You guys, guess what. Our long national nightmare is over. Okay, I know that’s what Gerald Ford said when Richard Nixon resigned the presidency — but according to some folks, we got ourselves re-nightmared when our current president was elected (if he really was). But those folks can relax now, on account of the nightmare is over again. 

Well okay, it’s almost over. It’ll be over on November 19th. That’s the day, according to Larry Klayman (God-loving Founder of Freedom Watch) when good, decent American citizens will gather in front of the White House “in the millions.” In the millions, you guys. And after they’ve gathered, decent American Larry Klayman says they’ll begin this chant:

“Mr. President (to use the term loosely), put the Quran down, get up off your knees and come out with your hands up!”

Well okay, it’s not a great chant. It lacks a certain rhythm. Well, okay, it lacks any sort of rhythm at all. I suppose you could blame the parenthetical comment “(to use the term loosely)”. It doesn’t slide gracefully into the chant. But what’s more important — rhythm or passion? I’m sure that under the leadership of patriotic citizen Larry Klayman, those millions of people will overcome their complete lack of rhythm through the power of their passion.

Larry Klayman (good, clean, god-loving, decent  American)

Now you may be wondering how that’s going to end our long national nightmare? Allow me to explain.

Here’s what happened. Muslim Kenyan Barack Hussein Obama was recently indicted by a grand jury. Well okay, it was a Citizens’ Grand Jury. Well okay, it was a group of citizens Larry Klayman (Patriotic American) gathered together in Ocala, Florida (county seat of Marion County, population 56,945) and called a grand jury. And yeah, okay, maybe they don’t have any legal authority or power or official-sounding stuff like that, but they looked at the evidence prepared by an unbiased prosecutor (Larry Klayman). And you guys, after carefully considering that evidence, these people totally issued an indictment against Gay Socialist Barack Hussein Obama.

You’re going to find this hard to believe, but despite this indictment, Barack Hussein Obama (anti-white racist native of Muslim, Kenya) refused to submit himself for trial. You guys, he just outright refused. Can you believe that? So the Citizens’ Grand Jury had no choice; they were forced to try him in absentia. And you guys, guess what. They found Atheist Usurper Barack Hussein Obama totally guilty. What was he found guilty of? .

— defrauding the American people and Floridians by proffering them with a fake birth certificate

— tricking voters into electing him in 2008 and 2012

— also too, being Muslim, socialist, anti-Semitic, anti-Christian, anti-white, pro-illegal immigrant, pro-radical gay and lesbian agenda

— also too in addition, Benghazi-gate, IRS-gate, Navy SEAL Team VI-gate, Fast and Furious-gate, and NSA-gate

Having been found totally guilty, Shari’a Law Professor Barack Hussein Obama was sentenced to “the maximum prison term for these offenses of 10 years.” Ten years! He was also “ordered to immediately surrender himself into the custody of the citizens of the United States and Florida.” But you guys, Barack Hussein Obama (Christ-hating anti-gun homo) didn’t surrender himself at all.

This, of course, came as no surprise to freedom loving Larry Klayman. He predicted that Barack Hussein Obama (African Usurper) would flout the law.

“Obama will not willingly obey the law of the people. He will attempt to hide behind the iron fences of the White House, perhaps cowering under his desk for fear that the people will rise up and demand his ouster.”

The good news is that now the millions of people who will gather in front of the White House on November 19th will know exactly where to find Negro Coward Barack Hussein Obama. Under his desk. And they will gather, those millions of people, on account of Larry Klayman (Popular Leader) has told them that this is the greatest crisis facing the American People (of whom Barack Hussein Obama is not one) since the Revolutionary War.

“[T]he tyranny that has been imposed by a new despot, one far more evil than King George III. King George III may have been a greedy “control freak,” but at least he was a Christian. The United States is being run by a Muslim bent on furthering an Islamic caliphate who seeks to destroy our spirituality and the body politic of our Judeo-Christian roots.”

King George III, greedy control freak, Christian

Barack Hussein Obama (Godless Commie Nancy-Boy) is nothing at all like white Christian control freak George the Third, no sir. Obama wants to destroy our roots, you guys. And so good, decent American Larry Klayman says all good and decent Americans need to act. He says we need to “stand tall and descend on the capitol.” If you stand low and descend on the capitol nobody will be able to see you.

Convicted Satanist Barack Hussein Obama needs to look out from under his desk on November 19th and be able to see the tall-standing millions of good, decent Americans, and hear them chanting. And when he does, then…then…I guess he’ll, what, resign?

I don’t know…maybe this plan needs a little work. I’d suggest Larry Klayman begin by meeting with a good chant consultant. Then somebody should remind him of this quote by Christian King George the Third:

“I wish nothing but good; therefore, everyone who does not agree with me is a traitor and a scoundrel.”

Great minds think alike…and so do greedy Christian control freaks.

I love a good protest. There’s nothing more American than a protest (except maybe guns or football — you know what would be SO COOL? If they played a football game on a field surrounded by trucks filled with guns). I’m a huge fan of the right to assemble freely and openly, to speak out against…well, almost any damned thing. It always makes me proud, even if the protest is something I disagree with. Even if the protest is stupid and pointless. And you guys, this IS that protest.

A million truck drivers are planning to show up in Washington, CD in their trucks and shut down America.

They’re not going to shut America down forever, of course. They’re only going to shut it down for three days in October. Just long enough to prove their point. And just what IS their point? I’m glad you asked.

According to RidefortheConstitution.org, “There are so many reasons we need to rise up.” SO MANY REASONS, you guys. And they listed a few of them, including:

Fuel prices are unnecessarily high. Every American is now paying $4-$5 per gallon because the rich say so. The USA can drill for oil TOMORROW and bring the price of gasoline and diesel under $1.00 a gallon but we are slaves to a bunch of Saudi’s.

We now support Al Qaeda. This must end immediately.

Obama must be impeached for the crimes he has committed while in office. Period. This is not a conspiracy theory, it is a fact. The only reason why he has not been impeached is because Congress refuses to.

The US Constitution is being torn apart. We must arrest and try all legislators who violate the US Constitution.

There are so many cover-ups it is almost impossible to list them here.  Benghazi, Seal Team 6 Six, Osama Bin Laden death, drug running (CIA) and gun running by the US Justice Department.

There you go. The truckers just want the US to drill for oil tomorrow so we can stop being slaves to the Saudis. Is that so unreasonable? Also, they want the US to stop supporting al Qaeda and impeach President Obama (which is totally NOT a conspiracy theory — or any sort of theory at all, but mostly not a conspiracy theory). The truckers also want us to know the only reason Obama hasn’t been impeached yet is because Congress hasn’t impeached him yet. So clearly, the truckers think Congress ought to be arrested for violating the Constitution by not impeaching Obama yet.

Also Benghazi (clearly we don’t know the whole truth there on account of Hilary Clinton isn’t in prison). And Seal Team Six (I guess Obama made their helicopter crash, which is totally an impeachable offense). And Osama bin Laden (who, it seems, died ten years ago and his body is being kept in liquid nitrogen so it can be used as a propaganda tool at a future politically expedient time — frozen Osama, you guys). Plus some other very serious issues, all of which can be dealt with by driving 1,000,000 trucks into the District of Columbia.

The truckers want your support in their effort to shut down America. You, the ordinary non-al Qaeda-supporting citizens of America. They not only want your support, they demand it.

 If you are a fed, a member of the US Military, a law enforcement official, or a member of the judicial system, you have sworn an oath.  You will either join us in upholding you oath, or you will immediately be considered our domestic enemy. The choice is yours.

We want a peaceful resolution.  We don’t even want this event to take place.  If on October 10th, all congressman and senators agree to follow the US Constitution and the law, the event is not necessary.  If they REFUSE to do so, they will be personally responsible for collapsing our system of commerce. The choice is theirs.

They’re really going to do it, all those truckers. They don’t want to, but they’re being forced to because nobody else will enforce the Constitution. So it’s up to truck drivers to deal with it.

It’s totally going to happen. They’re absolutely no-shit going to shut down America. I know this for a fact because somebody told this guy it was going to happen. And this guy, who I’ve never met or heard of, has never lied to me before.

So if you’re like me — if you love a good protest — then you won’t want to miss it when one million trucks jam themselves into downtown DC. Or maybe not a full million. I mean, there are only about 3.5 million truckers in the entire United States, and fewer that 400,000 of them are independent truckers. The rest drive for trucking companies. But I’m sure those companies will be willing to give their drivers a couple days off, and pay for the fuel to get their trucks to DC and back again. They’ll be proud to give up those profits because that’s the American way. And no doubt all those independent truckers will be delighted to give up a couple of days of their time and drive their own trucks to DC at their own expense.

And when they do, they’ll totally shut down America. Because…you know, freedom. It’s what Chuck Norris would want.

       “We HAVE to do something about Syria!”
       “Okay. Why?”
       “Because the Syrian government used chemical weapons against their own people!”
       “Okay. But hasn’t the Syrian government been killing their own people for a couple of years now?”
       “Yes. But this time they used chemical weapons!”
       “Okay. Do chemical weapons kill their victims deader than conventional weapons?”
       “You don’t understand! Chemical weapons are indiscriminate!”
       “Okay. But when the Syrian government shelled neighborhoods where insurgents were suspected of hiding, wasn’t that also indiscriminate?”
       “The chemical weapons killed noncombatants! Women! Children! Old people!”
       “Okay. Didn’t the shelling also kill women and children and old…”
       “We have to do something to stop the killing of innocents!”
       “Okay. What do you suggest?”
       “Launch missles! Drop smart bombs!”
       “Okay. And you can guarantee that won’t kill innocents?”
       “There is always collateral damage! But we have to stop Syrian President Assad from using chemical weapons!”
       “Okay. So we should destroy his chemical weapons facilities?”
       “No! That would contaminate the area!”
       “Okay, so we should drop bombs and launch missiles at Assad? We should kill him?”
       “No! He’s the only one we can negotiate with! And he’s not a radical Islamist!”
       “Okay. So who do we fire these missiles at? Who do we drop the bombs on?”
       “Airfields! Command and control centers! Military installations!”
       “Okay. But that’ll just kill a bunch of mid-level officers and support staff, won’t it?”
       “Yes, that’s correct!”
       “Okay. If we destroy a bunch of military installations and kill those people, will that prevent the Syrian government from deploying chemical weapons?”
       “No! Chemical weapons can be fired from any artillery piece!”
       “Okay. So we’d have to destroy all the Syrian government’s artillery. Can we do that?”
       “No! Many of them are deployed in areas inhabited by civilians!”
       “Okay. So what should we do? Send in ground troops?”
       “Are you fucking crazy? We can’t send in ground troops!”
       “Okay. So we can’t kill Assad, right?”
       “Correct!”
       “Okay, and we can’t target the places where the chemical weapons are created, right?”
       “Correct!”
       “Okay, and we can’t target the individual weapon systems that actually fire the weapons, right?”
       “Correct!”
       “Okay, and we can’t send in ground forces, right?”
       “Are you fucking crazy?!”
       “Okay. So basically, we can’t actually prevent Assad and his government from using chemical weapons against their own rebellious citizens.”
       “Correct! But we HAVE to do something, or America will be blamed and people will hate us!”
       “Okay. You’re saying if the U.S. does nothing, we’ll be blamed and people will hate us?”
       “Yes, that’s correct!”
       “Okay. But if we do something and it doesn’t work, won’t we still be blamed and won’t people still hate us?”
       “Yes, that’s correct!”
       “Okay. But even if we did something and somehow whatever we did magically worked, wouldn’t we be blamed for not acting sooner?”
       “Yes, that’s correct!”
       “Okay. So the United States is going to be blamed regardless. Won’t people hate us anyway?”
       “Yes, that’s correct!”
       “Okay. Okay, so to summarize, regardless of what we do or don’t do, the Assad government will be able to use chemical weapons against their own people and the United States will be blamed and hated regardless. And regardless of what we do or don’t do, civilians will continue to be killed at random.”
       “Yes, that’s correct!”
       “Okay. So we’re fucked.”
       “Yes, that’s correct!”
       “Okay. And the Assad government is fucked.”
       “Yes, that’s correct!”
       “Okay. And the Syrian people are fucked.”
       “Yes, that’s correct! Massively fucked! Fucked all around!”
       “Okay. And knowing all that, your position is…?”
       “We HAVE to do something about Syria!”