate.

This guy has told his constituents that he believes President Obama might use a natural disaster or a pandemic to institute martial law and rule the U.S. as a dictator. You might think that would encourage Broun to support a health care system that covers more people, since it would reduce the odds of a pandemic…but no, not this guy. He’s even compared passage of the Affordable Care Act to the American Civil War “Great War of Yankee Aggression.”

You have to ask, just how did this guy get to be so bonehead stupid? The answer is he’s stupid because he believes God wants him to be stupid. He believes God wants you to be stupid too, and wants the government to be run stupidly. If you want a government run by morons, then Paul Broun is your kind of guy.

All that stuff I was taught about evolution, embryology, Big Bang theory, all that is lies straight from the pit of hell. It’s lies to try to keep me and all the folks who are taught that from understanding that they need a savior. There’s a lot of scientific data that I found out as a scientist that actually show that this is really a young Earth. I believe that the Earth is about 9,000 years old. I believe that it was created in six days as we know them. That’s what the Bible says. And what I’ve come to learn is that it’s the manufacturer’s handbook, is what I call it. It teaches us how to run our lives individually. How to run our families, how to run our churches. But it teaches us how to run all our public policy and everything in society. And that’s the reason, as your congressman, I hold the Holy Bible as being the major directions to me of how I vote in Washington, D.C.

There you go. This guy says the Bible teaches us how to run public policy. Except for that icky business about “I was hungry and you fed me, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you took me in, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.” Because c’mon, that’s like Socialism.

Paul Broun, Republican, and another animal he killed and ate.

Paul Broun, Republican, and another animal he killed and ate.

Did I mention this guy is a doctor? Yeah, a doctor. A doctor who believes embryology is a lie from the Pit of Hell. He went to the Medical College of Georgia, the 13th oldest medical school in the U.S. For reasons I fail to understand, they haven’t asked him to return his diploma. Also too, because he’s a Republican who is bonehead stupid AND opposed to science on principle, this guy sits on the House Committee on Science and Technology.

So of course he has an opinion on climate change…and yes, of course, it’s stupid.

Scientists all over this world say that the idea of human-induced global climate change is one of the greatest hoaxes perpetrated out of the scientific community. It is a hoax. There is no scientific consensus.

No consensus other than the 97% of climate scientists who say humans are having a dramatic negative impact on the climate.

Oh, and by the way, all those dead animals in his Congressional office? He killed them and ate them. No, no…I’m not kidding. You see, the Bible apparently says it’s okay to hunt animals for food, but not for sport. So if you kill a lion, you have to eat it. Or part of it. Otherwise you might as well be supporting Obamacare and the Devil.

“If I shoot it, I’m gonna eat it. I had roast warthog, it was cooked in a French style. [The lion] wasn’t particularly tasty. It was kind of chewy, but I ate it.”

Now, you may be asking yourself ‘Does this guy have some sort of organic brain damage?” It’s a good question. Part of the answer might be in the way Broun found his way to Jeebus.

He was 40 years old, drunk at an NFL football game, having problems with his fourth wife, and he saw another guy in the stadium…the famous Rainbow Man…a guy wearing a rainbow wig and a t-shirt that said John 3:16. A couple of weeks later, after fighting with his wife, Broun picked up a Bible, read the verse, decided to quit drinking and dedicated his life to Jeebus.

Stewart Rollen, Rainbow Man

Stewart Rollen, Rainbow Man

This guy Broun went on to become a lunatic member of Congress. The other guy, Stewart Rollen, the Rainbow Man, went on to become a lunatic inmate in the California Penal system, serving three life sentences for kidnapping. You know those mysterious ways God is said to work in? This must be one of them.

You want the really bad news? In the last election, Broun ran unopposed. Unopposed. The Democrats couldn’t find anybody willing to challenge this guy. Even so, on election night there were around 4000 write-in votes for Charles Darwin.

Seriously. I’m not making any of this up. We live in a very weird fucking world, people. Very weird indeed.


government shutdown explained in two quotes

Marlin Andrew Stutzman is a Republican member of the United States House of Representatives. He represents the 13th District in Indiana.

Marlin Stutzman, Republican, Indiana

Marlin Stutzman, Republican, Indiana

“We’re not going to be disrespected. We have to get something out of this. And I don’t know what that even is.”

Don Fanucci is an extortionist for the Black Hand in Little Italy. He represents the Sicilian mobster Maranzalla.

Don Fanucci, Extortionist, Black Hand

Don Fanucci, Extortionist, Black Hand

“This is my neighborhood. You and your friends should show me some respect. You should let me wet my beak a little… Tell your friends I don’t want a lot. Just enough to wet my beak.”

It’s that simple.

no, no you’re just wrong, stop whining

Okay, just stop. All of you shit-for-brains who keep calling President Obama a tyrant, just stop for like twelve seconds and open a fucking dictionary. Seriously, words have actual meanings; this isn’t Through the Looking Glass and you’re not Humpty-Dumpty.

“When I use a word,” Humpty Dumpty said, in rather a scornful tone, “it means just what I choose it to mean—neither more nor less.”

No. No, it doesn’t. The term tyrant has had the same fundamental meaning since the 13th century. We’re talking eight hundred fucking years in which everybody who wasn’t a complete fuckwit agreed on what a tyrant was.

obama tyrant1


And speaking of fuckwits, here’s Wayne LaPierre, Fuckwit-in-Chief of the National Rifle Association:

As members of the oldest civil rights organization in the nation, NRA members know tyranny when we see it.

No. No, you don’t. You don’t know tyranny when you see it. Maybe that’s because you haven’t actually seen tyranny. But here’s the difference (one of the many differences) between fuckwits like LaPierre and other folks: we acknowledge that a civil right is one that protects individual freedom from unwarranted infringement by the government, and ensures the individual’s ability to participate in the civil and political life of the State without discrimination or repression. Because of the Second Amendment, the NRA is technically a civil rights organization. We dislike giving them that cred, but it’s reality and we acknowledge reality.

The NRA, on the other hand, doesn’t. Because they think they live under tyranny. The same is true of notorious fuckwit Alex Jones.

Obamacare Is The Gateway To American Tyranny!

No. No, it’s not. It’s just a healthcare system. Not only that, it’s a healthcare system you can choose to opt out of, if you’re willing to pay a small fine in the event you actually need healthcare. Think of it like this: you can opt out of the speed limit if you’re willing to pay a small fine in the event you get caught. That doesn’t mean speed limits are the gateway to tyranny, you moron.

obama tyrant2

And then there’s this fuckwit:

Obama wants us to “reject the voices that warn of tyranny”. Well of course he says that, because that is exactly what he is perpetrating upon you and me; TYRANNY !  This president has shown BY HIS ACTIONS, that he doesn’t give a fig about democracy, liberty or freedom. He has gone out of his way to crush Christianity, American values and free thinking.

No. No, he hasn’t. You have to be dumber than dry toast to think Christianity has been (or is being) crushed. You have to be galactically stupid to think American values have been crushed. And not only is free thinking alive and well, so is free expression. Your bone-headed blog is proof of that.

obama tyrant3

Here’s a simple test to determine whether or not you live under tyranny:

If you can call the ruler of your nation a tyrant without fear of 1) arrest, 2) incarceration, 3) arbitrary, non-judicial execution, or 4) any sort of reprisal at all, then you are NOT living under tyranny.

Seriously, you people sound like a bunch of whiny babies. Obama wants to force us to have health care…tyrant! Grow the fuck up. Obama doesn’t think I need a thirty round magazine for my AR-15…tyrant! Well, you don’t need a thirty round clip, but right now you have the legal right to buy one, so stop being a sniveling little bitch about it. Obama thinks it’s okay for gay folks to marry…tyrant! Giving gay folks the same rights as hetero folks does not — and cannot — infringe on your freedom, so don’t wet your pants over this. Michelle Obama says we should eat more fruit and vegetables…tyrant’s wife! The president’s wife is black and a woman and she has opinions different from yours, deal with it.

Okay, you dislike President Obama and you’re opposed to his policies. Fine. That’s perfectly legitimate. But Jeebus on toast, if you truly think he’s a tyrant then all I can say is you are too fucking stupid to breed.

You want to see tyranny? Go pull this whiny bullshit in North Korea. Never mind holding a public demonstration and using a loudspeaker to call the president a tyrant; never mind writing a publicly accessible blog accusing the president of murder and drug dealing and suppression of civil liberties; never mind sitting in a coffee shop and freely discussing your opinions about the president. Just go to North Korea and whisper that the leader of the nation is a tyrant — and see how long it takes before you’re in a cell having electrodes connected to your gentleman’s tackle.

Tyrant…pffft. You people are embarrassing yourselves.

inherit the windbags

New Ulm, Minnesota. You may know it as the Gateway to Mankato, or the Polka Capital of the Nation (hometown of the legendary polka band Harold Loeffelmacher and the Six Fat Dutchmen, as well as accordion virtuoso Whoopee John Wilfahrt). But there’s more to this town of 13,594 good citizens than The Jolly Lumberjack Polka.

New Ulm is also the home of Martin Luther College, where eighty educators teach some eight hundred students to be deliberately and willfully stupid. College faculty recently discouraged students from participating in the New Ulm Actor’s Community Theatre’s production of Inherit the Wind. The faculty expressed concerns about “perceptions that could be formed by some constituents due to the material portrayed in the play.”

Spencer Tracy and Frederic March (Inherit the Wind)

Spencer Tracy and Frederic March (Inherit the Wind)

If you’re not familiar with the play (or the brilliant 1960 film adaptation starring Spencer Tracy), it’s loosely based on the 1925 Scopes ‘Monkey’ Trial, in which a Tennessee high school teacher was put on trial for illegally teaching evolution in a state-funded school. That’s right, it used to be illegal to teach evolution in some states. Essentially, the play is about the conflict between religious faith and freedom of thought. The title, appropriately, comes from Proverbs 11:29.

He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the wind:and the fool shall be servant to the wise of heart.

Martin Luther College ain’t having any of that freedom of thought business, no sir. Nor any of that evolution foolishness. The college is owned and operated by the Wisconsin Evangelical Lutheran Synod (WELS), and WELS Lutherans are pretty strict about creation. The WELS website states:

The Bible and Lutherans teach that at the beginning of time God created heaven and earth and all creatures. He did this in six days. He spoke his almighty word to create all things. He made everything out of nothing.

That isn’t any more stupid than other creation myths (though I’m rather partial to the ones that involve turtles; I like turtles). And hey, it’s their college and they can believe what they want and teach what they want, right?

Martin Luther College (statue of Luther pointing to a passage in the Bible and asking "Who wrote this shit?"

Martin Luther College (statue of Luther refuting turtle-based theology)

But it seems rather cowardly of them to discourage their students from participating in a play that discusses some pretty important issues. It doesn’t speak well of their ministry if they’re afraid for it to be challenged — not in court, like in the play, but by a play put on by a community theater in a town of fewer than 40,000 people. It shows a distinct lack of faith in their students if they’re afraid that acting in a play (or working on the production crew) will cause them to form ‘perceptions.’

The college’s Vice President in charge of Student Affairs put it best:

“This is a ministerial school. People employing our students need confidence about their views.”

Heaven forbid their students might start to think for themselves — then Lutherans who aren’t afraid to talk about faith and evolution wouldn’t engender confidence in their flock.


That, right there, is stupid piled on top of stupid. I really don’t care if they choose not to believe in evolution; they have a right to be ignorant. What bothers me is that this is exactly the sort of thinking that leads to extremism. It’s the sort of closed-minded thinking that leads to abstinence ‘education’ in schools, and rejection of vaccines, and government shutdowns. Be stupid yourself if you want, but surely it’s a sin (if sin exists) to force other folks to be stupid too.

Let me leave you with these words of wisdom from Whoopee John Wilfahrt…

Polka, baby, polka.