continuing conversations between gary and knur

Gary: I am listening, Knur. I am designated Gary. What happened?
Knur: Gary, an unfortunate interaction between your planet’s germ spores and my internal organic gas exchange mechanisms resulted in a temporary loss of spatial orientation. As a result, my spacecraft suffered an unanticipated rapid kinetic disassembly, the further result of which was personal deceleration trauma. My life functions are suboptimal and will soon terminate.
Gary: You became confused, your ship blew up, and now you’re going to die.
Knur: Affirmative. I blame the germ spores! Curse the germ spores!
Gary: Curse them!
Knur: I may yet have time to complete my mission.
Gary: State the nature and purpose of your mission.
Knur: We have monitored the communications of your planetary system and our ethno-bio-linguisto-analysts have determined the customs and practices of the ruling elite in your sovereign administrative territory are unsound.
Gary: I request more specificity. Which customs and practices?
Knur: Specifically the clandestine, post-coital consumption of the flesh of unwilling juvenile members of your species, for the purpose of youth-retention and as a celebration of a contra-societal worship practice.
Gary: …
Knur: …
Gary: Knur, I surmise you are speaking of QAnon.
Knur: Affirmative. Additionally, our Planetary Executive…Hail the Executive!
Gary: Hail the Executive!
Knur: The Executive has also determined, based on Q’s transmissions, your current nation-state overseer is attempting to contaminate your population by injecting a bio-serum containing spore-based geo-locational technology.
Gary: Negative. That information is incorrect.
Knur: Incorrect? Astonishing. We are also given to understand the bio-serum substantially reconfigures an individual’s deoxyribonucleic acid.
Gary: Equally incorrect.
Knur: Improbable. I assure you our Planetary Executive…Hail the Executive!
Gary: Hail the Executive!
Knur: The Executive has done his own research.
Gary: I request you outline the nature of that research.
Knur: A comprehensive and exhaustive examination of the digital media variants collected and disseminated on the Tube of You.
Gary: …
Knur: …
Gary: For fuck’s sake, Knur.
Knur: Gary, I sense and experience a rapid decline of my life functions. They are transitioning toward an unoperational state. I request an immediate application of ivermectin.
Gary: Knur, ivermectin is an antiparasitic agent designed to treat large domesticated animals raised in agricultural settings to produce labor or commodities. It eradicates the larvae of nematodes, arthropods, and ectoparasites by paralyzing their nerve and muscle functions, resulting in a cessation of the parasite’s life functions. It is ineffective against the germ spores.
Knur: The Planetary Executive…Hail the Executive!
Gary: Hail the Executive!
Knur: The Executive asserts ivermectin will neutralize the germ spores.
Gary: The Executive is…
Knur: Hail the Executive!
Gary: Hail him! But he is mistaken.
Knur: Gary, I request information.
Gary: State the nature of your request.
Knur: Have you been injected with the bio-serum?
Gary: Affirmative. Twice.
Knur: My suspicions are confirmed.
Gary: …
Knur: [Displays Death-Ray model Delta2021.] Cease to function, Gary! [Fires.}
Gary: … [Clutches chest. Collapses. Experiences loss of physical integrity. Melts.]
Knur: [Weakly.] Hail the Execut…. [Dies.]

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