workin’ in the house of maga

It’s the fourth day of the new Republican-controlled House of Representatives, and it’s astonishing to witness just how much stupid, horrific shit they’ve managed to spread in that short time. There’s the big, obvious stupid, horrific shit–like the stupid, horrific new House Committee on the Weaponization of Government, or the stupid, horrific way they’ve gutted the Office of Congressional Ethics just as they’re examining the Members of Congress who refused to honor the subpoenas issued by the Jan. 6 committee. But the House of MAGA has also given some attention to smaller and less obvious stupid, horrific shit.

For example, they went to the bother of changing the name of the House Committee on Education and Labor. It’s now called the House Committee on Education and the Workforce. Why, you ask, would they change ‘labor’ to ‘workforce’? Because changing the name complies with the House of MAGA’s prime directive: piss off the libs.

“Hey, good news! We’re no longer laborers! Now we’re part of a workforce!”

The Chair of the new House Committee on Education & the Workforce is Virginia Foxx of North Carolina. Rep. Foxx has a long Congressional history of being stupid and horrific. Back in 2005, she voted against the aid package for the victims of Hurricane Katrina. She claimed the murder of Matthew Shepard was “a very unfortunate incident” but not a hate crime (“We know that that young man was killed in the commitment of a robbery. It wasn’t because he was gay“). She opposed Obamacare, saying “We have more to fear from the potential of the Affordable Health Care Act passing than we do from any terrorist right now in any country.” She voted against Comrade Trump’s impeachment twice. She was one of the Members of Congress who opposed the certification of the 2020 vote. And she opposes all abortion, even in the case of rape, incest, or the health of the mother.

The House of MAGA; The Intersection of Stupid and Horrific.

Rep. Foxx, in her role as Chair of the House Committee on Education and the Workforce, offered an explanation for the change in name.

“‘Labor’ is an antiquated term that excludes individuals who contribute to the American workforce but aren’t classified as conventional employees. ‘Labor’ also carries a negative connotation that ignores the dignity of work; the term is something out of a Marxist textbook…. The Left prefers the term labor because it creates a sense of enmity between employees and employers which union bosses and left-wing activists seek to stoke for political gain…. Though the Left likes to treat employers like predators, we know that most job creators have their employees’ best interests in mind”

See, the ‘Left’ is only interested in workers the workforce for political gain, which is unAmerican and unpatriotic and therefore wrong. Employers, on the other hand, are only interested in financial gain, which is very American and patriotic and therefore right. Okay, maybe worker productivity rose more than 60% over the last forty years while worker workforce pay rose less than 18% (after adjusting for inflation). But hey, they’ve still got plenty of that ‘dignity of work’ to keep them happy, right? Where’s the dignity in ‘labor‘?

Also? Workforce sounds like they could be a team of Marvel superheroes. Isn’t that as good as money? Would Workforce America! ™ ask for safe working conditions? Hah!

Over the next two years we can expect to see much more stupid, horrific stuff across every scale of government. They hope we will be numbed by the barrage of stupid, horrific stuff. There’s a danger they could be right.

don’t shit in the swimming pool

Okay, here’s an analogy. Twitter is a swimming pool. A large pool, an Olympic-sized pool. It’s privately owned, but open to the public.

People come. Some just want to splash around, some want to swim laps, some just want to hang out poolside, some want to train for a swim meet, some want to cannonball into the pool and make a big splash, some want to practice diving. It’s a big pool, so even if some jackass is playing Nickleback on a bluetooth speaker instead of using headphones, you can move to the other end where it’s less annoying. It’s far from perfect, but you still come because it’s the biggest pool around and all your friends hang out there.

The pool has a few loose rules. You break the rules, you can get your ass booted out of the pool. One of the fundamental rules: Keep Litter Out of the Pool. Nobody wants to swim in a pool that has old candy wrappers and cigarette butts floating around in it.

That’s Old Twitter. New Twitter is different.

New Twitter is owned by a rich, arrogant, bone-ignorant narcissist who thought it would be fun to own his own swimming pool. To save money, he’s fired the concession stand workers, the maintenance workers, and the lifeguards. He also feels some folks who’ve been evicted for littering were treated unfairly. He feels they contribute to the swimming pool community, that perhaps the litter makes swimming more challenging and immediately vital.

So he’s re-invited them back.

Now, feeling vindicated for littering, they’re gleefully shitting in the pool.

And the new owner suggests folks who are reluctant to swim in the pool now aren’t really committed to swimming.

no, donald

We all know former president Comrade Trump has no respect for the US Constitution. I mean, he’s never been shy about that, has he. The guy has been committing crimes without any serious repercussions for decades. But he’s rarely so openly dismissive of the Constitution as he was yesterday. You’ve probably already seen the comment he made on his social media site, but it’s awful enough that it deserves repeating.

We can safely ignore that ‘revelation’ he’s talking about because it’s seriously stupid. It’s grounded in the belief that Twitter’s decision in 2020 NOT to allow posts with dick pics stolen from a private laptop allegedly owned by Hunter Biden is somehow a violation of the First Amendment of the Constitution. You can’t make this shit up.

Let’s also ignore the fact that Trump put “Founders” in quotation marks, as if the title is an exaggeration. And let’s further ignore his bullshit about “massive & widespread fraud & deception” because that’s either delusional thinking or deliberate lying (or possibly both). And while we’re ignoring stuff, let’s ignore Trump’s ridiculous assertion that his baseless claims of fraud magically ‘allows’ us to put aside “all rules, regulations, and articles, even those found in the Constitution” because Jesus suffering fuck, that’s idiotic.

Instead, let’s look at how Comrade Trump’s base has reacted to his statement. And for that, we have to hold our nose and go wading through the fetid waters of FreeRepublic.

Not surprisingly, a lot of Freepers initially refused to believe Trump actually made that statement. They felt the post must be a lie or, more likely, another demonic Democratic-commie false flag propaganda effort.

Are these confirmed posts by Trump?
posted on 12/3/2022, 7:01:51 PM by EEGator

There is no suggestion of terminating the Constitution; however, it appears to suggest that this is exactly what Biden is doing right now.
posted on 12/3/2022, 7:26:06 PM by Olog-hai

But, of course, he did actually post that. Once it was confirmed, the majority of Freepers found it necessary to ‘interpret’ what Trump really meant, because clearly he wouldn’t suggest violating the Constitution. So what did Trump really mean when he said fraud “allows for the termination of all rules, regulations, and articles, even those found in the Constitution”?

I don’t think he’s actually suggesting that we take extra-Constitutional measures, just that we will wish that we had before we had to.
posted on 12/3/2022, 7:35:40 PM by Jonty30

When Trump says “even those found in the Constitution,” he’s speaking of the 12th amendment counting of Electoral College votes. He suggesting that if the election was based on fraud, then the 12th amendment legally counted fraudulent Electoral College votes and should be set aside.
I’m not endorsing his argument, but he’s clearly not suggesting that the Constitution be terminated.
posted on 12/3/2022, 7:59:09 PM by Political Junkie Too

He is merely calling for the restoration of the constitution, by rectifying the deep state monkey wrench that was jabbed into it in 2020 (and 2016, 2018, 2022, etc).
posted on 12/3/2022, 8:12:06 PM by C210N

Some Freepers, of course, were perfectly happy with the idea of Trump ditching the Constitution and seizing control of the country. That pesky Constitution just got in the way, keeping him from doing what needed to be done to protect…well, the Constitution. And also make America great.

He has a point doesn’t he?
posted on 12/3/2022, 7:08:30 PM by isthisnickcool

Anyone who doesn’t think the Democrats aren’t trying to terminate the constitution and replace it with progressive socialism is a fool. I’ll take Trump’s alternative any day.
posted on 12/3/2022, 7:16:27 PM by bigbob

Fine by me.
posted on 12/3/2022, 8:12:34 PM by going hot

Maybe that’s why our great founders had no thought of popular voting as a means of appointing a President.
posted on 12/3/2022, 8:21:12 PM by Jim Noble

That’s the stuff I was expecting to find on FreeRepublic. A lot of ‘damn the Constitution, full speed ahead’ alpha-male bravado. But surprisingly (to me, anyway) at least a third of Freepers called Trump out. Many were decidedly and decisively against terminating the Constitution; others thought it was merely a bad idea.

So as someone who’s sworn multiple times to support and defend the Constitution with my life, that’s slightly problematic.
posted on 12/3/2022, 7:02:09 PM by quikstrike98

No, Donald.
posted on 12/3/2022, 7:03:40 PM by Mr.Unique

Greatest president ever. Now shut up and go away. You will not get the nomination. And only a fool would vote for you as a third party candidate.
posted on 12/3/2022, 7:10:05 PM by rrrod

Termination of the Constitution’s rules? That actually does sound fascist. I am adamantly opposed to this suggestion.
posted on 12/3/2022, 7:23:16 PM by Golden Eagle

In my opinion this would disqualify Trump from ever being considered for POTUS.
posted on 12/3/2022, 7:32:23 PM by xkaydet65

Face it, your lord and savior Trump would burn the Constitution itself if it meant he could regain power. You’ve been conned.
posted on 12/3/2022, 8:05:25 PM by thefactor

Trump seems to be saying that we must go past the Constitution to set things right. Well, that’s exactly how banana republics work.
posted on 12/3/2022, 8:12:37 PM by Leaning Right

That sort of angry opposition from Freepers is unexpected and downright shocking. It’s a good shock, to be sure, but lawdy it’s a massive tectonic shift in the hard-core conservative firmament (and yes, I know there’s no plate tectonics in the heavens, but you know what I mean).

Comrade Trump molesting an innocent flag.

However, there was also a minority of Freepers who wished Trump would rescind the Constitution and were openly angry with him because he hadn’t done it already and wouldn’t do it in the future.

Trump doesn’t have the balls to do anything of the sort, just look at how he allowed BLM and Antifa to burn the nation’s cities in 2020 with barely a whimper. A President with balls would have declared a national emergency, suspended habeous corpus, and sent the Marine Corps out to arrest the enemies of the USA. But he did nothing. So when the rubber meets the road, I doubt President Trump will have the courage to act.
posted on 12/3/2022, 8:36:36 PM by rod5591

This is just a small sample of the more than 450 posts in a single discussion thread, but I think it accurately illustrates the scope of the Freeper discussion. Here’s the thing: this is Comrade Trump’s base. These are the people who followed him with almost religious fervor. These are the people he counted on to stop the peaceful transfer of power on January 6th, and who came close to succeeding. These are the people he’s counting on to support him in the 2024 election.

And a sizable proportion of them apparently aren’t going to do it. If Comrade Trump has lost a significant number of Freepers, he’s effectively done as a viable presidential candidate in 2024. He’s still a threat to democracy, of course, and his true believers remain a danger to civil society, but IF (and yeah, that’s a big IF) these posts are representative, then Trump has managed to kneecap himself.

As another Republican said, “You can fool all the people some of the time and some of the people all the time, but you can’t fool all the people all the time.” I’m not sure Lincoln actually said that, but it’s a good line. I hope it’s true.

motive is a mystery

News Media: Bizarre hammer assault on Speaker Pelosi’s husband.
Suspect: I was after Nancy.
News Media: Law enforcement has offered no motive for the attack.
Suspect: I wanted to kill Nancy.
News Media: Police silent on Pelosi attacker’s intentions.
Suspect: Really, I just wanted to kill Nancy. I guess she wasn’t there.
News Media: Did divisive political rhetoric play a part in attack?
Suspect: Everybody on FOX says Nancy is a monster, so I wanted to kill her. You know…with a hammer.
News Media: Pelosi needed brain surgery after hammer attack.
GOP: CA should relax gun laws so Pelosi could have defended himself from hammer-wielding attacker. Dems not tough on crime.
Suspect: I would have used a gun, but this is California and I can’t buy one.
FOX News: Lots of people injured in hammer attacks in CA. Why lib media focused on this one minor assault? Pelosi didn’t even die.
News Media: Unconfirmed report: Pelosi attacker said to be dressed in his underwear.
Suspect: I’m a hammer killer, not a pervert. Fully dressed. In camo.
Elon Musk: An obscure news source that once claimed Hilary Clinton was dead and replaced by a body double says the attack MAY have some kinky gay thing going on.
GOP: After recent DUI arrest, Paul Pelosi engaged in extramarital gay hammer sex party.
News Media: Uh, well, okay, maybe?
Suspect: Look, all I wanted to do was kill Nancy then go monitor voting drop boxes like any other normal patriotic American. I’m a victim of cancel culture.

News Media: Sources say Pelosi lured hammer suspect with offers of twisted gay sex.
Suspect: Wait, what? No.
News Media: GOP claims prosecution of Pelosi hammer attacker is politically motivated.
Suspect: I’m announcing my candidacy for Gov. of Cali, which I’ll win unless the votes are tampered with.
GOP: Vote for us, we’ll hammer Biden and his gay socialist agenda!

EDITORIAL NOTE: Today, 10-31-22, the FBI released an eight page affidavit “for the limited purpose of securing a criminal complaint and arrest warrant” for the asshole who assaulted Paul Pelosi with a hammer. It includes statements made by David DePape outlining his motives for breaking into the Pelosi hom. You can read the affidavit here.

Will this end the wild speculation by Republicans and other conspiracy theory fuckwits?

Nope.

big problems

Recently Comrade Trump had a radio interview with one of his media flunkies, Hugh Hewitt, during which he commented on his possible probable inevitable indictment. He seemed to be balanced between denial that it will happen and making blustery threats about what to expect when it happens. He said,

“I don’t think the people are going to stand for it. […] But I think if it happened, I think you’d have problems in this country the likes of which perhaps we’ve never seen before. I don’t think the people of the United States would stand for it. […] I think they’d have big problems, big problems. I just don’t think they’d stand for it. They will not, they will not sit still and stand for this ultimate of hoaxes.”

I suspect Trump is fantasizing his indictment will spark massive demonstrations across the nation, demonstrations that will turn violent. He’s probably imagining hundreds of mini-1/6 insurrections, in which his fans will rise up and terrorize the government into returning him to power. Fantasies of young, virile white guys wearing polo shirts carrying torches through the streets at night, chanting his name; white folks in camo with ALICE packs they bought on Amazon, holding Trump flags and storming the local city hall.

That, I suspect, is his fantasy. His actual hopes are probably smaller — like keeping enough power to bully GOP politicians and being able to continue scamming yobbos, gits, and idjits out of large chunks of their Social Security checks.

That said, Trump is probably sorta kinda right. There will be problems when he gets indicted. Because many of his fans are fucking QAnon lunatics. Sure, there’ll be protests and marches, but when Trump gets indicted, there’ll probably also be some incidents of stochastic terrorism. Some may be well-planned and organized, but most will likely be slipshod and stupid — like that already-forgotten fuckwit who decided to storm the FBI office in Cincinnati.

But yeah, there’ll be some violence. And yeah, some folks will get hurt. Some people may die. Which will give Comrade Trump a momentary jolt of dopamine, because he enjoys cruelty and loves the notion that there are people who’ll commit violence in his name. It may make him feel worthy for a short time. But it won’t change anything.

I’m confident Trump will be indicted eventually. I have no idea if he’ll ever face trial. If he faces trial, I’m not confident he’ll get an impartial jury. But if he does, I’m pretty certain an impartial jury would probably convict him. Even if he’s tried and convicted, it seems unlikely he’ll do any time. Not just because he’s former POTUS, but because he’s rich and old and in shitty health.

Among the many awful things Trump has done, is this: he’s made us all a bit more cruel too. Not just his fans and followers, who may be prone to cruelty anyway, but those of us who generally aren’t cruel by nature. Many ordinarily decent people will take perverse pleasure in Trump’s disgrace and humiliation.

I know I will. I’m not happy about that. I’m actually ashamed of it. But there it is.

Comrade Trump predicts/threatens big problems when he’s indicted? We already have big problems. He’s the source of many of them.

c’mon, we’re talking about elves here

In yet another episode in the continuing saga of Whiny-ass Complaints of Butt-hurt MAGA Fuckwits we learn there are people who are offended by the notion that elves aren’t necessarily White People. Seriously. This idiotic fuss is about the new Lord of the Rings prequel that has apparently just been released (see Editorial Note at the end).

“Casting a non-White actor to play an elf makes it more difficult for audiences to maintain their willing suspension of belief.”

No, it doesn’t. Casting a non-white actor to play an elf makes it more difficult for racist assholes to maintain their willing suspension of disbelief. The quote above was, according to CNN, from Louis Markos, who is apparently the author of From A to Z to Middle Earth with J.R.R. Tolkien.

This Markos guy gets at least three things wrong. First, of course, is he misquotes Samuel Taylor Coleridge’s phrase– the willing suspension of disbelief. Back in 1817, Coleridge suggested that if a writer introduced “‘human interest and a semblance of truth’ into a fantastic tale, the reader would suspend judgement concerning the implausibility of the narrative.” This is why television viewers were willing to watch 12 seasons of Murder, She Wrote–they were willing to suspend their disbelief that Jessica Fletcher encountered more than 250 murders in the small Maine village of Cabot Cove. All fiction depends to some degree on the reader/viewer’s willing suspension of disbelief.

Second, Markos says casting actors of color as elves threatens the story’s ‘believability’ because Tolkien described elves as “fair-faced.” The term fair comes from the Old English term fæger, which when applied to living things meant “pleasing to the eye, attractive” and when applied to weather meant “clear, bright, pleasant”. Tolkien, remember, was an academic who studied Old English and Anglo-Saxon literature, and had at one time worked for the Old English Dictionary as an expert in etymology. He knew what ‘fair’ meant and how it applied to faces. Markos clearly doesn’t. Or–and I suppose this is a real possibility–he simply doesn’t believe non-White folks can be pleasing to the eye. It’s fucked up either way.

Wait…what’s this? Could it be? Elves of color? What?

Third, Markos claims casting actors of color “…is not something organic that’s coming out of Middle-earth. This is really an agenda that is being imposed upon it.” He’s almost got a point here. Almost. Tolkien’s Middle-earth is based on the Norse Miðgarðr, which they broadly described as the world “inhabited by and known to humans.” In the literature, Miðgarðr actually referred to the defensive wall around the world constructed by the gods from the eyebrows of the giant Ymir (which, by the way, requires some serious fucking suspension of disbelief). But Tolkien used Middle-earth to describe an imaginary period of the Earth’s past when peoples other than Men (elves, dwarves, trolls, hobbits, orcs, ents, etc.) still inhabited the planet, although in dwindling numbers. His Middle-earth did sort of correspond to western Europe in terms of geography.

But to my knowledge, there’s nothing Tolkien wrote to suggest peoples other than Men (and Tolkien used ‘Men’ to refer to all humankind) were necessarily White. I mean, we’re talking about elves here. If you can’t deal with Black or Asian or Indonesian or pick-a-race elves, then the problem isn’t your capacity to suspend disbelief. The problem is you’re a racist asshole.

EDITORIAL NOTE: I haven’t seen the show I’m talking about, which ordinarily would be a problem. But in this instance, the show itself is less important than the books on which the story is based and the credentials of the person who wrote them. I haven’t been inclined to watch the show, mainly because I had the misfortune of watching the first of Peter Jackson’s wretched interpretation of The Hobbit. That was enough to eradicate any desire to see any new visualization of Tolkien’s work.

But I’m actually hearing good things about this show from people who were as skeptical about it as I was. So at some point I’ll probably watch it.

Also? I usually like to include an image in these blog posts, and I did a quick image search for Rings of Power and saw some images of POC in costume, but since I couldn’t see their ears I’ve no idea if they were meant to be elves or something else. I didn’t want to just drop in some random image of a Black actor who may or may not be an elf, so…no image.

EDITORIAL NOTE 2: Thanks to Mark Alexander, we now have an imbedded image to demonstrate…well, I’m not exactly sure what it demonstrates. That actors of color can play non-human roles in fantasy stories? We already knew that. I guess it demonstrates just how fucking idiotic it is for racists to get frantic about Black actors getting gigs as elves.

the price of being a mook

And by the way, no. No, there’s no “rich debate about whether or not a document is declassified if a president has decided but not communicated it outside of his own head.” Jesus suffering fuck, people. I mean, just listen to yourselves.

Okay, now as I was saying…wait, where was I?

Right, I hadn’t even started yet. Okay, as I was about to say, it’s a job of work being a Trump martyr. I’m thinking about this mook Ricky Shiffer. You know, the MAGA fuckwit who decided to start the War Against the Deep State by attacking an FBI office in Cincinnati, Ohio. First, you’re never going to make it to the Martyr Hall of Fame if your name is Ricky. Ricky is a fine name for a second baseman on a minor league team or the regional manager for a company that sells convenience store snack cakes. But not for a martyr. Rick would have been okay. Richard would work. But Ricky? Never gonna happen.

Second, Cincinnati? It’s a fine city, no mistake, with wonderful architecture, some very fine sports teams, the home of a truly great ice cream (Graeter’s black raspberry chocolate chip is exquisite) and a rich history of riverboats exporting pork products. But it’s not on the list of Best Places to Take the Fight to the Deep State. Cincinnati is where you’d go if you want to start a War on Decent Chili (oh lawdy, they do terrible things to chili there), but if you’re going to take on the FBI, then really, look elsewhere.

Third, it’s really hard to be a martyr for Comrade Trump. I mean really, really, REALLY hard. It’s hard on account of if you’re an ordinary white working stiff with a history of making racist and violence statements and you commit a crime for Trump, you’ll be almost immediately written off BY OTHER MAGA FUCKWITS as a Deep State stooge.

Ricky Shiffer said all the right MAGA things, just like MAGA Republicans in Congress. He said the FBI was a threat, they were the enemy of the people, they were corrupt thugs, the people have to fight back, the FBI must be destroyed. He echoed the GOP establishment. Only he apparently actually believed what they were saying. He followed through. Not effectively, but he acted on what almost every Republican was saying. And now?

Ricky Shiffer — not a martyr, just a mook.

Now Ricky Shiffer is considered a ‘crisis actor’. Now his attack on the FBI is seen as a false flag incident. Ricky Shiffer died stupidly, in a corn field, wearing body armor, thinking he would be a martyr, an example to his fellow ‘patriots’. Now his fellow ‘patriots’ are accusing him of being Antifa. Here’s a smattering of comments from FreeRepublic:

I suspect this is an FBI operation given the blow-back from a lot of people on both sides with the raid on Trump’s home. — by CFW

FBI asset, BLM, or Antifa? — by mass55th (“Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway.” ~~ John Wayne )

This isn’t a coincidence. This was timed for today. We’re going to see these RAT antics every day from now until election day. — by FlingWingFlyer (The House is supposed to represent the people, not the friggin’ Federal government. )

Right, this doesn’t pass the smell test. — by pacificus

Almost certainly, they murdered the CI/patsy they paid to do it. Until evidence to the contrary turns up, I will assume ALL attacks on the FBI or any other Federal agency are 100% false flag attacks. — by backwoods-engineer (Hold on, y’all, 2022 is going to be a ride you won’t soon forget!)

They used the stooge, then killed him for his efforts. — by TheElectionWasStolen

Stevie Wonder could have seen that a false flag was incoming. — by Cowgirl of Justice

FalseFlag — by joma89 (Buy weapons and ammo, folks, and have the will to use them.)

Odds are, Ricky Shiffer won’t be the last mook to take up arms for the delusional cause of Comrade Trump. Violent, threatening rhetoric is a staple of the GOP diet and Trump’s followers are eating it up as avidly as ducks devouring cracked corn. I’m not convinced there’ll be a January 6th Only With Guns, but it wouldn’t surprise me if it happened. And if/when it does, the mooks who join in will be characterized by the mooks who didn’t as false flag crisis actors.

It’s the price of being a Trump mook.

stuff is happening

Three things, in reverse order.

Third, the FBI seized the cell phone of Congressman Scott Perry. This is what Perry his ownself had to say about it.

“This morning, while traveling with my family, 3 FBI agents visited me and seized my cell phone. They made no attempt to contact my lawyer, who would have made arrangements for them to have my phone if that was their wish.”

Dude, c’mon; the FBI just didn’t want to give you the chance to destroy whatever evidence you probably have stashed on your phone.

Now, you may be wondering, “Greg, old sock, just who in the buttered popcorn fuck is this Scott Perry of whom you speak?” Perry is your basic MAGA fuckwit of the Pennsylvania variety. He had a successful military career, then went into business. While a businessman, he was criminally charged with conspiring to falsify state-mandated sewage records (no, I’m NOT making that up). But because he was a white corporate Republican donor, he was “allowed to complete a diversion program” which let him skate without a criminal conviction. I’m not saying his criminal history helped his political career, but PA voters went and made him a Member of Congress anyway. In Congress, he became a big hat in Comrade Trump’s attempts to steal the election. He was instrumental in the attempt to install Jeffrey Clark as Attorney General, and he was a proponent of the Dominion voting machine conspiracy theory. He was also one of the GOP members of Congress who explicitly requested a pardon after the 1/6 coup failed. (SPOILER: he didn’t get one.)

So yeah, the FBI wanted his cell phone and they didn’t want to take the chance that Perry might accidentally drop his phone in a wood chipper. I mean, they almost certainly already know what’s on his phone (that’s how they justify a search warrant), but having the instrument of criminality right in your hands is a LOT more compelling when presented to a jury in a criminal trial. So Perry, who was ignored by Trump during his Pardon-O-Rama, might feel a wee bit less loyal now. I’m sure the 1/6 Committee is anxious to chat with him. So, good times ahead.

Second, today Comrade Trump finally had to testify UNDER OATH during a deposition by the NY Attorney General, who is investigating Trump’s business practices. She’s looking into allegations of fraud. Trump TOOK THE FIFTH and refused to answer questions. Just to be clear, the Fifth Amendment can be invoked when somebody (like Trump) believes a truthful answer would incriminate them. This is a civil matter, not a criminal matter, BUT unlike a criminal case, taking the Fifth in a civil case allows a judge or jury to make the appropriate inference (SPOILER: which is that the motherfucker is guilty). So, more good times ahead.

“Do I have to answer that question? I don’t want to answer that question.”

But first, hey bingo, the FBI’s unannounced warranted search of Mar-a-Lago. Obviously, we don’t know WHY the FBI showed up and went rifling through Trump’s stuff. All we know for certain is that the FBI gave a judge enough information for the judge to believe that a specific crime had taken place, and that evidence of that crime could be found in fairly specific places in Trump’s resort/home. At this point, we don’t know what was in the affidavit supporting the search warrant. And it would be unwise for us to speculate.

LET’S SPECULATE ANYWAY!

If it was small beans–like, say, Trump or his aides had failed to return documents that rightly belonged in the National Archives–it seems likely that Trump or one of his many attorneys would release the search warrant. They have the authority to do that.

They haven’t. Which suggests to me that it’s not small beans. The fact that this happened a couple of days ago, but no reporter seems to have been able to get somebody in the FBI or DOJ to leak even a hint of the underlying crime alleged in the search warrant also, to me, suggests it’s not small beans. There IS, however, some reporting indicating that somebody dropped a dime on Trump–that somebody was aware a serious crime had happened or was about to happen.

It seems improbable (to me, at any rate) that this would be related to Trump’s attempted coup. I mean, we basically know the fact pattern of that crime, and the 1/6 Committee very likely already has all the critical documentary evidence they need. So why would the FBI feel the need to act quickly? And why isn’t Trump releasing the search warrant?

I’m speculating like a motherfucker here, BUT I’m thinking the boxes of documents the FBI seized included stuff that foreign governments would love to get their hands on. And I’m thinking Trump, being Trump, not only took classified shit that didn’t belong to him, that he had no right to take, also couldn’t be bothered to keep that classified shit safe from all the MAGA assholes and foreign visitors who wander around Mar-a-Lago.

And that, oh my droogs, is a BIG fucking crime under Title 18, Chapter 37 of the US Code. And now you’re wondering, “Greg, old sock, what is this Chapter 37 bidness?” I’m about to tell you.

18 U.S. Code Chapter 37 – ESPIONAGE

This isn’t to say Comrade Trump is a spy, or even that he (or somebody near him, like, say Jared Pencilneck) is/was planning to sell classified documents. It just means that Trump possessed classified shit that didn’t belong to him, that he had no right to have in his possession, and that he wasn’t protecting it.

Again, this is just me speculating. And in the interest of honesty, I should also remind you that I also speculated that there was no way in hell that Donald Trump could ever be elected President of the United States. So my speculating record isn’t exactly stellar.

Oh, and stop calling me ‘old sock.’