Category Archives: stuff that’s just fucking stupid

i love fútbol — i fucking hate fifa

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I love fútbol. I love the game and I love the term fútbol. It just sounds and looks so much more interesting than either ‘football’ or ‘soccer’. Plus fútbol more appropriately reflects the international nature of the game.

I particularly love women’s fútbol. It’s not quite as fast as the men’s game, but I prefer their style of play. There are fewer players who engage in diving, there is more emphasis on teamwork, there are fewer prima donnas, and above all there is more pure joy from the players in their athleticism. Women’s fútbol is simply more fun to watch.

So I’m completely over the moon that, in just over a week, the Women’s World Cup will begin in Canada. And I’m completely pissed off about the way the best women fútbol players in the world are being treated.

Women's Soccer vs. Iowa

There has never, in the entire history of the World Cup, been a match played on artificial turf. Until now. All of the venues in which the Women’s World Cup will be played this year have artificial surfaces. That’s bad — bad for the players and bad for the game.

It’s bad for the players because playing on artificial turf increases the chances for injury. We’re not just talking about turf burns, which may seem relatively minor (but aren’t); we’re talking about serious injuries. There are more ankle injuries — some of which might only slow a player down, some of which might cause a player to miss a game, some of which might end a career. Artificial turf can cause a metatarsophalangeal joint sprain — more commonly known as ‘turf toe’ — in which a player’s big toe becomes hyper-extended. Have you ever had a toe injury? It changes the way you walk (assuming you can even wear a shoe), so imagine how it affects a player in a running sport. And if that’s not bad enough, playing on artificial turf increases a player’s chance of concussion. That’s true even for American football players — and those guys wear helmets.

Turf burn

Turf burns

It’s bad for the game because the increased risk of injury affects the style of play. Here’s what Heather O’Reilly — a midfielder on the US team — had to say about playing on artificial turf:

“Slide tackling on grass – you know, you get up, you shake the grass off, get the dirt off. On turf unfortunately, a little layer of your skin comes up with every slide tackle so you get turf burns. Those diving headers that are so exciting on the world stage aren’t going to happen on artificial turf because you can get injured. So it changes the game quite a bit.”

Another problem is the ball moves quite a bit faster on artificial turf. That means more balls going out of bounds, which translates into more throw-ins, which results in less action on the field. The rhythm and fluidity of the game changed.

wambach 2012 olympics

Let me say it again. Playing fútbol on artificial turf is bad for the players and bad for the game. Here’s former Canadian national team player Carrie Serwetnyk on the issue:

“[The decision to use artificial turf] like saying that women’s Olympic track would be taking place on a cinder track instead of a rubber one.”

It’s pretty much unthinkable that the same decision would be made in the men’s World Cup, or in any of the qualifying matches. So why is the Women’s World Cup being played on artificial turf? Because FIFA, the organization that runs international fútbol, has no respect for women as athletes. That’s it. That’s the entire reason.

How do we know that? Because when the women players learned they’d be playing on artificial turf, they complained to FIFA. Sixteen months before the World Cup starting date, more than 70 top-ranked players from at least 17 national teams signed a letter, asking FIFA to insist on grass surfaces. FIFA ignored them. So the women sued FIFA, accusing them of gender discrimination, arguing that men’s teams would never be forced to play on an artificial surface instead of natural grass. FIFA refused to publicly address the lawsuit, and stalled. Eight months ago the women asked the court for an expedited hearing, since the turf would have to be changed before the games began. FIFA continued to stall and refused all attempts to negotiate. According to their lawyer, some of the women involved in the suit were threatened with suspension from their local governing bodies.

In January, when it became clear nothing was going to happen, the women withdrew their suit to concentrate on preparing for the World Cup. FIFA didn’t comment.

alex morgan ankle injury

There’s a lot of money in FIFA. A lot of money and a lot of secrecy. The bonuses — not the salaries, just the annual bonuses — for FIFA officials in 2012 amounted to more than thirty million dollars. The recently indicted FIFA officials were accused of taking more than US$150 million in bribes.

How much would it have cost for FIFA to equip the World Cup 2015 stadiums with grass? Between three and six million dollars. Money wasn’t the issue. The issue was the health and safety of the women players. The issue was respect.

I love fútbol. I love the Women’s World Cup, and I’ll watch almost every match. I love fútbol. But I fucking hate FIFA.

standing in the doorway to scientific progress

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First Guy — So then, did you hear about this guy from Georgia?

Second Guy — Which guy from Georgia?

First Guy — Him, the guy that’s opposed to human-jellyfish hybrids.

Third Guy — The fuck?

First Guy — Kirby, that’s his name. Tom Kirby. He’s in the Georgia legislature, if you can believe it. Says the people of Georgia are opposed to the mixing of human embryos with jellyfish cells to create glow-in-the-dark humans.

Second Guy — He wouldn’t be a Republican, this Kirby fella, would he?

First Guy — He would.

Third Guy — Can they do that? Can they, the science johnnies? Jam some jellyfish muck into a human embryo and create a…

First Guy — Pffft, don’t be an idjit.

Second Guy — Would this be the same nitwit who wondered if a woman could swallow a wee camera and let doctors do a gynecological exam over them internets?

First Guy — No, that nitwit is from Idaho. Also a Republican, though.

Third Guy — Be cool, though, wouldn’t it, if they could. Totally cool. Except for the poor bastard who was out there glowin’ in the dark like some fuckin’ human exit sign.

Second Guy — This wouldn’t be the same nitwit who said parents with sick children shouldn’t be forced to get them medical treatment, would it? The one who said if the children die they’d be with god and all his bright angels?

First Guy — No, that’s an entirely different nitwit. Also from Idaho, though. And yeah, a Republican.

Third Guy — His electricity bills would go down, though, wouldn’t they. The human jellyfish, I mean. Wouldn’t need a readin’ lamp, would he. Be handy for him, though, if he was one of them guys, the ones who explore caves and all? Them plunkers or whatever? Handy for that, glowin’ in the dark.

Second Guy — Would it be the same nitwit who thinks cancer is some class of fungus, then?

First Guy — No, that nitwit is from Nevada. Also a Republican, though.

Third Guy — He’d be rubbish as a ninja, though, wouldn’t he.

Second Guy — Would it be the same nitwit, then, the one who thought food workers shouldn’t be forced to wash their hands after using the toilet?

First Guy — No, that nitwit is from North Carolina. And yeah, before you ask, also a Republican.

Third Guy — D’ya reckon he’d be able to sting folks too, this guy, the human jellyfish? Tentacle-thingies at the ends of his fingers. Make it hard to be wearin’ gloves. And countin’ out change? Or playin’ at cards? Screw everything up, that would.

First Guy — Will you shut the fuck up? There isn’t any human jellyfish. There aren’t any glow-in-the-dark humans.

Third Guy — No, and there won’t be so long as your man in Georgia keeps standin’ in the doorway of scientific fuckin’ progress.

Editorial note: The aforementioned nitwits, in order, are Tom Kirby of Georgia, Vito Barbieri of Idaho, Christie Perry of Idaho, and Thom Tillis of North Carolina.

that’s not a threat — that’s just regulating

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You may not be familiar with Tarrant County, Texas. It’s named for Edward H. Tarrant, who made his bones in the 1830s and 40s killing the natives who objected to white folks implementing their perfectly reasonable desire to turn traditional Indian hunting grounds into massive cattle ranches.

Texas 2nd Amendment remedies -- 1830s

Second Amendment remedies — Texas, 1830s

Tarrant and his buddies openly carried firearms everywhere because how else were they supposed to protect all those white folks from the depredations of non-white savages. That fine tradition lives on today in the form of a group calling itself Tarrant County Open Carry. This is a collection of truly extraordinary fuckwits who apparently interpret a well-regulated militia to mean ‘any jackass who wants a firearm.’ As in:

Any jackass who wants a firearm, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

The ‘open carry’ movement believes American citizens have a constitutional right to openly tote firearms and other weapons wherever they go, whenever they want to go there. Because NOT carrying a firearm everywhere all the time is bascially the same as pissing in Uncle Sam’s hat. Because failure to have a ballistic weapon on your person at all times means you won’t be prepared when Communists and Muslims and Lesbians Gay menfolks (not lesbians, because TCOC likes to watch a bit of girl-on-girl video) attack you. Or your family. Or somebody else.

The Black Panther Party on the steps of the California legislature

Open Carry Black Panthers

That’s the theory. In practice, of course, it doesn’t apply to black folks. Or Muslims. Because those folks, they’re not real Americans.

Any jackass who wants a firearm, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed if you’re white. Oh, and Christian.

I’ve occasionally mentioned these fucking idjits before — how they thought the NRA was too liberal, how the NRA caved in to the open carry nutjobs, how they’re totally against intimidating women, how armed asshattery is qualitatively different from unarmed asshattery, how it can be difficult to distinguish between an open carry advocates and wanna-be mass murderers, how in some municipalities it’s legal to openly carry a real firearm but illegal to carry a pretend weapon, and about how open carry jerk-offs are unable to distinguish between tyranny and criticism.

Responsible open carry advocate

Responsible open carry advocate

Okay, maybe I’ve written about these guys more than occasionally. You know why? Because they’re stupid and belligerent and armed, and that’s not a healthy combination. Witness this guy, Kory Watkins — the bull goose loony of Open Carry Tarrant County.

I know, to the average person it sounds a wee bit like Watkins is issuing a threat here. You know, that bit where he says:

“Going against the Constitution is treason. And my friend, that is punishable by death.”

So this is a guy who is so afraid of the world that he has to tote a firearm with him everywhere he goes. And he says it’s treason NOT to pass a law that permits everybody to openly carry firearms everywhere they go. And he says treason is punishable by death. So you wouldn’t be stepping out on a limb if you thought Watkins’ comment might maybe could be construed as something akin to a threat. Especially considering the fact that not too long ago one member of OCTC, Veronica Dunnachie, shot her husband to death. Oh, and his daughter too. Because hell, once you’ve shot one person there’s not much to stop you from shooting another.

This, of course, was BEFORE she shot her husband and his daughter to death.

This, of course, was BEFORE she shot her husband and his daughter to death.

But that was probably hormonal or something. I mean, she’s a woman, right? They’re emotional and all. You can’t judge an entire group of folks because some of them commit double homicides. Unless they’re black. Or Muslim.

Any jackass who wants a firearm, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed if you’re white. Oh, and Christian. And probably male, just to be safe.

Anyway, Watkins assures us he wasn’t making any sort of threat to those treasonous bastards in the government who are denying decent Texans their Sacred Second Amendment rights. Good gracious, no. Because TCOC, you see, is “a group of peaceful, law-abiding gun owners” who are only trying to educate Americans about their rights under the U.S. Constitution (see above). They’re totally opposed to violence. Totally. In fact. that’s why they carry firearms everywhere they go. You know, to prevent all that violence.

Just like Edward H. Tarrant did back in the 1830s.

measles liberation

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Three years ago, a few dozen men and women gathered in a VFW hall outside of Ft. Wayne, NJ to attend what organizers billed as the first International Conference on Measles Issues. What the crowd lacked in size, it made up for in enthusiasm. The event was the first real-world gathering organized by the website A Voice for Measles, part of an informal collection of websites, chat rooms and blogs focused on what’s known as the Measles Rights Movement. Speaker after speaker insisted that history would remember this moment.

“It’s happening here. It’s happening now. It’s happening with us,” keynote speaker Ludovic Terwilliger told the crowd. Terwilliger, author of Measles Oppression in America, is often described as the intellectual father of the Measles Rights Movement.

“Society has been trying to suppress measles for centuries,” Terwilliger recently told this reporter. “So-called ‘doctors’ and ‘scientists’ have been quite open in the anti-measles rhetoric. They try to convince the world that Maculopapular Peoples are sick, that they should be isolated from the rest of society, that they can be ‘cured’. Well, we’re not having it. We’re here, kiss my rear, we won’t disappear.”

“Measles are perfectly natural,” said Constance Terwilliger (no relation), the pro-rash mother of three. “I was vaccinated as a child. I don’t blame my parents; they didn’t know any better. I refused to make that same mistake with Snowflake.” Three-year-old Snowflake Terwilliger held onto his mother’s skirt. “I don’t want to wake up one morning and see the light is gone from his little eyes because he caught something from the vaccine. Like autism or something. I don’t want him to have to wear a football helmet for the rest of his life.”

Snowflake Terwilliger

Snowflake Terwilliger

Critics of the growing Measles Rights Movement argue parents who refuse to have their children vaccinated against measles may be making a mistake. “These people are completely fucking stupid,” said Dr. Curtis Aarb, the first doctor listed in the telephone book. “I have slugs in my garden that are smarter than these people. Hell, the petunias the slugs feed on are smarter than these people. It’s difficult to accurately describe the deep, abiding, fundamental stupidity of these people. They’re really, really really, really fucking stupid.”

Ludovic Terwilliger, wearing his trademark Measles Just Want to be Free t-shirt, dismissed Dr. Aarb’s analysis. “Typical anti-measles rhetoric.” He smiled at young Snowflake Terwilliger and his mother, standing in the Mad Teacup line at Disneyland. “We will eventually be living in a maculopapular world. People will just have to get used to it.”

a tragedy

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Okay, yeah…it’s a tragedy. The two-year-old who accidentally shot and killed his momma in a Hayden, Idaho Walmart. The toddler who managed to find his momma’s handgun in her specially-designed-to-carry-a-handgun purse, then squeeze off a single round that hit his momma in the head. It’s a complete, horrific, total tragedy.

It’s a tragedy that poor kid will have to relive over and over. As he grows up he’ll want to know how his momma died. As he gets to know new people — at school, at college, at work — they’ll ask about his family. He’ll have to tell — or think about telling — the story of how he accidentally and inadvertently killed his own momma thousands of times. It’s unspeakably tragic.

And not at all surprising. This shit happens all the time, kids accidentally shooting people. Parents, siblings, aunts and uncles, friends, strangers, pets. It happens all the damned time, all across These United States. It happens for obvious reasons.

walmart logo

It happens because kids are curious. They play with things. They want to handle new things. It’s what kids are supposed to do. They see things, they pick them up, they explore them. Toys, guns, fruit, dog turds, cell phones, staplers, doesn’t matter — kids will pick them up and mess around with them.

It happens because kids learn really early about how to hold and shoot a handgun. They may not understand exactly what a handgun does, but by the time they’re toddlers they’ve seen tens of thousands of images on television and in movies of people holding guns. Kids learn by imitation. Of course they’re going to play with a gun if they find it.

It happens because that’s what guns are designed to do. Kill things. Firearms really are an incredibly efficient technology. Masterpieces of design. Their only function — and let me repeat that; their only function — is to explosively propel a missile at high speed toward a target.

Unbeatable prices! Save money! Live better!

Unbeatable prices! Save money! Live better!

It happens all the goddamned time at big box stores like Walmart because big box stores are essentially fixed point attractors. People congregate there. It happened in Columbus, Indiana; it happened in Phoenix, Arizona; it happened in Antioch, Callifornia; it happened in Jasper, Indiana. Hell, there’s a website devoted to nothing but shootings at Walmart.

It happens because here in These United States we have a gun fetish problem. We have a culture that romanticizes firearms, and celebrates the people who use them. We have a culture that places a higher priority on firearm ownership than on health and safety. We’ve created a culture of fear and suspicion that’s so pervasive, some folks actually believe it’s necessary to be armed to visit Walmart.

Happy Walmart customers

Happy Walmart customers

So yeah, it’s tragic that a two-year-old boy accidentally shot his momma in the head while they were shopping at Walmart. But that shit happens all the time. And nothing will change because of it. And that, of course, is the deeper tragedy.

Editorial note: You can buy a large assortment of firearms and ammunition at Walmart; their prices are unbeatable.

 

Did he have a flag on his lapel?

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This morning I’m oddly pleased that Democrats lost so many of the mid-term elections. It’s not that I think the Republicans will govern well — or at all, for that matter. It’s just that President Obama, having been spanked so badly, has sort of been liberated. For far too long he’s moderated himself to placate timid Democrats who, for reasons entirely beyond comprehension, believed their re-election depended on appeasing conservative white male voters.

Last night the president gave the speech he should have given two or three months ago. Or two or three years ago. And, of course, Republicans are outraged and in an uproar. Sure, they’d have been outraged and in an uproar about something else if Obama hadn’t given the speech. Outrage and uproar is their default position. So this morning I decided to take a dip in the fetid sinkhole of conservative outrage and uproar: FreeRepublic.

King Barry Soetoro’s actions to accelerate the collapse of the United States may portend that the US will collapse.

This is really a classic example of FreeRepublicanism. It’s dismissive of the President of the United States, it’s mocking, it’s angry, it’s inaccurate, it’s badly-written, it’s misleading, it’s paranoid, it’s insulting, it makes no sense, it’s pretentious, and it’s profoundly stupid. It’s very nearly perfect. Ninety-five points.

What's that on his lapel?

What’s that on his lapel?

So King Putt, a well-known Islamic Marxist, has the audacity to reference the Bible to support his illegal agenda? CONGRESS MUST REIGN HIM IN OR THIS NATION IS DONE!!! What kind of country will we leave our children and grandchildren?

DONE!!! That’s what the nation is. So says the guy who doesn’t know the difference between ‘rein’ and ‘reign’. Also, King Putt. Get it? King Putt? You know, because The Bamz thinks he’s a pharoah like King Tut, and he’s an African and Africa is where Egypt is, and he likes to play golf while Americans are beheaded in Syria. So King Putt. Hilarious! You have to wonder how many hours of the day these guys spend trying to come up with clever names for The Bamz. So, points for ALL CAPS, points for clever name, points for the Muslim and Marxist bit, points for extra exclamation marks, points for fretting about the suffering of future generations, points for bad spelling. But low marks for style. Ninety points.

Not watching the end of America. O’Bola, rot in hell.

It’s totally the end of America, you guys! Those five million undocumented aliens will cause America to completely collapse now that they’ll have to get legitimate jobs and start paying taxes! Or something like that. Plus, they have accents and their food smells funny. Also too, O’Bola. Get it? Obama Ebola. See, it’s funny. So, points for the end of America, extra points for the O’Bola stretch, but this guy loses points for the absence of exclamation marks. Seventy-three points. Worthy effort.

He must be impeached now. A precedent such as this cannot be allowed to stand.

Okay, now he must be impeached. All those other times he must be impeached, they don’t count. This time, seriously, impeach. I’m sorry to say, this is a pathetic effort. It’s embarrassing, really. Sure, the precedent comment was a nice pump fake (since, of course, there are LOTS of precedents), but all around, pathetic. Thirty points, tops. I mean, c’mon…not even a clever name.

What the HELL is that...there on his lapel?

What the HELL is that…there on his lapel?

Don’t know, I am not watching the dictator. Cleaning my guns.

Oh, it was a nice start, that dictator business…but a sad failure to follow through. He’s cleaning his guns because…Mexicans are coming? Or The Bamz is planning to take them away? Or just in case Texas secedes from the Union? Or because there will be international race riots after that Ferguson police officer is indicted. Or not indicted. Or maybe he’s cleaning them because the Second American Revolution is just around the corner? Or maybe somebody is playing music he doesn’t like?  All of the above? Points for ‘dictator’ and guns, but significant loss of points for lack of gun-cleaning specificity. It could have been so good…but forty points.

On his lapel, it's sort of fuzzy, is that...what IS that?

On his lapel, it’s sort of fuzzy, is that…what IS that?

My loathing of the illegitimate, bisexual, Marxist Kenyan Muslim Usurper requires medication.

Now this is more like it. His loathing requires medication. Medicated loathing, you guys! Major stupidity points there. And bisexual? Big points. Usurper? Really big points, both for the term and for not understanding what it means. No exclamation marks, which is a shame., and let’s face it, Marxist Kenyan is a tad trite. We’ve all heard that before. But still, seventy-eight points for medicated loathing and Bamzish bisex.

Did he have a flag on his lapel? It didn’t quite look like one, it looked blurry on my tv.

That fucking Obama! There it is! No flag on his lapel! Impeach! ONE HUNDRED POINTS!!!

It's an America flag, you fucking idjit.

It’s an American flag, you fucking idjit.

yay engineers, mostly

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Okay, if we’re so amazingly smart that we can land a spacecraft on a comet (You guys! We totally landed a spacecraft on a comet!), why can’t we convince guys that wearing a “fun shirt” with “illustrations of glamorous women” is…well, completely fucking stupid? Let me amend that. At best it’s completely fucking stupid.

The European Space Agency just accomplished one of the coolest engineering feats ever. All over the world, men and women and boys and girls who love space and science were watching this astonishing event. And Dr. Matt Taylor, the Rosetta Project Scientist with the cool tattoos, shows up on live television wearing a shirt that basically says “I place great value on women who have big tits and wear skimpy outfits.”

Dr. Matt Taylor

Dr. Matt Taylor

 

I mean, yeah, they didn’t make him the Rosetta Project Scientist because of his sensitive social awareness. They made him Rosetta Project Scientist because he’s an expert in space plasma physics (whatever the hell that is). He’s clearly good at his job, and yeah, that’s what counts when it comes to landing spacecraft on comets. Nobody would dispute that. But lawdy, wasn’t there anybody at the European Space Agency who might have said “Dude, maybe change shirts”?

And if the shirt isn’t bad enough, what does Dr. Taylor say about the spacecraft’s mission to lad on the comet? He says:

“This is sexiest mission there’s ever been. I said she was sexy, but I never said she was easy.”

Taylor’s stupid sexist shirt and his stupid sexist comment doesn’t minimize what ESA accomplished. They landed a spacecraft on a fucking comet! But this sort of bullshit has to be discouraging to women and girls who might also want to work in a field where they’d have a chance to land spacecraft on various orbiting objects. It’s got to be disheartening for women and girls who want to be engineers and scientists to see that the Rosetta Project Scientist — the person in charge of this really amazing enterprise — has the emotional age of a 13-year-old boy.

Really good job on the comet landing, Dr. Taylor. Fine work and congratulations on a truly marvelous engineering and scientific achievement. Now please, just grow the fuck up.

Addendum: Dr. Taylor truly seems to have had one of those learning moments. Today he apologized for the shirt, and seemed genuinely distressed by the furor he created. You can see the apology here at about 15:30 into the interview.

It also turns out the shirt was given to him by a women friend for his birthday. And yes, it was a clueless choice of clothing and words, but good on Dr. Taylor for learning from the experience and making a sincere apology for it. Having seen so many phony non-apologies, it’s gratifying to see one that’s genuine.

a little harmless sedition and mutiny

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First thing every morning: coffee and the news. That’s my routine. The coffee because coffee is good, the news because it’s so often horrible. If I read the news first thing in the morning, the day can only get better.

I have favorite types of news stories. One of them is the Republican Shocked to Learn Saying Horrible or Stupid Things Might Not Be Universally Accepted category. You know, like when Todd Akin was surprised to learn there were people who didn’t divide rape into legitimate and illegitimate cases. Or Mitt Romney, who was startled to find that some people didn’t share his opinion that 47% of the population refused to take responsibility for their behavior. I love those little reality checks.

This week’s winner is Debbie Dunnegan Waters.

Supposedly Recorder of Deeds

Supposedly Recorder of Deeds in Jefferson County, Missouri

Ms. Waters is the Recorder of Deeds, an elected official in Jefferson County, Missouri. She recently wrote the following on her Facebook page:

I have a question for all my friends who have served or are currently serving in our military … having not put on a uniform nor taken any type military oath, there has to be something that I am just not aware of. But I cannot and do not understand why no action is being taken against our domestic enemy. I know he is supposedly the commander in chief, but the constitution gives you the authority. What am I missing?

What is she missing? I don’t know…maybe some critical cognitive functioning? I don’t expect elected officials at the county level to be familiar with the details of the U.S. Constitution, but this is some pretty basic stuff, right here. Clearly, she’s heard the phrase ‘domestic enemy’ somewhere, and she seems to understand it’s somehow connected with the Oath of Enlistment. She also appears to realize there’s a link between being President of the United States and being the Commander in Chief of the armed forces. It really shouldn’t be that difficult to reason this through. Most folks learn this stuff in a junior high civics class.

So let me help the poor woman. First let’s deal with that ‘supposedly the commander in chief’ business. It’s right there in the U.S. Constitution (Article II, Section 2, if you’re interested). It says the President of the United States, whether you like him or not and regardless of his race, is the “Commander in Chief of the Army and Navy of the United States, and of the Militia of the several States, when called into the actual Service of the United States.” There you go. Pretty clear, right?

Okay, now why doesn’t the military take ‘action’ against the president? The Unified Code of Military Justice tells us why. It’s in the section on mutiny and sedition — which is sort of a hint (that would be (Article 94, section 894, by the way). It states any member of the Armed Forces who “with intent to usurp or override lawful military authority, refuses, in concert with any other person, to obey orders or otherwise do his duty or creates any violence or disturbance is guilty of mutiny.” And any member who “with intent to cause the overthrow or destruction of lawful civil authority, creates, in concert with any other person, revolt, violence, or other disturbance against that authority is guilty of sedition.” That bit about the ‘lawful military authority’ and the ‘lawful civil authority’? Yeah, that includes the President of These United States. Oh, another thing: the punishment for mutiny and/or sedition? It’s “death or such other punishment as a court-martial may direct.”

Finally, that stuff about ‘domestic enemies’ comes from the Oath of Enlistment. When you join any branch of the military, you have to take this oath:

“I, _____, do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; and that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. So help me God.”

I don’t think you have to mention God anymore, though you did when I enlisted. But that’s irrelevant. What Ms. Dunnegan Waters needs to look at is that middle part of the oath. The part that says “I will obey the orders of the President of the United States.”

So let’s look again at her Facebook comment.

dunnegan twitter

Some people (and by ‘some people’ I mean a LOT of people) pointed out that it’s probably inappropriate for the Jefferson County, Missouri Recorder of Deeds to suggest members of the U.S. military should engage in sedition and mutiny. This, of course, took Ms. Dunnegan Waters completely by surprise. She said,

“I meant no ill intent toward the president. I meant no ill intent toward anybody.”

No, of course not. She just wants the military to take action against him. You know…in the kind, gentle, supportive sort of way the military takes action. And besides, she says, people are just misinterpreting her Facebook comment. In an interview with the local public radio station, she said this:

“I just wanted to know what oath (the military) took. I’m not calling the president a domestic enemy. I’m not calling the president anything.”

Like so many Republicans who say outrageously stupid things, Ms. Dunnegan Waters appears mainly to be surprised that anybody was offended. I mean, how could anybody possibly be upset that she called the president a domestic enemy (which she totally didn’t do, though maybe she did, but if she did (and she did) she didn’t really mean any ill intent, so that’s exactly the same as she didn’t)? And like so many Republicans, she blames all the fuss over how she phrased it, not because of what she said.

“I should have known better than to use certain phrases. Maybe my choice of words was bad.”

No, you said exactly what you meant to say. You just didn’t expect anybody outside your usual circle of Republican nutjobs to notice it. You just didn’t expect anybody would hold you accountable for the things you said. Like so many Republicans who like to talk about stuff like civility and personal responsibility, you just didn’t think it should apply to you.

By the way, Debbie Dunnegan Waters is up for re-election in a few weeks. I hope the good people of Jefferson County, Missouri will give her a lesson in responsibility.