the right to pick up sticks

For all the folks who keep insisting that the Lord Our God decreed that marriage was reserved for one man and one woman, it’s important to remember that the Lord Our God also decreed folks who picked up sticks on the Sabbath had to be stoned to death.

And while the children of Israel were in the wilderness, they found a man that gathered sticks upon the sabbath day.

And they that found him gathering sticks brought him unto Moses and Aaron, and unto all the congregation.

And they put him in ward, because it was not declared what should be done to him.

And the Lord said unto Moses, The man shall be surely put to death: all the congregation shall stone him with stones without the camp.

And all the congregation brought him without the camp, and stoned him with stones, and he died; as the Lord commanded Moses.

We’re not talking about some uneducated local magistrate making a bad judicial decision here; we’re talking about Moses. This is the guy they call the Law-Giver. This is a guy who has a burning bush for an iPhone. Moses is one of the Big Hats.

Moses was a serious guy.

Moses was a serious guy.

So when Moses checks in with the Lord Our God and says, “Lord, we got this guy picking up sticks on the Sabbath, what’ll we do?” he knows the Lord Our God is going to give him an answer. And that’s exactly what he got. The Lord Our God says, “What? Picking up sticks? On the Sabbath? We’re not having any of that. Kill that guy. Haul his ass out of camp and kill him. Kill him with rocks.”

Moses not having any of that picking up sticks bullshit.

Moses not having any of that picking up sticks bullshit.

And this is why we don’t base modern American civil law on Biblical law. This is why Americans can feel safe picking up sticks any day of the week. And it’s also why gay folks can now get married if they want.

You don’t have to pick up sticks on the Sabbath if you don’t want to, or if your religion forbids it. You don’t have to like folks who do pick up sticks. But here’s the thing: you can’t prevent them from picking up sticks on the Sabbath, and no matter what you believe the Lord Our God wants, you can’t kill them. With rocks or anything else.

 

i don’t know maybe who can say?

It only took Jeb! Bush three tries to get it right. Well, almost right. I’m talking about the mass murder at Mother Emanuel church in Charleston. First he said this:

“I don’t know what was on the mind or the heart of the man who committed these atrocious crimes.”

And okay, yeah, nobody can ever really say they know what another person is thinking or feeling and all that. But Dylann Roof wasn’t being terribly subtle about his reasoning. That Confederate flag, the two racist African flags, the open admission that he wanted to start a race war — those are pretty reliable indications of what he had in mind. And that was before the discovery of his racist manifesto.

A day later, Jeb! got a tad more specific. When asked if the murders were racially motivated, he said this:

“I don’t know! Looks like to me it was, but we’ll find out all the information. It’s clear it was an act of raw hatred, for sure. Nine people lost their lives, and they were African-American. You can judge what it is.”

A real tower of Jello, Jeb! Bush. He’s not going to rush to judgment. Raw hate? Check. Nine dead black folks? Check. Racially motivated hate crime? Well, it sorta kinda looks that way to me, but who can say? While he wasn’t quite able to commit to having a clue about Dylann Roof’s motives, Jeb! was totally mostly almost solid in his stance on South Carolina’s Confederate flag.

“My position on how to address the Confederate flag is clear. In Florida, we acted, moving the flag from the state grounds to a museum where it belonged… Following a period of mourning, there will rightly be a discussion among leaders in the state about how South Carolina should move forward, and I’m confident they will do the right thing.”

He did, in fact, order the Confederate flag flown over the Florida state house removed, and that was the right thing to do. But is it the right thing for South Carolina? I don’t know, maybe, who can say? Whatever the right thing is, Jeb! is pretty much sure South Carolina will do it. Probably.

What? How should I know? -- Jeb!

What? How should I know? — Jeb!

The various 2016 Republican candidates for presidency have staked out a fairly narrow range of positions on social issues. They fall somewhere along a graduated scale from wildly and loudly wrong (the Ted Cruz approach) to tentative ignorance and uncertainty (the Jeb! approach). Despite the fact that he’s been considered presidential material since even before his dull-witted brother befouled the White House, Jeb! has managed to maintain a near-perfect level of thick-headedness.

His position on climate change?

“I think global warming may be real. It is not unanimous among scientists that it is disproportionately manmade.”

“I’m a skeptic. I’m not a scientist.”

He’s not a scientist. But why doesn’t he believe the folks are actually are scientists? Because he’s a skeptic, and hey there are literally dozens of scientists who aren’t convinced, so there. Jeb! kinda maybe thinks he might believe those scientists. The other ones? Perhaps, maybe, who knows?

Does Jeb! have a position on all those so-called ‘religious freedom’ laws Republican legislatures keep passing to protect the rights of pastry cooks to resist gay tyranny? Of course, he does. Almost.

“I don’t know about the law, but religious freedom is a serious issue, and it’s increasingly so, and I think people that act on their conscience shouldn’t be discriminated against, for sure.”

For sure. Asking people to obey the law even if they disagree with it, that’s totally for sure discrimination. If they’re, you know, Christian and all. Otherwise, well, it’s hard to say. Possibly. It depends. But hey, what about marijuana laws? What if your state legalizes the medical use of marijuana — or even recreational use — but the federal government still says possession and sale are crimes? What if you disagree with that law? What to do, Jeb!? What to do?

“I don’t know. I’d have to sort that out.”

But sorting stuff out is such hard work. It took him three tries to sort out whether or not he’d have invaded Iraq like his feeble-minded brother. Would he have ordered the invasion ‘knowing what we know now’? Let’s see his answers:

“Yes. And by the way, Hillary Clinton would have too.”

“I misunderstood. And no, I won’t say what I would have done in hindsight.”

“Knowing what we know now, I would not invade.”

My favorite of those three responses is the second one — that pouty ‘I don’t have to answer, you can’t make me, you’re not my mom’ response. I understand it wouldn’t be easy to admit on national television that your brother is a reckless fuckwit, but I’m not sure the best strategy to deal with that problem is to suggest you’re only marginally less stupid. Tell us Jeb!, will your brother be allowed to campaign for you?

“I don’t know, I don’t know yet, we just started.”

Oh, Jeb!, you’ve been preparing for this campaign for months, if not years, and you don’t know? By refusing to acknowledge the role his gormless brother would have in a Jeb! administration, he leaves us with the image of George W. lurking in the shadows of the White House like Boo Radley. And that ain’t pretty.

W? Brother of Jeb!

W? Brother of and adviser to Jeb!

Poor Jeb! Bush — he wasn’t even able to say whether or not he’d be a good candidate in a presidential election.

“I don’t know if I’d be a good candidate or a bad one. But I kinda know how a Republican can win, whether it’s me or somebody else.”

He kinda knows how a Republican can win. After dangling that impotent answer, Jeb! had a couple of weeks to think about it before being asked the very same question.

“I have no clue if I’d be a good candidate, I hope I would be. I think I could serve well as president, to be honest with you. But I don’t know that either. I think you learn these things as you go along.”

No clue. He’s clueless. He is without clue. Sans la moindre idée. Here’s a hint, Jeb! So far, not so much.

And yet, remarkably, according to a recent NBC/Wall Street Journal poll, Jeb! has taken the lead in the primary race. A full 22% of likely Republican primary voters say Jeb! is their first choice. Their first choice. It says something about the GOP 2016 candidate roster that the front-runner is a guy who spends part of every interview furrowing his brow and saying ‘I don’t know, maybe, who can say?’

I dunno, maybe? Who can say? -- Jeb!

I dunno, maybe? Who can say? — Jeb!

Jeb! Bush — he’s the smart one in the family. His feckless brother spent his recreational time clearing scrub brush on his Texas ranch. Jeb! probably spent his spare time planting the scrub brush.

my people disappoint me

Okay, first a disclaimer. Or maybe a list of disclaimers. I am a white guy. I’m also a liberal (I used to be a radical, but I’ve grown more conservative over time). Although I was born in the Midwest, my momma is from South Carolina and I’ve lived a big chunk of my life in the Deep South, so I tend to identify as a Southern boy. I have one more disclaimer, but I’m going to hold off on it for a bit.

I’m disclaiming away on account of I’m going to be talking about the Confederate flag. All flags are magical pieces of cloth that automatically confers a +10 bonus modifier to the Ability to Drive People Mad power. The Confederate flag adds a supplementary +5 bonus modifier to Hatred. That modifier applies equally to all classes.

That last bit is important. Common Knowledge suggests that the Confederate flag primarily drives Southern folks mad, but Common Knowledge is sometimes Full of Shit. Which is the case here. Yankees, Southerners, Liberals, Conservatives — doesn’t matter. Very few people manage a saving throw against the Confederate flag.

South carolina state house

We’re talking about flags, of course, on account of Dylann Storm Roof, who murdered nine people in Mother Emanuel church. (Roof’s eminently joke-worthy name, by the way, is countered by the joke-inappropriate circumstance.) Roof utilized flags as tribal fetishes. He had the Confederate flag on the front of his car, and on his jacket he wore the apartheid era flag of South Africa and the flag of Rhodesia. The one thing all those flags have in common is the ideology of white supremacy.

roof car

But the specific flag at issue now is the Confederate Secession flag that flies on the grounds of the South Carolina state house. Many people want to see that flag removed. A minority want it to remain. There are two easily understandable responses to the debate. Here, I’ll shorthand the responses for you.

Response 1: What? That flag? No, that flag didn’t cause Dylann Roof to kill those people.

Response 2: Yeah, that flag. That flag is symbolic of a culture that fosters white supremacy, which fosters fear and hatred of black folks, which is why he killed those people.

There. Now, it’s completely obvious that both responses are true. The Confederate flag didn’t cause this young man — and lawdy, he IS young; he’s only just turned 21 — to shoot and kill nine people he’d been sharing Bible study with. But there’s absolutely no doubt that this young man’s racist ideology is deeply entwined with his apparent fondness for the Confederate flag and his other race-based flags.

roof flags

The conservative defense of the Confederate flag relies heavily on the ‘heritage, not hate’ argument. There’s some foundation for that, but mostly the argument is bullshit. The foundation part lies in the pride of ancestors who fought bravely against a larger, better equipped army and frequently defeated them. The bullshit part is those ancestors were essentially fighting to support a white supremacist government.

Fighting bravely for a wicked cause doesn’t negate the bravery nor mitigate the cause. The problem is that most people tend to conflate the fighting with the cause. But as the character Sportin’ Life sings in Porgy and Bess (which coincidentally is set a few blocks away from where Dylann Roof murdered those nine people), it ain’t necessarily so.

Very few soldiers join the military because of political ideologies. The troops fighting in Afghanistan now don’t necessarily support the policies that dictate their deployment. The troops who fought in Vietnam didn’t necessarily feel communism in Southeast Asia was a threat to the United States. And the soldiers who fought for the Confederacy weren’t necessarily fighting for the right to own slaves. Neither were the soldiers fighting for the Union Army necessarily fighting to free the slaves.

I confess, I expect a lot of conservatives to make a hateful defense of the Confederate flag. What I didn’t expect in the debate was the level of widespread collective vitriol from liberals. I didn’t expect to see comments like these — aimed at all Southern folk — from sites like Daily Kos:

Southern people have blood on their hands from the 1960s from two fucking days ago! They do absolutely nothing about gun violence – FUCK THEM. I HOPE THEY ARE SCARED, THEY CAN GO TO FUCKING HELL FOR ALL I CARE – THEY ENABLE TERRORISTS, MURDERS MASS SHOOTERS, THEY TAKE AWAY RIGHTS FROM WOMEN, THEY CODDLE CHILD MOLESTERS, FUCK THEM – THEY ARE THE AMERICAN TALIBAN AND I COULD GIVE A SHIT HOW THEY FEEL ABOUT THAT. IN FACT, I WANT THEM TO SECEDE – GET LOST, CREATE YOUR OWN COUNTRY SO WE CAN CUT YOU OFF FROM AMERICA – YOU AREN’T A PART OF THE UNITED STATES, YOU NEVER ACCEPTED DEFEAT AFTER THE CIVIL WAR, THEY TERRORIZED BLACKS IN FORCE THROUGH THE 1960S, THE ARE TRYING TO GUT THE VOTING RIGHTS ACT … THIS ISN’T ABOUT 150 YEARS AGO, IT’S ABOUT RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW. FUCK THEM.

And this:

I haven’t forgotten Lincoln said he would have allowed slavery to continue to save the Union. Or the moral absurdity that was the Emancipation Proclamation. But since he managed in the end to free the slaves and save the Union, while sending 260,000+ southern traitors to hell, I cut him a little slack.

And this:

The civil war was not complex in any way whatsoever. One side wanted to perpetuate and expand human chattel slavery. All other issues were peripheral and subordinate. Anyone who claims differently is either disingenuous, ignorant or an imbecile. End of discussion.

I did not expect to see liberals express that sort of collective hatred directed at an entire group of people based on the actions of a few. I’m talking both about the collective hatred of Southern folks and the collective assumption that soldiers in the Confederate Army shared the ideology of the politicians who sent them to war.

flags and racists

I will not and cannot defend the Confederate flag. But I wasn’t always that way. This is the disclaimer I avoided at the beginning of this post. In the 1990s I had a small Confederate flag that I used to keep in pencil holder on my desk. To me, that flag wasn’t about the Civil War, or about the defense of slavery, or about white supremacy. It was simply a shorthand way of saying I Love the South. Which I do.

But somewhere around that same time I discovered the origins of the Swastika in ancient Hindu cultures. I learned that the term came from the Sanskrit svastika, which referred to a lucky or auspicious object or person. And I came to understand that the meaning of a symbol is contextual — that it doesn’t matter what the symbol originally meant, or what the symbol means to any specific individual. A symbol means what it means to the majority of people now. So I removed the Confederate flag from my desk. That was also a way of saying I Love the South. Which I do.

So yeah, the Confederate flag has no place in any government facility other than a museum. Its defenders need to understand that they can remain proud of how their ancestors acquitted themselves in the Civil War, but they also need to understand that the Confederate flag stands for white supremacy. The liberal detractors of the Confederate flag need to understand that racism isn’t the sole province of Southern white folks, and that prejudice against Southern folks is no more warranted than prejudice against black folks.

I’m rarely disappointed by right-wing conservatives, because I expect so little of them. But I’m very disappointed by those left-wing liberals who’ve recently proved themselves to be just as irrationally hateful as their conservative counterparts.

Liberals, you are my people. But you embarrass me. Your saving throw against Flag Ability to Drive People Mad has failed. Roll 3d12 for Fuckwit Damage.

jeb! and the little sisters

You know, in yesterday’s excitement apathy over Jeb! Bush’s announcement (Oh, did you miss it? Jeb! announced he was really seriously actually going to campaign to become the Republican Party’s failed nominee for President of These United States, plus he surgically attached an exclamation point to his name in the vain hope that somebody, somewhere in a non-vegetative state would show some enthusiasm for him) I missed something. Jeb! actually said something interesting in his speech.

Jeb!

Jeb!

I don’t think he meant to. Or I don’t think he — or anybody in his audience — would find it interesting in the same way I do. But it’s there and since I find it interesting I’m going to inflict it on you. Here’s what Jeb! said:

“[T\he shabby treatment of the Little Sisters of the Poor, a Christian charity that dared to voice objections of conscience to Obamacare. The next president needs to make it clear that great charities like the Little Sisters of the Poor need no federal instruction in doing the right thing.

It comes down to a choice between the Little Sisters and Big Brother, and I’m going with the Sisters.”

Like a lot of folks, you probably responded to this comment with a resounding “Huh? Who are these Little Sisters and what have they got against Obamacare?” Allow me to ‘splain.

The Little Sisters of the Poor is a religious order founded in 1839 by St. Jeanne Jugan. They’re devoted primarily to the care of elderly women who haven’t any other means of support. You have to love and respect them for that. It’s a big group, with more than two hundred institutions in over thirty countries. They’re pretty devout, obviously. After the passage of the Affordable Care Act, the Little Sisters sued the Obama administration, saying the requirement to provide contraceptives and other pregnancy-related services to their female employees violated their religious beliefs.

Jeanne!

Jeanne!

Okay, nothing new there, right? The Bamz went along with them, and his administration basically told religious institutions “You have a problem with providing contraception to your female employees? Fine, sign this form and you won’t have to. If your female employees want those services, we’ll find some other way to make that happen. But you’ll be off the hook.”

Problem solved! Right?

Wrong. The Little Sisters said even signing the form would violate their religious beliefs on account of it just shifted the sin from them to somebody else. In effect, the Little Sisters are saying that by signing the form they’re merely authorizing somebody else to commit the sin in their place — which doesn’t really absolve them of the sin at all.

There’s undeniable logic there, which we can apply to other situations. Let’s say, for example, a Commander-in-Chief signs a document that authorizes forms of interrogation that most of the world define as torture. That CiC doesn’t actually conduct the torture any more than the Little Sisters actually hand out contraceptives. But by the Little Sisters standard, that doesn’t absolve him of the sin.

W!

W! Torture! Sin! Jeb!

That sort of puts a whole ‘nother spin on

“It comes down to a choice between the Little Sisters and Big Brother, and I’m going with the Sisters.”

I wonder if the news media will ask Jeb! about this.

jeb!

Our country is on a very bad course. And the question is: What are we going to do about it? The question for me is: What am I going to do about it? And I have decided.

I am a candidate for President of the United States.

Well, there it is. It’s official. Jeb! Bush has decided to seek the office of President of the United States.

What? You thought he was already running? You thought just because he’s been visiting all the early primary states and meeting with local GOP officials and giving speeches and attending political events that he was already campaigning? You thought he was already a candidate just because he’s been accepting tens of millions of dollars in donations and contributions? You thought just because he’s established a Super PAC and hired campaign staff and event coordinators and political consultants and strategists and pollsters that Jeb! Bush was officially in the race?

Pffft. Silly rabbit. Not at all. Jeb! Bush was simply exploring the idea of running for office.

jeb!

You see, it’s against the law for an actual candidate to directly accept corporate campaign contributions. It’s also against the law for an official candidate to accept foreign contributions, or individual cash contributions in amounts over one hundred dollars, or contributions from government contractors. And hey, it’s also illegal to accept individual non-cash contributions of more than $2,700 per election. Those laws were established to prevent corruption in the electoral process.

If Jeb! Bush had actually been a candidate, he’d have been legally required to report the amounts of money he’d raised, and who he accepted the money from, and how that money was spent. He’d have been prohibited by law from coordinating any official campaign strategies with the Super PAC that supports him.

jeb!2

But hey, Jeb! Bush hadn’t actually said he was a candidate. He hadn’t actually filed a Statement of Candidacy with the Federal Election Committee. And in his speeches to date he’d been careful to insert the phrase ‘if I decide to run.’ So he wasn’t actually a candidate. Which means Jeb! Bush wasn’t really precisely truly properly undeniably breaking the law.

Not at all. No, Jeb! Bush was merely standing off to one side and pissing on the law.

I will campaign as I would serve, going everywhere, speaking to everyone, keeping my word, facing the issues without flinching, and staying true to what I believe.

I think he’s telling the truth. I think he will campaign exactly as he would serve. I think he’ll stay true to what he believes. I think he believes the law doesn’t really apply to people like him.

He’s Jeb! Bush.

i think we can all agree with that

“The church has gotten it wrong a few times on science, and I think that we probably are better off leaving science to the scientists.”

Well, yeah, I think we can all agree with that. The Catholic Church has had a rather testy relationship with science. They’ve done some good work (so to speak) in science. Like the Big Bang Theory. Not the television series, which the Church denies being involved with, but the actual concept of the Big Bang. It was a priest, Father George Lemaître, who came up with that idea. On the other hand, the Church pretty much stepped on its own dick when it came to that Earth-is-the-Center-of-the-Universe business. But still, it was an Augustinian friar, Gregor Mendel, who developed the field of genetics. Of course, the Church turned around and pissed all over the theory of evolution. So yeah, the Church got it wrong a few times. I think we can all agree with Rick Santorum on tha….

Whoa, whoa, wait just a fucking minute here, buddy. Rick Santorum? The smarmy, homophobic, supercilious prick with the pedophile haircut and the sweater-vest — that Rick Santorum? Dude, c’mon — you expect us to agree with him on anything? What the hell was he talking about?

Santorum was talking about the Pope’s views on climate change. He was basically saying that the Pope isn’t a scientist and that…

Jeebus on cheese toast, Rick Santorum…let me get this straight…you’re saying Rick ‘Man on Dog’ Santorum is arguing that we should listen to scientists? On climate change?

That’s what he said. We’re better off leaving science to the scientists. He was….

Okay, okay. This is the same Rick Santorum who said “I always have problems when people come up and say the science is settled. That’s what they said about the world being flat.” Right?

Yeah, same guy. Only now he’s…

The same unctuous Rick Santorum who said “The idea that the Crusades and the fight of Christendom against Islam is somehow an aggression on our part is absolutely anti-historical.” Is that who we’re talking about here? That Rick Santorum?

Yeah, that’s him. My point, though, is that Santorum…

Rick ‘Obamacare is a plot to kill off Republican voters’ Santorum. You’re talking about that particular species of Rick Santorum.

Yeah, but what I’m trying to say here, if you’ll let me finish, is…

Hold on, hold on. Just want to be clear here. We’re talking about that overbearing toffee-nosed putz who argued that contraception is “a license to do things in a sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be.”

Yes, that’s correct. That’s the Rick Santorum we’re…wait. Toffee-nosed?

It’s an old expression. It means…never mind what it means. You know what it means. My point is that Rick Santorum is a festering pustule on the ass of the body politic. He’s a self-righteous, hubristic prig who wants to force everybody to abide by his own medieval religious beliefs. He’s a hypocritical, pretentious, small-minded, petty, pasty-faced bigot who’d be running a cult, except he has the charisma of an under-baked biscuit. There’s no good reason for anybody to listen to anything he has to say on any subject whatsoever. That’s my point.

That’s my point too. That’s exactly the point I was going to make.

Oh. Well yeah, I think we can all agree with that.

Rick "I'm a little teapot' Santorum

Rick “I’m a little teapot’ Santorum

in which i praise a texas republican

I have on occasion frequently mocked Republicans from Texas. In my defense, that particular breed of Republican richly deserves mocking. If you have any spare mocking lying about, spend it on Republicans from Texas. You won’t find a more mock-worthy group of folks.

So I’m delighted to say that today I have nothing but praise for one specific Republican from Texas. I’m talking about former Texas State Representative Todd Smith of Euless (which, by the way, is also known as ‘Tree City USA’.and which, I’m reliably informed, ranks ninth in the percentage of same-sex couples among cities in Texas — two facts that are completely unrelated. Which is a good thing, otherwise Republicans in Texas would likely engage in radical deforestation).

Why am I praising Republican Todd Smith? I’m about to tell you. But first, let’s chat a bit about Jade Helm 15. If you aren’t familiar with Jade Helm, let me first assure you it’s NOT the name of a Marvel Comics superhero. It’s actually a U.S. military training exercise scheduled to take place over a couple of months this summer. Similar exercises have been run in the United States for decades. But we live in Lunatic Times, which means there are a LOT of really stupid, paranoid people (almost all of whom belong to one or another febrile subset of the Republican party) who see Jade Helm as a strategy by our Muslim Kenyan president to…well, the true purpose of Jade Helm depends on which conspiracy theory you prefer to see revealed in ALL CAPS!!!

Here are some of the favorite theories. Jade Helm is a plot to: 1) Give Texas back to Mexico, 2) Impose martial law on…somebody, probably Texans, but can you trust Obama to stop there?, 3) Allow Baraq Hussein Obama to seize control of the entire nation, cancel the presidential elections, and declare him Dictator For Life, 4) Disarm patriotic, freedom-loving gun-owning white Christian patriots and intern them in FEMA camps, 5) Prepare a staging area in the American Southwest for Chinese troops to invade across the Mexican border, 6) Same scenario, only with Russian troops who’ve been arming Mexican drug cartels, 7) Same scenario, only with drug cartels and Islamic terrorists who have been training together for months in Juarez, 8) Same scenario again, only with United Nations peacekeeper troops.

caption maybe
The Russian Gambit — Jade Helm Variation

The evidence for these plots? Somebody spoke to a guy who is a former SEAL who says he saw a train with cattle cars fitted out with shackles. This completely reliable information can only mean the government is going to arrest Christian patriots and haul them to indoctrination camps. Also, Wal-Mart has closed several stores because of “plumbing problems”. Obviously this is a ruse. In reality, those stores are being converted into food distribution centers to feed the invading Chinese/Russian/drug cartel/ISIS/United Nations invasion troops. Also too, the US military has announced its intentions to operate this so-called “exercise” as a means of pacifying resistance, and they’ve asked permission from both State and County governments to conduct the exercise in their territory — and asking permission is completely fucking suspicious. Also too plus in addition, when asked about Jade Helm, military spokesmen claim it’s just a harmless exercise — and they are liars, because it’s perfectly clear that:

For years now, our veterans, Christians, patriots, gun owners, constitutionalists, pro-life advocates, small government supporters, small businesses, real journalists in the press, anti-corruption activists, anti-UN Agenda 21 advocates, anti-global warming supporters, anti-war patriots, anti-criminal immigration supporters, have all been targeted by this administration as enemies of the United States, even within government documents. Are we supposed to trust that they have pure intentions now?

Clearly, the people who believe any of these theories — or even spend a moment seriously considering them — are totally fucking nuts. Or suffering from some sort of terminal prion disease. Or both.

Infected with Jade Helmism
Gov. Abbott desperately trying to save Tinkerbelle

One of those people is Greg Abbott. A lot of folks confuse Greg Abbott with Bud Abbott. Easy mistake to make. Bud Abbott was the chubby putz who was half of the classic comedy team of Abbott and Costello. Greg Abbot is the putz who is the newly elected Governor of Texas. Gov. Abbott, concerned for the “safety, constitutional rights, private property rights and civil liberties” of Texans, ordered the Texas State Guard to monitor the military exercise.

And that finally brings me to Todd Smith. Smith served 16 years in the Texas legislature. He’s a solidly conservative Republican. And he just wrote the best goddamned letter to Greg Abbott. Granted, Smith’s prose is a tad convoluted, but it’s the thought that counts, right? I’m going to print the letter in its entirety. It’s that good.

Dear Governor Abbott,

Let me apologize in advance that your letter pandering to idiots who believe that US navy Seals and other US military personnel are somehow a threat to be watched has left me livid. As a 16 year Republican member of the Texas House and a patriotic AMERICAN, I am horrified that I have to choose between the possibility that my Governor actually believes this stuff and the possibility that my Governor doesn’t have the backbone to stand up to those who do. I’m not sure which is worse. As one of the remaining Republicans who actually believes in making decisions based on facts and evidence — you used to be a judge? — I am appalled that you would give credence to the nonsense mouthed by those who instead make decisions based on internet or radio chock jock driven hysteria. Is there ANYBODY who is going to stand up to this radical nonsense that is cancer on our State and Party? It is alarming that our State Republican leadership is such that we must choose between DEGREES of demagoguery. I know that in many cases you are the better of the two demagogues (see the Lieutenant Governor driven nut job rant regarding your Pre-K program as a recent example). Having been there, I also know that politicians are not always able to speak their mind because they represent large groups of people and not just themselves. But this bone that you have thrown to those who believe that the US Military is a threat to the State of Texas is an embarrassing distance beyond the pale. You are Governor of Texas! This is an open request–from a ghost of our State’s recent Republican past–that you act like it. Enough is enough. You have embarrassed and disappointed all Texans who are informed, patriotic Americans. And it is important to rational governance that thinking Republicans call you out on it.

And he signs it sincerely. How great is that? Pretty great, is how great.

I’m confident I’d have some serious ideological and political (and grammatical) differences with Todd Smith, but at long last there’s a Republican (and one from Texas) who is calling bullshit on these lunatics and the Fuckwit Collective politicians who pander to them.

Yay for Todd Smith.

intercession, and all that

Today, apparently, is the National Day of Prayer. I wasn’t aware of that. I was completely and utterly ignorant that the United States has a National Day of Prayer. I’m not at all sure why we need a National Day of Prayer, but we have one and it’s today.

I learned today is the National Day of Prayer when a friend asked me, saying “Hey, Greg, did you know today is the National Day of Prayer?” He then urged me to go to the National Day of Prayer website and “leave a snarky comment”. When I asked why I’d want to do that, he said “You’re good at snarky comments.” Which didn’t really answer the question (does that count as a snarky comment?).

I did go to the website, on account of I’m curious about stuff like this. And I discovered the mission of the National Day of Prayer, which is

[T]o communicate with every individual the need for personal repentance and prayer, to create appropriate materials, and to mobilize the Christian community to intercede for America’s leaders and its families.

Well. Okay, then. Good on the Christians, I guess. Very thoughtful of them to pray on behalf of America’s leaders (seriously, it IS thoughtful, though I’d be interested to hear some of those prayers involving President Obama). The website also states:

The National Day of Prayer belongs to all Americans. It is a day that transcends differences, bringing together citizens from all backgrounds.

All Americans. Transcends differences. All backgrounds. Unless, it seems, you’re not Christian. That difference, not quite transcended. (Is that snarky? I guess it’s kind of snarky.) Still, thoughtful and all that. The website also includes the official prayer for the National Day of Prayer. Which is pretty old school, with bits about being humbled and broken, and cries for mercy, and a reference to ‘you are our only hope’ (and I’m sorry, I cannot hear that phrase without mentally adding ‘Obi-wan’ and c’mon, you did the same thing, fess up).

There’s a National Day of Prayer video, because you can’t have any sort of national day without a video.

It’s a racially diverse video. There’s young white woman whose boyfriend tells her he just wants to be friends, there’s a hard-working white laborer whose boss tells him he has to work late, there’s a middle-class white woman whose middle-class white husband doesn’t believe in the Bible, and there’s a black kid in sneakers who lives in a neighborhood where other black kids gamble on the sidewalk. The National Day of Prayer apparently allowed the black kid to walk right through a group of thugs shooting dice, caused the middle-class white husband to join his wife reading the Bible, informed the hard-working white guy that he should work even harder, and…well, the young white woman still doesn’t have a boyfriend, but at least she’s white and has a nice sofa on which to cry. So there’s that.

I noodled around for a bit on the National Day of Prayer website, but I didn’t leave a snarky comment. Not because there’s no snark-worthy material there, but because why should I go out of my way to offend Christians? That just seems silly and spiteful. Yes, there are Christians who, despite the fact that we have an actual National Day of Prayer (not to mention national Christian holidays), continue to believe Christians are somehow being suppressed and victimized. And yes, there are a lot of Christians who are astonishing hypocrites.

But so what? Most of the people I know are Christian in some sense, and most of them are good people. I can’t blame them because they share some religious beliefs with people who are total assholes.

But you know what would be cool? If we, as a nation, had a National Day of Not Being a Dick. That would be cool. Or a National Day of Maybe We Should Trust Women to Make Their Own Reproductive Decisions. I’d also like to see a National Day of Get Off Your Ass and Take a Walk or Ride a Bike. Or how about a National Day to Eat Vegan? I’m not a vegan, or even a vegetarian, but I think it would be worthwhile for people to consider the moral consequences of their food choices. I can think of a LOT of national days that seem more relevant and important than a National Day of Prayer specifically for Christians.

If I prayed — if I believed in Something or Someone to pray to — I’d pray for something like that. Even if there wasn’t a national day for it.