where the crazy lives

It’s been a crazy week in a crazy month transitioning from a crazy summer into what promises to be a really crazy autumn. I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “I say, old sock, just how crazy is it?” Ima tell you, but first — stop calling me old sock.

Right. How crazy? I went to one of the most reliably crazy conservative sites ever to be squirted out of a goose’s ass: FreeRepublc. Here are (and I swear, I am NOT making any of this up) some of the headlines and typical Freeper responses from this morning.

Fat black professor of gender studies blames Trump for black female obesity

It’s a link to an article in The American Thinker mocking Brittney Cooper (they misspell her nam), an associate professor in the Department of Women’s and Gender Studies at Rutgers. The article suggests Dr. Cooper promotes “the theory that white people in general and President Trump in particular are what make a disproportionate number of black women obese.”

Here’s a typical response from the Freep community: Ghettopotamus was skinny befo’ Trump. — MrEdd

Five Truths Most Americans Are Afraid to Say

It’s a link to an article from Townhall, another lunatic conservative site. The five truths are 1) God matters, 2) Absolute truth matters, 3) Strong marriages and families matter, 4) the Bible matters, and 5) the church matters. The article can be boiled down to this line: “We need to return to the true foundation of America—the Bible.”

Typical response: [T]here is another truth that is even tougher to say- diversity is weakness. It will ultimately lead to dissolution. Diversity is a synonym for disunion. — freedomjusticeruleoflaw

Does everyone believe Hillary is crazy now?

Another link to another Townhall article about the Clinton/Gabbard fuss.

Typical response: She’s just setting up any necessary narratives for when she gets her ass kicked next November. She will be the dem nominee. No woman will be given a shot at the Presidency while she’s still breathing. — nesnah

Trump Didn’t Sell Out the Kurds by Pulling Out of Syria

A link to an opinion piece in the NY Post, which claims Comrade Trump didn’t betray the Kurds because US troops “…were not in northern Syria to defend a Kurdish government but to fight ISIS. The fight to smash the ISIS caliphate is over.” And besides, “None of [the national media] truly care about the Kurds. Otherwise, they would have been sending correspondents and camera crews to Rojava on a regular basis.”

Typical response: If I were suddenly changed into God for one minute and given a magic button I could press to designate anyone in the world, including myself, to be President in 2016 and 2020, it would be OUR PRESIDENT TRUMP. — libtripper

Pelosi, other US lawmakers arrive in Jordan for meetings on Syria

A link to a FOX News article about the congressional delegation (led by Speaker Nancy Pelosi) in Jordan for meetings with King Abdullah II and other officials regarding the situation in Syria.

Typical responses: I hope that they find some IEDs. — Howie66
MUSLIME COLLUSION!!!!!!!!! — rawcatslyentist
Divert her plane to Gitmo on way home. — 5by5

Chick-fil-A Outlet to Close in LGBT Rights Row [UK]

A link to a BBC article about the closing of Chick-fil-A franchise in the Oracle Shopping Centre in Reading after the public boycotted it.

Typical response: Scrooge Oracle and the camel humpers it rode in on. They are certainly unworthy to host a CFA outlet. — tflabo

Mulvaney insists no quid pro quo with Ukraine after WH comments: ‘I didn’t say that’

A link to a FOX News article which states, “Mulvaney seemed to indicate that the two [withholding US$391 million of military aid and the ‘favor’ of investigating Biden] were connected, but now he claims it was a misunderstanding.”

Typical responses: The administration needs to stop ALL press briefings and exchanges with the demonic reporters. — TexasGurl24
The communists Democrats have current control over the Republicans and twisted Mulvaneys words and meaning. The communists Democrats, all of them, will be hitting Trump hard for the next year and half. Trump is in trouble but still he will a second term. The hard hitting communists Democrats will continue the hit for Trumps entire tenure. — Logical me

And my favorite response to the Mulvaney press conference article: If want a shock look up a press conference from the Obongo Admin. The respect and reverence shown is nauseating. No gothcha questions, no aggressive follow ups. — gibsonguy

In which the plucky patriots of FreeRepublic stand up to the oppression of the Free Press.

It doesn’t occur to gibsonguy that the reason the news media showed a certain amount of respect to President…uh…Obongo is because he treated the media with respect and didn’t lie to them. This is really the essence of the conspiratorial worldview of FreeRepublic. They’re aware the world is changing, that they’re losing their privilege, that the values and traditions on which they’ve based their lives are fading. And they’re terrified and angry about it. They’re also convinced that the reason their superiority isn’t respected anymore can’t be that they’re wrong or outmoded. So it must be because of a shadowy global cadre of hostile, alien, unAmerican monsters are arrayed against them.

And hey, they’ve seen this movie before. A plucky band of right-thinking heroes always wins against the godless heathen monsters.

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walking a post

This is small beans compared to his betrayal of the Kurds, but this morning Comrade Trump is putting the full range of his inadequacies as Commander-in-Chief on display. I’m talking about this tweet:

Two things. First, we do NOT train our boys…wait, three things. First, what’s with this ‘our boys’ bullshit? It’s not as if either of your boys (or either of your daughters, for that matter, or even your own vile self) was patriotic enough to put on the uniform and walk a post. I’m going to come back to this ‘walk a post’ business in a bit.

Second, we do NOT train troops to be killing machines, and we don’t want them to be that. We train them to kill, yes, because that’s always a fundamental facet of military duty. But we impose careful restrictions — rules of engagement — about when and where troops are allowed to kill the enemy. The fact is, indiscriminate killing doesn’t aid in any military objective. Unauthorized killing is a crime, even in the military. In fact, the Uniformed Code of Military Justice is clear that troops are only required to follow lawful orders.

Walking a post.

Third, the very reason Maj. Golsteyn is being tried for murder is BECAUSE he killed somebody in an unlawful way. Here’s what we know happened, and what we suspect happened. We know Golsteyn, a Green Beret, was leading an operation combined with Marine forces during the battle of Marja. We know two Marines were killed and three others were wounded by an explosive device while breaching a doorway. We know they detained the man suspected of making that bomb, and that the materials to make bombs were found in his possession. We know Golsteyn and his unit took the suspect back to their base.

We also know Golsteyn (and others) later took the man off base and killed him. We suspect they buried him in the traditional shallow grave, then returned later, dug up the body, and burned it. We know/suspect this because Golsteyn has admitted it — first to CIA interviewers and later on FOX News. The reason we say ‘suspect‘ is because Golsteyn’s lawyer maintains the killing, the burial, the disinterment, and the burning were part of a fantasy.

We also know this: during the fight in Marja Golsteyn proved himself a hero in other ways. He helped track down a sniper targeting his troops, he helped save a wounded Afghan soldier, and he coordinated multiple airstrikes. He was initially awarded a Silver Star for those actions — and that was later upgraded to the Distinguished Service Cross, which is the second highest medal of valor, just below the Medal of Honor.

I totally understand why Golsteyn wanted to kill the guy. But it’s a violation of every code and law of war to summarily execute prisoners. The fact is, a person can behave heroically AND illegally. The heroism may mitigate the illegality but it doesn’t expunge it. Golsteyn, a hero, isn’t being prosecuted for killing the enemy; he’s being prosecuted for illegally killing a man.

Comrade Trump is incapable of understanding that. And let’s face it, he doesn’t really care about Golsteyn. He doesn’t really care about the battle of Marja or the dead bombmaker. He’s only making a cheap demonstration to suggest he’s ‘for’ the troops, and to insinuate that anybody who disagrees with him is somehow ‘against’ them. His tweet is entirely self-serving.

Standing a post.

Okay, walking a post. Civilians will probably wonder what the hell that even means. Allow me to ‘splain. There are eleven general orders all troops in every branch of the military are required to learn. They all concern the duty of walking a post. Here are the general orders:

  1. To take charge of this post and all government property in view.
  2. To walk my post in a military manner, keeping always on the alert, and observing everything that takes place within sight or hearing.
  3. To report all violations of orders I am instructed to enforce.
  4. To repeat all calls from posts more distant from the guard house than my own.
  5. To quit my post only when properly relieved.
  6. To receive, obey, and pass on to the sentry who relieves me all orders from the commanding officer, field officer of the day, officer of the day, and officers and petty officers of the watch.
  7. To talk to no one except in line of duty.
  8. To give the alarm in case of fire or disorder.
  9. To call the petty officer of the watch in any case not covered by instructions.
  10. To salute all officers and all colors and standards not cased.
  11. To be especially watchful at night, and during the time for challenging, to challenge all persons on or near my post, and to allow no one to pass without proper authority.

Walking a post.

This is basic stuff, but it demonstrates the concept of military duty. I mean, that’s a LOT of stuff to remember considering all you’re really doing is staying awake, walking around, and keeping an eye open for anything out of the ordinary. It’s dull, thankless work, but it has to be done. And take careful note of general order five: to quit my post only when properly relieved. That means IF you’re walking a post and you’re unlucky enough to have some ugly shit come down on you — an enemy attack, a fire starts, an explosion happens, a swarm of killer bees arrives, a tornado drops on you — you’re expected to stay right there at your post and just deal with it. Let me repeat that: you’re expected to stay there and deal with it. That’s your duty. That’s your job.

That guy you see in the movies, the one with the binoculars who’s scanning the horizon line? He’s walking a post. That guy you see walking back and forth in front of the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier? He’s walking a post. That guy you see apparently wandering around a barracks yard at three in the goddamn morning? He’s walking a post.

Walking a post.

On every military installation in the world, every minute of every hour of every day of the year, regardless of the weather and circumstance, you’ve got some poor bastard doing his duty, walking a post. Because that’s what it takes to keep your people safe.

Keeping people safe is also the duty of the President of the United States. Comrade Trump is derelict in his duty.

wetting the beak

It’s like this. Remember when young Vito Corleone is driving his delivery truck down the street in Little Italy, just trying to make semi-honest living, and suddenly Don Fanucci of the Black Hand swings aboard? And Vito looks at him like “Dude, what the actual fuck are you doing, swinging aboard my goddamn truck? I’m working here.”

Newbie gangster can’t even drive a damn truck without some Black Hand mobster in a white suit slotting in and giving him a ration of shit.

Then Don Fanucci explains. He says:

“Young man, I hear you and your friends are stealing goods. But you don’t even send a dress to my house. No respect! You know I’ve got three daughters. This is my neighborhood. You and your friends should show me some respect. You should let me wet my beak a little… Tell your friends I don’t want a lot. Just enough to wet my beak.”

That’s basically what Comrade Trump did during his phone call with the newly-elected president of Ukraine. But he wasn’t looking for dresses for Ivanka. He was looking for dirt on Joe Biden. And, like Don Fanucci, he didn’t care how President Zelensky came by the dirt — or even if the dirt was true. He just wanted the dirt. According to the ‘transcript’ the White House released to the public, Trump says:

“I would like you to do us a favor though because our country has been through a lot… I would like you to find out what happened with this whole situation with Ukraine… I guess you have one of your wealthy people… The server, they say Ukraine has it. There are a lot of things that went on, the whole situation… I would like to have the Attorney General call you or your people and I would like you to get to the bottom of it.”

If anything, Comrade Trump was nastier than Don Fanucci. Imagine if Fanucci had said, “Vito, paisan, you got a new baby, you got a nice apartment with a toilet you don’t have to share with neighbors. You want to keep those things, you should wet my beak, capiche?” That’s basically what Trump said in his chat with Zelensky.

Zelensky needed some Javelin missiles — these are portable fire-and-forget anti-tank missiles — to keep the Russian Army from seizing more Ukrainian territory. Trump basically told him, “Look, you guys got Russians at your gate. You need missiles. I got missiles. You can have those missiles. I’d love to give you those missiles. But first you got to wet my beak.”

Comrade Trump is not your daddy’s mafia don. He’s a cheap imitation, made in China, shoddy construction.

But here’s the thing. In the old mafia movies, they play up the concept of omertà. The Sicilian Mafia code of silence. You don’t rat. Ever. You get caught, you stay quiet. It’s a matter of honor, of discipline, of loyalty. You don’t rat.

Comrade Trump is no mafia don. He has no honor, he has no discipline, he doesn’t inspire loyalty. The Trump administration is comprised entirely of rats-in-waiting. His people aren’t soldati. They’re not made men. They’re sycophants. They’ll turn on Trump in a New York minute to save their own asses.

And like Don Fanucci, Trump will eventually get what’s coming to him. Okay, I admit the analogy breaks down here. Nobody is going to drop Trump the way Vito did Fanucci, and nobody would really want that. But right now the House Judiciary Committee is wrapping a metaphorical towel around a metaphorical revolver and is waiting for a metaphorical Feast of Saint Rocco.