po-faced

Posted on September 5, 2015 by greg

Okay, let’s address this ‘po-faced’ issue, shall we? I’ve been using this perfectly good term in conversation all week (well, for years actually, but much more often in this last week or so), and I declare, every time I use it people look at me like I’ve suddenly begun speaking Urdu.

I haven’t been speaking Urdu, people.

So, what does it mean, po-faced? In general, it means to be humorless and disapproving. But the definition doesn’t convey the richness of the term. To really appreciate po-faced you need to understand its origin.

There’s some disagreement about the etymology. Some claim the term is derived from ‘poker face’. I call bullshit. A poker face is one that’s devoid of expression; it’s a face that doesn’t give away any information. It’s a perfectly fine phrase, poker face, but it lacks the depth and emotional content of po-faced.

I favor the interpretation that suggests ‘po’ comes from pot de chambre. A chamber pot. It’s pronounced poe de shambra. Po-faced, then, refers to the expression on a person’s face upon encountering a chamber pot that’s — well, let’s say it’s after being used. A sort of mild attempt to disguise feelings of disgust and disapproval.

Wait. Maybe this will help.

Po-faced. Any questions?

right in the neck

Posted on August 31, 2015 by greg

The Athabaskan people who lived near the mountain called it Denali, which meant ‘the high one.’ It’s a pretty name for a mountain. I like it. Another local tribe, the Dina’ena, called it Doleika, which meant ‘big mountain,’ which is less poetic but still pretty accurate. It really is a big mountain.

The Russians moved into the neighborhood in 1783; they called the mountain Bolshaya Gora, which also means ‘big mountain.’ They didn’t really change the name; they just said it in Russian, which is appropriate. But the Russians left in 1867, and I suspect folks in the area just continued to refer to it the ‘big mountain’ in whatever language they happened to have handy at the moment. Because it really IS a big mountain.

Then in the late 1880s, the white folks in the region decided to call it Densmore’s Peak, after Frank Densmore — a gold prospector who was, apparently, inordinately fond of the mountain. I don’t have any solid evidence to base this on, but I’m going to guess the natives continued to call it Denali or Doleika regardless of what the white folks did. Because what did the white folks know about it? Fuck them in the neck.

Then politics happened. A guy named William Dickey, who’d been prospecting for gold in the Susitna River, returned to the Lower Forty-eight and wrote an article about Alaska for the New York Sun newspaper. This was January of 1897, shortly after Republican William McKinley had been elected President of These United States. McKinley, you see, was a proponent of the gold standard (on which to base U.S. currency) — and Dickey was a Republican who’d been a gold prospector. McKinley’s Democratic opponent in the election, William Jennings Bryan, was in favor of a silver standard rather than a gold standard. Dickey had met a lot of silver prospectors while in Alaska, and they all favored the Democrat. This is all important information because in his article, Dickey made this rather suspect claim:

We named our great peak Mount McKinley, after William McKinley of Ohio, who had been nominated for the Presidency.

Whether that was true or not, it struck a chord for Republicans in Congress, and twenty years later they made the name official: Mount McKinley. They also named the area around the mountain McKinley National Park. Basically, it was Republicans saying ‘fuck you in the neck’ to Democrats (and to all the native folks in Alaska).

It seems nobody in Alaska liked the name, and most folks just continued to call the mountain Denali. Who cared what the people south of Canada called it? In the 1970s, Alaska made the practical decision to officially change the name back to the original Denali. They petitioned the U.S. Board on Geographic Names (yes, there’s actually a government agency that oversees geographic names) to do the same. And hey, the board seemed open to the idea.

Then politics happened again. The Republican Congressman who represented the Ohio district when William McKinley spent most of his life (a complete jackass named Ralph Regula) intervened and basically stopped the process. Basically, he was saying ‘fuck you in the neck’ to the people of Alaska. The people of Alaska sort of shrugged off the whole fuss and in 1975 the Alaska Board of Geographic Names (yes, the state has its own government agency to oversee its geographic names) went ahead and changed the name anyway.

In 1980, President Jimmy Carter decided to change the name of the park from McKinley National Park to Denali National Park and Preserve. Basically, he was saying ‘fuck you in the neck back’ to Congressman Regula. But while the president was authorized to change the name of the park, Regula could still prevent him from changing the name of the actual mountain, which officially remained Mount McKinley. Basically, Regula was telling the president ‘re-fuck you in the neck.’

And that’s how things stayed until Regula retired. At that point Alaska again petitioned the Board on Geographic Names to change the damn name. Then politics happened yet again. Two members of Congress from Ohio — both Democrats — decided to carry on Regula’s profoundly stupid fight to retain the name of Mount McKinley. Basically, it looked like Ohio saying ‘fuck you in the neck’ to Alaska.

But the people of Ohio spoke out and told their members of Congress to grow the fuck up and stop interfering with Alaskan politics. And they did. So today, President Obama is officially authorizing the Board on Geographic Names to recognize what Alaskans have always recognized — that the mountain deserves to be called Denali because it really IS a big, high mountain.

And hey, guess what. Politics are happening. Republicans — and particularly those from Ohio — are rebuking the president’s decision. Speaker of the House John Boehner stated he was “deeply disappointed in this decision.” Senator Rob Portman decried the decision as “yet another example of the President going around Congress.”

And, of course, the proud patriots of FreeRepublic are voicing their considered opinions on the issue.

— Why not call it Glorious Jihad?

— If Hussein cared about what the people of Alaska thought, he would ask Valerie for permission to open up the northern slope for drilling. Alaskans want that, too.

— Obonzo didn’t do jack. He’s going up there to fundraise and kiss some minority @$$ for his ‘RAT comrades up there. Everyone in Alaska already refers to the mountain as Denali. The bastard Kenyan didn’t need to do anything. This is just another one of his “historical” In Yo Face Whitey Moments.

— Mount Barack….in honor of Bareback Mountain

— stupid bammy has to interject himself into normal people’s lives like the narcissist he is

— This is the work of a tyrant.

— I’m surprised it’s not going to be Kilimanjaro to make Zero feel more at home.

— Islam could easily be involved. Pakistan is close. Jihadis are everywhere.

To be fair, not everybody on FreeRepublic is a lunatic. Many of them have pointed out the fact that most Alaskans want the mountain to be called Denali. They don’t necessarily object to renaming the mountain; they just object to President Obama ~~renaming the mountain~~. Basically, the people of FreeRepublic are saying ‘fuck you in the neck’ to the president.

But hey, it’s a done deal now. And it’ll be Obama’s smiling face we’ll see standing in front of Denali on the national news tonight. And guess what he’s basically symbolically saying to the folks of FreeRepublic.

Right in the neck.

it seems some mass shootings aren’t mass enough

Posted on August 27, 2015 by greg

Sometimes I find myself sitting around and thinking You know, this situation is pretty fucked up. I was thinking that after yesterday’s mass shooting. Which by the most commonly used definition of the term wasn’t actually a mass shooting.

A culture is pretty fucked up when there has to be a debate over how to define ‘mass shooting’. Here’s the most commonly used definition:

Shootings at a public place in which the shooter murdered four or more people, excluding domestic, gang, and drug violence, in a single episode.

There are at least three problems with this definition. Here’s the first and most obvious problem: murdered. This definition only counts bodies. You go to your neighborhood cineplex and wound half a dozen people but only kill a couple of them, it’s not going to count as a mass shooting. That’s pretty much fucked up, right there.

Not a mass shooter.

Second problem: excluding domestic, gang, and drug violence. I can sort of understand why researchers would choose to exclude gang and drug violence. That sort of violence is incidental to other behaviors — the violence is a consequence of gang/drug activity. You get involved in gangs or the drug trade, you’re voluntarily assuming a certain amount of risk. It’s like BASE jumping in that sense. So if you kill a half-dozen folks when your drug deal goes bad, it’s not going to count as a mass shooting. That’s fucked up.

But domestic violence? Why exclude that? It’s the most common sort of violence faced by the public. In fact, if you include domestic violence, the number of mass shootings skyrockets — even if you restrict the definition of mass shooting to those that produce multiple corpses. The research is limited, but it all suggests that the vast majority of mass shootings take place in a domestic situation — a house or an apartment.

What we’re talking about here is male violence against women. Almost all mass shooters are men, and the most common type of mass shooting is a man shooting members of his family (or his ex’s family, or his girlfriend’s family, or the family of a woman who rejected him). Most of those victims are women and kids. You get pissed off and kill a bunch of folks you claim to love — folks who aren’t strangers — it doesn’t count as a mass shooting. Maybe they’ll count it if you do it in at the local McDonald’s. Maybe. But otherwise it’s just another domestic murder. You know what that is? It’s fucked up, is what it is.

And here’s the third problem with that definition: in which the shooter murdered. The shooter isn’t included in the butcher’s bill. Now, I understand the emotion behind excluding the shooter. The sumbitch doing the shooting doesn’t deserve to be considered a victim. But it’s still part of the episode; he’s still dead or wounded. And let’s be honest, that’s often just as intentional as the shooting of the other folks. You shuffle over to the local mall and open fire, kill three people, wound half a dozen more, then eat your Glock, it’s not going to count as a mass shooting. That is totally fucked up.

Not mass shooting victims.

The shooting yesterday? Not a mass shooting. Not the one in Brooklyn Center, Minnesota in which four people were wounded. Not the one in Chicago, where only one of the four people who were shot actually died. Not the one in West Palm Beach, in which two were wounded and two were killed. And not the one in Virginia — the one that was televised, the one that left three people dead (yes, I’m including the shooter) and one wounded.

That’s six dead and ten wounded. Yesterday. And not one of them is considered a mass shooting. Fucked up, is what it is. We’re talking 33 shooting incidents in August (so far) with 40 dead and 124 wounded — and not one of them is considered a mass shooting. That’s fucked up on so many levels.

What if we broaden the definition of mass shooting?

Shootings in which four or more people are killed or wounded in a single episode.

Makes sense, doesn’t it. There’s actually a crowd-sourced mass shooting tracker that uses that definition. By that definition there have been 248 mass shootings so far in 2015. That’s as of fifteen hours ago. There’ll be more today. You can count on it. And the fact that you can count on another mass shooting today — one that will go uncounted because not enough people died, or because the wrong people died, or because the dead weren’t littering a public place — that’s fucked up beyond all recognition.

And here’s another thing that’s fucked up. The guy who shot the reporter and cameraman in Virginia recorded the non-mass shooting on his phone and posted it to Facebook and Twitter. That’s fucked up in ways beyond the obvious ‘What sort of twisted individual would put that shit on social media?’ way. It’s fucked up because research shows that mass shootings that get publicized tend to be contagious. They spark more mass shootings, often with the same weapons used in the initial mass shooting.

People who, for one reason or another, are fucked up in some way often model their behavior on the behavior of other folks. Some highly publicized behaviors, like teen suicides or hate crimes, establish what social psychologists call a path of action — a complete narrative in which the person can visualize their steps and their effects. And that path of action helps them follow through on the act — whether it’s suicide, bashing trans folks, or shooting a whole bunch of people.

So it’s fairly safe to assume we’ll see more homemade first person shooter videos. This may become a trend. Which brings me back to my original thought. This situation is pretty fucked up.

UPDATE: As of January 2016, the mass shooting tracker mentioned above revised its definition of a mass shooting to exclude the shooter. The new definition is “Four or more shot and/or killed in a single event [incident], at the same general time and location, not including the shooter.”

My initial response is that excluding the shooter from the body count seems unnecessarily judgmental, as if including the shooter would suggest sympathy for him. On further reflection, though, the definition includes the wounded as well as the dead — and it makes sense to exclude the shooter if he was wounded by law enforcement in their efforts to stop the shooting.

boom, and they’re gone

Posted on August 20, 2015 by greg

This fuckwit is campaigning to be the Republican nominee for President of These United States — and they’re taking him seriously. What’s wrong with these people?

“We have excellent military leaders. We need to employ their expertise because this is a war we are fighting. That’s the bottom line.”

That’s Dr. Ben Carson. And that war we’re fighting? He’s talking — and I swear I am NOT making this up — he’s talking about the border between These United States and Mexico. And he said that in response to a question about whether the US should consider drone strikes on American soil to secure the border.

Dr. Ben Carson doesn’t really LOOK crazy, but apparently is.

Drone strikes. Drone strikes. You know, like we’ve been doing in Yemen and Somalia and Pakistan. This fucking lunatic thinks drone strikes are worth considering to prevent folks from illegally crossing the border to pick the watermelons you’ll be eating at your next picnic. Oh, and did I mention that Carson, as I write this, is in second place among the candidates for the Republican nomination for president? He is. Second. And what makes this even crazier is he’s running second behind Donald Trump (whose border policy, I believe, is to build a giant Wall O’ Trump — it’ll be yoooge, classy — and he’ll hire frat boys to stand guard on top of it, and if they see a brown person approach from the South they’ll shit in their own hand and fling it at the poor bastard).

Drone strikes. You know, because this is a war we’re fighting. If we have to ram a missile up some brown person’s ass, well you can’t make an omelet and all that.

“You look at some of these caves and things out there, one drone strike, boom, and they’re gone.”

Boom! Just like in the Road Runner cartoons. Of course, it costs between US$2,500 and $3,500 per flight hour to run surveillance drones. You want a strike drone — one that can fire missiles; say a Predator or a Reaper — the costs go up dramatically. It takes a team of about 180 people to operate and maintain each of those sumbitches. Also? Each Hellfire missile costs around $60,000 — and you can only use them once, you know.

Watermelon terrorists, for the love of Jeebus, won’t somebody DO something?

It’ll add up pretty quick, drone strikes against illegal immigrants. But hey, war, right? If that’s what it takes, then that’s what it takes. If we can provide just one decent law-abiding American the opportunity to find a career in the lucrative field of watermelon harvesting, it’ll be worth it.

Second. He’s running second. To Trump. Just saying. It is to weep.

UPDATE: I was joking about the Wall O’ Trump — but this just in (and really, I swear I’m NOT making this up):

Trump waxed on almost poetically about the wall that could bear his name on the Southwest border. “I want it to be so beautiful because maybe someday they’re going to call it the Trump wall,” he said.

Lawdy.

it’s a fucking miracle, is what it is

Posted on August 14, 2015 by greg

When brainstorming about what to do with the area, the idea of a gun range came up.

The area in question is behind the Rocky Mount United Methodist Church in Jemison, Alabama. According to Pastor Philip Guin, the area was a gully “full of kudzu, snakes and other vermin.” Nobody in Jemison like kudzu, or vermin, or snakes. They fucking hate snakes in Jemison. Totally hate those slithering little bastards. So they decided to clear the area and turn it into…something.

Pastor Phillip Guin

We don’t know what other suggestions for the area might have been considered and rejected. A community vegetable garden, maybe. That would have been nice. Or maybe somebody suggested planting a few trees, maybe build a little gazebo — a nice, quiet place for community picnics or concerts given by the Jemison High School Jazz Band. Or hey, how about a couple of basketball hoops? You know, keep the local kids busy and out of trouble. A baseball diamond might work, or a soccer pitch (though that might be seen as unAmerican).

The thing is, there were LOTS of inexpensive, community-oriented options open to the Rocky Mount United Methodist Church. Options that would be in keeping with church doctrine. But no…the idea of a gun range came up.

It just came up! Just like that, out of the blue, completely unexpected. It was like divine inspiration! Like a miracle!

“We had quite a number of church members, some elderly ladies, for example, and some not so elderly women that had purchased guns, but didn’t know how to use them.”

Okay, I’ll admit the thought of a bunch of old folks unfamiliar with firearms having guns in their homes is disconcerting and alarming. But…a question: why the fuck are the elderly women of Jemison, Alabama arming themselves? We’re talking about a town with a population of about 2500 people. Total. There can’t be much crime there. The Jemison Police Department has only eleven full-time officers. Eleven. That includes the park ranger at Minooka Park. Who the hell are these women planning to shoot?

The whole purpose of this range is to provide recreational and gun safety in a warm, loving, Christian environment.

Uhh…well…lawdy. Okay, then. Recreational gunfire in a warm and loving…oh for fuck’s sake, are you insane? We’re talking about a church, here. A building used for religious activities, for worship. I’m not a Christian, but even I understand that there’s a fundamental disjuncture between a structure dedicated to a religious figure called the prince of peace and a goddam gun range. Jeebus on toast, what the fuck is wrong with you people?

“This is an opportunity for us to reach out in the name of Jesus Christ in a setting that is completely unique.”

No. No, it’s not. It’s not even remotely an opportunity to reach out in the name of Jesus. It’s an opportunity to pimp some seriously distorted Jeebus figure into a flag-waving Second Amendment Martyr.

Don’t be blaming this bullshit on the old women of Jemison, Alabama. I’m just guessing here, but I really most sincerely doubt it was an old woman who raised her hand during the discussion of what to do with that overgrown area behind the church and said “Hey gang, let’s make a gun range! You know…for Jeebus!” I’m pretty sure it was a guy who suggested that. I wonder if anybody other than elderly women have a use for a handy firing range.

The range has also become a favorite of the Jemison Police Department

Yeah. Well, there’s a coincidence.

a concise analysis of yesterday’s republican debate(s)

Posted on August 7, 2015 by greg

Buncha mooks.

And the flaming asshole they’re trailing behind.

what? another mass shooting?

Posted on July 24, 2015 by greg

Its either black gangs, an ADD/autistic drug white boy on antidepressants, or a moslem.

Oh, FreeRepublic, you never fail me. America dishes up another serving of mass murder, and y’all rush to ladle the paranoid gravy over it. Let’s rely on our almost total lack of information and wildly speculate on who’d do a horrible thing like that, shall we?

In order, here are the odds: 1) Moose-slime jihadist, 2) A son of Obama, 3) Criminal invader from across the Rio Grande, 4) Leftist (like Dylan Roof, Lee Harvey Oswald, John Hinckley, James Earl Ray…)

Could be ISIS-Arab—out to take some Americans and go to Paradise?

But wait…what’s this? News reports indicate the shooter was “an older white male”? Oh no, how can it be? What can it mean? Could it possibly be…a woman’s fault?

Just a guess that ex went to the movies with someone the shooter didn’t want her going to the movies with.

Maybe he was after the woman who was in his life at one time, and she was now with someone else.

John Russell House, alleged white guy (possible ISIS plant or maybe even a Democrat)

But if it’s not a woman’s fault, it must be Obama’s. Or maybe just random Democrats. Or liberals in general.

Simple. Rampant liberalism is the cause. The axis of evil in the White Mosque has set up an environment for leftists to engage in these killing sprees. Aside from the shooter, hussein, holder and jarrett are equally guilty. As long as the regime remains in place, it’s vital for Patriots to be well armed.

How many mass shootings does that bring us to now under this “wonderful administration”? Seems like it’s almost weekly now. What a country we turned out to be!

Well, if it does turn out that he was white — which is still doubtful in my mind — note that his political party isn’t mentioned in that media release. Typical of the drivebys. That’s proof he was a DemonRAT — like all of the other mass murders.

Given that liberalism is mental illness, it’s a sure thing this utterly crazy and evil man in Lafayette was a registered ‘RAT.

The very high 90th percent of this crap is done by liberals. ‘Tea Party types” doing this is almost non-existent. Liberalism is the ultimate cause. No self control, no morals, lots of mind altering drugs and victimhood delusions pushed by other liberals. They should all be caged.

The real scandal is a nutjob who should’ve been institutionalized, but b/c of decades of leftists policies, was allowed to roam free. Also, the types & amounts of taxpayer-provided welfare the @-hole was sucking in that allowed him to move around the country, live in motels, and purchase disguises, weapons, & ammo.

But oh no, there’s some suggestion by news sources that the shooter might have been a member of the Tea Party! How dare the news media leap to conclusions based on nothing more than the suspect’s name and race! How dare they make conjectures without any objective supporting evidence!

Anytime there’s a shooting the first thing the media does is check the names of anyone who ever joined a “tea party”.

How quick the media find a Tea Party connection. We’ll be hearing that non-stop.

Of course, it’s possible this could be a ‘false flag’ operation by Obama-led liberals intended to make it appear as if the shooter was a Tea Party fuckwit. Not just possible, really, but probable. In fact, it’s almost a certainty.

A 58 old white male involved in a national news shooting when we have stories this week of the govt desiring to link social security with whether someone is competent for owning a gun? Yeah a little too convenient..

Member of a FAKE Tea Party group run by a lawer who doesn’t pay his bills and belives in big government. Does that sound like a Tea Party member to you? Other REAL Tea Party members are even saying he’s fake.

And then the shooter. A guy who is reportedly homeless yet he’s staying in a Motel 6 and has a handgun and wigs and disguises and he supposedly used to own a bar and several business but he disappears off the radar sometime in 2006? Really? You know what this sounds like? A spec op. You know who else has disappears off the grid for years? Spooks. And they borrow other people’s identities or use fake ones that are completely fabricated that the feds create for them through credit agencies. I know this for a fact. Does all of this sound like bull$hit to you? It should.

FBI agents discussing how to plant evidence to frame Tea Party, probably.

But one thing is absolutely, totally, incontrovertibly clear. Everything would have been perfectly fine if more people in the theater had been armed and prepared to return fire.

Gun-free zone?

The safest place for a criminal is a gun-free zone. The safest place for Conservatives (good guys) is where an abundance of guns can be found. Killings at gun shows and gun ranges are close to non-existent.

Criminals flourish when law-abiding Patriots are unarmed. My church of Christ congregation here in Texas is NOT a gun-free zone. The preacher always places his gun in a shelf under the pulpit and most members are armed during services. We’ve never had an incident like that in Charleston. Should a leftist come in and try to do such a thing, he’ll be graveyard dead thanks to a flurry of hot lead in the head. Praise the Lord

More guns, yes, of course. That’s the answer. If only this country had a cadre of brave, patriotic, armed American citizens willing to park their asses in lawn-chairs outside movie theaters and military recruiting stations — men of iron will and brass buttocks, who know weapons and how to use them (mostly) — men who will lay down their lives and their Big Gulps to protect others (though not quite willing to actually enlist in the military).

Feel safe now?

Let’s face it, nothing will make you feel safer after you’ve been attacked by a stranger with a gun than to have multiple strangers with multiple guns loitering around outside your door. Just think how secure you’d feel if this was what you saw when you went to buy your tickets to see Bruce Willis in Pride and Predator 3 (Jane Austen’s back…and this time she’s armed and angry!).

Praise Jeebus, keep your ammunition dry, and always choose the 64 ounce drink (it’s the best value).

dead or not dead! it’s america’s game!

Posted on July 22, 2015 by greg

Okay, let’s play a game. I give you a scenario, you decide if the person in the scenario ends up dead or not dead. It’s fun!

Scenario 1: Police in Denton, Texas respond to a report of an angry man with a rifle. On arrival, they find a 22-year-old man carrying a loaded AR-15 semi-automatic rifle is confronting a 69-year-old protester carrying a sign. The armed man, described by witnesses as ‘unreasonable and agitated,’ is white. Is he Dead or Not Dead?

NOT DEAD! The police requested the armed man carry his rifle slung over his shoulder and allow him to leave without shooting him anywhere at all.

Scenario 2: Police in rural Georgia pull over a driver for an ‘unspecified traffic offense.’ According to the police, the 30-year-old man immediately “exhibited aggression toward the officers.” The driver identified himself as belonging to a radical group with a long history of violence against law enforcement officers. When ordered out of the vehicle, the driver reached for a gun. The police officers, fearing for their safety, responded by breaking the car window and forcibly removing the man — at which point the man reached for a second gun holstered in the small of his back. The driver is white. Is he Dead or Not Dead?

NOT DEAD! Although the police seized a 9mm handgun, a .45 caliber handgun, a .40 caliber handgun, a .44 magnum caliber short rifle, and a .223 caliber AR-15 format carbine (all of which were loaded and had rounds in the chamber), they managed to arrest the driver without shooting him even once.

Scenario 3: Cleveland police respond to a telephone report of a person with a gun in a local park. The caller stated the person “is probably a juvenile” and described the gun as “probably fake.” On arrival, the police confront a 12-year-old boy with an Airsoft gun. The boy is black. Is he Dead or Not Dead?

DEAD! The police shot the boy twice in the first two seconds after exiting their vehicle. They also failed to perform any first aid. He died the following day.

Your turn to play! Three of these contestants will be Not Dead! Which one will fail to make it to the next round? Dead or Not Dead!

Scenario 4: Kalamazoo police respond to multiple reports of an intoxicated man on a busy street carrying a rifle and shouting obscenities and threats of revolution. They arrive to find a 63-year-old man who refuses their orders to drop his weapon. Michigan is an ‘open carry’ state, which allows citizens to openly carry firearms. The man is white. Is he Dead or Not Dead?

NOT DEAD! The police spent forty minutes discussing the 2nd Amendment with the drunk man, failing to shoot him at all. He eventually agreed to surrender his rifle — which was returned to him by the police on the following day.

Scenario 5: Police in Beavercreek, Ohio respond to a report of a man with a gun in a local Wal-Mart. On arrival, the officers observe a 22-year-old man carrying a firearm in a non-threatening way and talking on a cell phone. They order him to drop the weapon. According to the police, the man doesn’t immediately do so. Ohio is an ‘open carry’ state, which allows citizens to openly carry firearms. The man is black. Is he Dead or Not Dead?

DEAD! The gun was a BB gun the man had picked up in the Sporting Goods section of Wal-Mart. The man was shot twice within moments of being confronted by police.

Scenario 6: New Orleans police respond to a report of an armed man breaking into a home, threatening the occupants, stealing some of their possessions, and firing a shot through the window before escaping. As he’s running away, the gunman threatens a number of nearby construction workers. Officers give chase to the 19-year-old man, who soon accosts a man in a pickup. The man and his five year old son managed to avoid injury although the gunman fires five shots at them, striking the windshield, the rear window, and the truck’s fender. The police manage to catch the gunman, who points his handgun at them. They order him to drop his weapon. He refuses, telling the police, “No, you drop your fucking guns.” The gunman is white. Is he Dead or Not Dead?

NOT DEAD! The police managed to catch him and arrest him without shooting him even once.

Come on,. America! Join in on the fun! Dead or Not Dead. New contestants every day! Look for DoND in your hometown! It’s America’s hottest game!

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