You guys, guess what? Yesterday I suggested the pea-sized testicles of the National Rifle Association had started to descend. You see, they’d published a short editorial entitled Good Citizens and Good Neighbors: The Gun Owners’ Role, in which they said it was “weird” and “scary” and “counterproductive for the gun owning community” for fuckwits to openly go toting rifles and shotguns into private businesses. I mean, even the NRA seemed to recognize that shoppers at Target and Home Depot do NOT want to see a guy in camo pants and an AR-15 slung over his shoulder buying duct tape in the hardware aisle.

The only way to stop a bad guy with a gun, is a good guy with a gun. And some Oreos.

I WAS WRONG! Today the NRA’s shriveled testicles crawled back up inside, making a little ‘ploop‘ sound as they disappeared. They apologized to the fuckwits, and blamed it all on some low-level ‘staffer.’

“…referred to this type of behavior as weird, or somehow not normal. And that was a mistake. It shouldn’t have happened. I’ve had a discussion with the staffer who wrote that piece, and expressed his personal opinion. Our job is not to criticize the lawful behavior of fellow gun owners.”

It’s totally not weird to carry Mr. Kalashnikov’s fine semi-auto rifle while shopping at Target. It’s perfectly normal to be afraid to go to the market and buy Oreo cookies unless you’ve got your Bushmaster over your shoulder and are ready to defend yourself from…you know…from those other shoppers at Target. I mean, there might be some crazy bastard there with a gun. Or a terrorist, maybe. You never know!

“Oh, and we need to get a birthday card for Kyle.”

Anyway, the NRA’s testicles have fully retracted (or disappeared altogether). I know I said otherwise. And that was a mistake. It shouldn’t have happened. My job is not to criticize the fuckwitted behavior of crack-brained dolts.

Well, okay…it kinda is my job.