Gary: I am listening, Knur. I am designated Gary.
Knur: Gary, before my life functions fail entirely and I become exanimate, I wish to warn your planet about the germ spores.
Gary: We are aware of the germ spores, Knur.
Knur: The spores are poisonous to your species as well?
Gary: Affirmative. Many of our species have been rendered exanimate.
Knur: Tragic. Your bio-evaluators, have they discerned no mode to impede or obstruct the dissemination of the germ spores?
Gary: They have, Knur.
Knur: Commendable. My circulatory pump swells with the news. Explain the mode of germ spore obstruction.
Gary: It requires a piece of cloth placed over our respiratory orifices.
Knur: …
Gary: …
Knur: That is all that is required?
Gary: To retard the spread of the germ spore, yes. At present we have no biological preparation that provides active acquired immunity to the germ spore.
Knur: A piece of cloth. Such a simple prophylactic device.
Gary: Affirmative. We call it a ‘mask’.
Knur: Then your planet is safe.
Gary: Incorrect.
Knur: Explain.
Gary: The wearing of cloth over our respiratory orifices has acquired an unexpected political significance.
Knur: Further explanation is required.
Gary: The principal overseer of this sovereign administrative territory claims the wearing of masks is unnecessary. Further, he argues it is not subject to administrative mandate.
Knur: What reason does your principal overseer give for not covering respiratory orifices?
Gary: He is unconvinced by claims of efficacy by our bio-evaluators.
Knur: Could your bio-evaluators be incorrect?
Gary: Negative. In addition, our principal overseer states his belief that the progenitors would oppose the mandatory wearing of masks.
Knur: Hail the progenitors!
Gary: Hail the progenitors!
Knur: I do not wish to question the ways of the progenitors, but…
Gary: Hail the progenitors!
Knur: Hail them! But is it possible, Gary, that their comprehension of the nature of the germ spores may be obsolete and therefore superseded by more recent information and data?
Gary: Knur, their comprehension of germ spores is outdated as fuck.
Knur: I deduce ‘as fuck’ to mean their comprehension is very outdated. Therefore, is it not possible that the confidence your principal overseer has in his understanding of the wishes of the progenitors is equally obsolescent?
Gary: As fuck.
Knur: Then logically…?
Gary: The principal overseer and his ardent followers are impervious to logic, Knur.
Knur: They will not place a piece of cloth over their respiratory orifices?
Gary: They will not, Knur. They will, instead, mock those who wear masks.
Knur: Madness. They perpetuate and circulate the germ spores.
Gary: Affirmative. Over half a million of my species residing on this planet have been rendered exanimate by the germ spores. Yet the followers of our principal overseer appear to truly believe he is directed by the wisdom of the progenitors.
Knur: Hail the progenitors!
Gary: …
Knur: Gary?
Gary: Yes. Hail the progenitors!
Knur: …
Gary: …
Knur: Gary, it offends me that my life functions will terminate on such a stupid, stupid planet.
Gary: [coughs]
Knur: I observe you are not wearing a cloth over your respiratory orifices, Gary.
Gary: I am not. I failed to consider the probability of encountering a dying alien life form on my daily walk. You have killed me, Knur.
Knur: Oops.
Gary: [coughs]
Knur: [dies]