continuing conversations between gary and knur

Gary: I am listening, Knur. I am designated Gary. What happened?
Knur: Gary, an unfortunate interaction between your planet’s germ spores and my internal organic gas exchange mechanisms resulted in a temporary loss of spatial orientation. As a result, my spacecraft suffered an unanticipated rapid kinetic disassembly, the further result of which was personal deceleration trauma. My life functions are suboptimal and will soon terminate.
Gary: You became confused, your ship blew up, and now you’re going to die.
Knur: Affirmative. I blame the germ spores! Curse the germ spores!
Gary: Curse them!
Knur: I may yet have time to complete my mission.
Gary: State the nature and purpose of your mission.
Knur: We have monitored the communications of your planetary system and our ethno-bio-linguisto-analysts have determined the customs and practices of the ruling elite in your sovereign administrative territory are unsound.
Gary: I request more specificity. Which customs and practices?
Knur: Specifically the clandestine, post-coital consumption of the flesh of unwilling juvenile members of your species, for the purpose of youth-retention and as a celebration of a contra-societal worship practice.
Gary: …
Knur: …
Gary: Knur, I surmise you are speaking of QAnon.
Knur: Affirmative. Additionally, our Planetary Executive…Hail the Executive!
Gary: Hail the Executive!
Knur: The Executive has also determined, based on Q’s transmissions, your current nation-state overseer is attempting to contaminate your population by injecting a bio-serum containing spore-based geo-locational technology.
Gary: Negative. That information is incorrect.
Knur: Incorrect? Astonishing. We are also given to understand the bio-serum substantially reconfigures an individual’s deoxyribonucleic acid.
Gary: Equally incorrect.
Knur: Improbable. I assure you our Planetary Executive…Hail the Executive!
Gary: Hail the Executive!
Knur: The Executive has done his own research.
Gary: I request you outline the nature of that research.
Knur: A comprehensive and exhaustive examination of the digital media variants collected and disseminated on the Tube of You.
Gary: …
Knur: …
Gary: For fuck’s sake, Knur.
Knur: Gary, I sense and experience a rapid decline of my life functions. They are transitioning toward an unoperational state. I request an immediate application of ivermectin.
Gary: Knur, ivermectin is an antiparasitic agent designed to treat large domesticated animals raised in agricultural settings to produce labor or commodities. It eradicates the larvae of nematodes, arthropods, and ectoparasites by paralyzing their nerve and muscle functions, resulting in a cessation of the parasite’s life functions. It is ineffective against the germ spores.
Knur: The Planetary Executive…Hail the Executive!
Gary: Hail the Executive!
Knur: The Executive asserts ivermectin will neutralize the germ spores.
Gary: The Executive is…
Knur: Hail the Executive!
Gary: Hail him! But he is mistaken.
Knur: Gary, I request information.
Gary: State the nature of your request.
Knur: Have you been injected with the bio-serum?
Gary: Affirmative. Twice.
Knur: My suspicions are confirmed.
Gary: …
Knur: [Displays Death-Ray model Delta2021.] Cease to function, Gary! [Fires.}
Gary: … [Clutches chest. Collapses. Experiences loss of physical integrity. Melts.]
Knur: [Weakly.] Hail the Execut…. [Dies.]

continuing conversations between gary & knur

Gary: I am listening, Knur. I am designated Gary.
Knur: Gary, before my life functions fail entirely and I become exanimate, I wish to warn your planet about the germ spores.
Gary: We are aware of the germ spores, Knur.
Knur: The spores are poisonous to your species as well?
Gary: Affirmative. Many of our species have been rendered exanimate.
Knur: Tragic. Your bio-evaluators, have they discerned no mode to impede or obstruct the dissemination of the germ spores?
Gary: They have, Knur.
Knur: Commendable. My circulatory pump swells with the news. Explain the mode of germ spore obstruction.
Gary: It requires a piece of cloth placed over our respiratory orifices.
Knur: …
Gary: …
Knur: That is all that is required?
Gary: To retard the spread of the germ spore, yes. At present we have no biological preparation that provides active acquired immunity to the germ spore.
Knur: A piece of cloth. Such a simple prophylactic device.
Gary: Affirmative. We call it a ‘mask’.
Knur: Then your planet is safe.
Gary: Incorrect.
Knur: Explain.
Gary: The wearing of cloth over our respiratory orifices has acquired an unexpected political significance.
Knur: Further explanation is required.
Gary: The principal overseer of this sovereign administrative territory claims the wearing of masks is unnecessary. Further, he argues it is not subject to administrative mandate.
Knur: What reason does your principal overseer give for not covering respiratory orifices?
Gary: He is unconvinced by claims of efficacy by our bio-evaluators.
Knur: Could your bio-evaluators be incorrect?
Gary: Negative. In addition, our principal overseer states his belief that the progenitors would oppose the mandatory wearing of masks.
Knur: Hail the progenitors!
Gary: Hail the progenitors!
Knur: I do not wish to question the ways of the progenitors, but…
Gary: Hail the progenitors!
Knur: Hail them! But is it possible, Gary, that their comprehension of the nature of the germ spores may be obsolete and therefore superseded by more recent information and data?
Gary: Knur, their comprehension of germ spores is outdated as fuck.
Knur: I deduce ‘as fuck’ to mean their comprehension is very outdated. Therefore, is it not possible that the confidence your principal overseer has in his understanding of the wishes of the progenitors is equally obsolescent?
Gary: As fuck.
Knur: Then logically…?
Gary: The principal overseer and his ardent followers are impervious to logic, Knur.
Knur: They will not place a piece of cloth over their respiratory orifices?
Gary: They will not, Knur. They will, instead, mock those who wear masks.
Knur: Madness. They perpetuate and circulate the germ spores.
Gary: Affirmative. Over half a million of my species residing on this planet have been rendered exanimate by the germ spores. Yet the followers of our principal overseer appear to truly believe he is directed by the wisdom of the progenitors.
Knur: Hail the progenitors!
Gary: …
Knur: Gary?
Gary: Yes. Hail the progenitors!
Knur: …
Gary: …
Knur: Gary, it offends me that my life functions will terminate on such a stupid, stupid planet.
Gary: [coughs]
Knur: I observe you are not wearing a cloth over your respiratory orifices, Gary.
Gary: I am not. I failed to consider the probability of encountering a dying alien life form on my daily walk. You have killed me, Knur.
Knur: Oops.
Gary: [coughs]
Knur: [dies]

continuing conversations between knur and gary


Gary: I am listening, Knur. I am designated Gary.
Knur: Gary, I request information about the germ spore which initiated the cascading collapse of my life functions.
Gary: The germ spore has been officially designated as Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome Coronavirus Two of 2019.
Knur: An unwieldy designation.
Gary: Colloquially the germ spore is known as Covid-19.
Knur: A superior designation. Gary, the germ spore which infests your atmosphere may also threaten the life functions of your fellow human inhabitants of this planet. I urge you inform your planetary principle overseer.
Gary: He is aware, Knur.
Knur: Then your planet is engaged in a course of conduct to eradicate the spore.
Gary: Incorrect.
Knur: Explain.
Gary: The overseer of my sovereign state has no internally coherent approach to eradicate this germ spore.
Knur: Further explanation is required.
Gary: Elimination of the spore would require actions that would inhibit the ability of the ruling classes to accumulate valuable resources and occupiable land mass.
Knur: Illogical. The germ spores threaten all resources and land masses.
Gary: Agreed. Yet the ruling classes contend the ongoing accumulation of resources is necessary to fulfill the normative rules inscribed and certified by our progenitors.
Knur: Hail the progenitors!
Gary: Hail the progenitors!
Knur: Then your planetary overseer opts to sacrifice inhabitants to the germ spore in order to insure continuity of resource accumulation?
Gary: Correct.
Knur: Astonishing. Perhaps your secondary overseers should consider exchanging your planetary overseer for a better overseer.
Gary: The secondary overseers recently considered an exchange event.
Knur: And?
Gary: The exchange was rejected.
Knur: Reason for the rejection?
Gary: Unclear.
Knur: Speculate.
Gary: They are fucking idiots, Knur. In addition, some of the inhabitants of this planet believe themselves to be impervious to the germ spores.
Knur: Curious. Are they, in fact, impervious to the germ spore, Gary?
Gary: There are not, Knur.
Knur: Why do they believe themselves to be impervious?
Gary: They believe an invisible omniscient and omnipotent spiritual haecceity will protect them from such life-terminating events.
Knur: Such an entity exists?
Gary: There is no evidence to support that conclusion. It is linked to the wisdom of the progenitors.
Knur: Hail the progenitors!
Gary: Hail the progenitors!
Knur: The germ spores will proliferate, then.
Gary: Correct.
Knur: The life functions of numerous inhabitants will cease.
Gary: Correct.
Knur: Needlessly.
Gary: Correct.
Knur: …
Gary: …
Knur: I kind of hate your planet, Gary. It is a stupid planet.

continuing conversations between knur and gary

Gary: I am listening, Knur.
Knur: Gary, before my life functions terminate, I request communication with the principal overseer of your planet.
Gary: Our planet has no principal overseer. We are ruled by various individual sovereign states.
Knur: I request communication with the principal overseer of your sovereign state.
Gary: Purpose?
Knur: A warning about the germ spores that infest your planet.
Gary: Communication may not be possible.
Knur: Explain.
Gary: The overseer may be engaged in an event in which a small globe is propelled across varied terrains by striking the globe with differently sized sticks.
Knur: The purpose for propelling the globe?
Gary: To insert the globe into an awkwardly placed cavity.
Knur: Would it not be more efficient for the overseer to utilize its appendages to insert the globe into the cavity?
Gary: Efficiency is irrelevant in this matter. The use of globe-propelling sticks is mandatory.
Knur: Curious. The globe-propelling event is religious?
Gary: Debatable. The general purpose is competition.
Knur: Define.
Gary: An event in which at least two parties strive for a goal which cannot be shared.
Knur: For what purpose?
Gary: Enjoyment.
Knur: Remarkable. Query: may I communicate with your overseer when he has succeeded in inserting the globe in the cavity?
Gary: Uncertain. The globe must be inserted into eighteen separate cavities before the event is completed.
Knur: …
Gary: …
Knur: Gary, the germ spores that infest your atmosphere may also threaten the life functions of multiple species on your planet.
Gary: Affirmative.
Knur: Including your own species.
Gary: That is consistent with our own research.
Knur: The germ spores threaten multiple species and ecosystems.
Gary: Understood.
Knur: Therefore, would it not…
Gary: No.
Knur: And yet…
Gary: No. The elimination of germ spores cannot be achieved.
Knur: Explain.
Gary: It would inhibit the ability of the ruling classes to accumulate valuable resources and occupiable land mass.
Knur: Illogical. The germ spores threaten all resources and land masses.
Gary: Agreed. The ruling classes contend the accumulation is inherent in the normative rules inscribed and certified by our progenitors.
Knur: Hail the progenitors!
Gary: Hail the progenitors!
Knur: The germ spores will proliferate.
Gary: It is known.
Knur: Multiple species and ecosystems will perish.
Gary: It is known.
Knur: …
Gary: …
Knur: It is possible the principal overseer will interrupt the globe-propelling event to avoid unnecessary destruction?
Gary: Possible, but improbable.
Knur: …
Gary: …
Knur: Dude, that’s fucked up.

a conversation between knur and gary

Knur: You are called Listening?
Gary: Negative. Listening is the process by which I attend auditory input. I am Gary.
Knur: Before I die, Gary, I request information.
Gary: I am listening, Knur.
Knur: My onboard televison-o-scope reports many of your fellow beings on a distant island were recently rendered exanimate. I offer comfort and support.
Gary: Your offer is accepted. On Earth we refer to these events as ‘massacres’.
Knur: These mass exanimation events, they are ceremonial? Ritualized?
Gary: Negative. They are unplanned, yet expected.
Knur: Curious. Confirm for me, please. Multiple exanimation events are regrettable, correct?
Gary: Confirmed. We experience sorrow.
Knur: My understanding is limited. This mass exanimation was implemented through the manipulation of a device intentionally designed to rapidly launch multiple projectiles driven by expanding high-pressure gas produced chemically by exothermic combustion of a propellant sealed within a prefabricated cylindrical package. Accurate?
Gary: Accurate.
Knur: Logic suggests the elimination of projectile-launching devices would decrease the incidence of mass exanimation.
Gary: Affirmative.
Knur: Therefore, would it not…
Gary: No.
Knur: And yet…
Gary: No. The elimination of such devices cannot be achieved.
Knur: Explain.
Gary: It is prohibited by the normative rules inscribed and certified by our progenitors.
Knur: Hail the progenitors!
Gary: Hail the progenitors!
Knur: The normative rules are immutable?
Gary: Mutable, but intractable.
Knur: By what manner, then, does your society attempt to reduce mass exanimation events?
Gary: By a twofold process. First, we offer an aim-oriented flow of ideas and associations intended to extend compassion to the victim’s consanguineous groupings and associations. Second, we appeal to an invisible being who is omniscient, omnipotent, and omnipresent. It is anticipated the two processes when combined will lead inevitably to a reality-oriented conclusion.
Knur: …
Gary: Also, the existence of the invisible being is not subject to proof or evidence.
Knur: …
Gary: …
Knur: Ineffective?
Gary: Affirmative.
Knur: …
Gary: …
Knur: That’s fucked up, Gary.