wildfire, al-qaeda, and renaissance faire terrorists

Posted on June 18, 2013 by greg

The Black Forest wildfire is being described as the most destructive in Colorado’s history. Not the largest, not the most deadly–the most destructive. In Colorado, ‘destruction’ is apparently measured by the loss of property, not the loss of habitat or the loss of life (including animal life). Two people have been killed, more than 15,000 acres have been burned, nearly 500 homes have been destroyed–so far. Officials estimate the fire is only 65% contained. It’s still burning.

The most common cause of wildfire varies widely from region to region because of differences in climate, vegetation, topography, and weather patterns. In Colorado, for example, it’s estimated around two-thirds of the wildfires are caused by lightning, whereas lightning accounts for fewer than 5% of Michigan wildfires. Still, almost all wildfires in the continental United States are either naturally occurring events or are initiated through accidental/incidental human activities (like discarded cigarettes, sparks from equipment, power line arcs, and even residual coal seam fires).

On occasion, people deliberately start a wildfire. It’s pretty rare, but it happens. I mention this for a couple of reasons. First, there are indications that people caused the Black Forest fire. That doesn’t necessarily mean the fire was started intentionally; just that humans were the most likely source of origin. The other reason I mention this is because right wing conservative nutcases have decided this year’s wildfires are acts of terrorism.

Why do they think that? Well, for once there’s some small justification to their paranoia. There’s an online publication called Inspire, which is said to be published by al-Qaeda of the Arabian Peninsula. About a year ago there was an article in Inspire entitled It Is of Your Freedom to Ignite a Firebomb. The article describes how to construct and ignite an ‘ember bomb’ which, according to the magazine, would preferably set off in wooded middle class suburban areas, causing a wildfire that would destroy homes and businesses.

There’s nothing like the trace scent of Islamic terrorism to set the conspiracy-minded ‘patriots’ at FreeRepublic.com frothing at the mouth. Many of the site’s members belong to the school of thought that professes if an act possibly could be terrorism, then it absolutely must be terrorism — and President Obama must be behind it. Here are some actual quotes:

Just a small outcome of having an open-border society, with a welfare state (so that undocumented terrorists can get tax-payer funded cars, gas, matches, maps).

That is why the US Congress and Obama deliberately LEFT THE borders open.

Nobody in the commie media wants to even hint at this, yet we are bombarded by lowest-common-denominator PSAs on the radio quoting “Smokey Bear” who has said FOR YEARS that “nine out of ten wildfires are caused by humans.” But, no “news”casts ever claim this. Hmmmmm….

We should kill terrorists immediately and humiliate them whenever they threaten or do terrorist acts. Leave the average American citizen alone.

Granted, the Smokey Bear emphasis was on carelessness, not malice, however the point remains that, especially today, we have every reason to believe there are enemy agents behind some or even many of the wildfires.

Probably more of Obama’s al-queerda allies.

Have you noticed that local governments and Feds are not even speculating or mentioning anything about the cause of any fire anymore? Their silence is deafening and damning politically to the communist/Islamist rulers. This could be the mother of all covered-up scandals because of the physical damage of burning homes and killing citizens.

I believe it is the Occupy Wall Street (OWS). They travel with the Renaissance Festivals, and the fires start when they come to town and stop when they leave.

I’ve heard the terrorists are just very PATIENT and of course EVIL… and their desire to kill us is #1 priority. I believe they will be striking more often and soon - I feel the Storm coming.

All “news” are passed by the white hive to make sure a lot of people don’t know the collusion and/or incompetence is cleansed and responsibility is attributed to anyone but their ilk.

Is there any evidence that any forest fire in any part of the world has been started by one of these “ember bombs”? No, none. But the singular beauty of conspiracy theories is in their elasticity — their ability to stretch to fit any set of circumstance. They not only refuse to be bound by evidence, they often perceive the absence of evidence as evidence of a deliberate cover-up.

On the other hand, Inspire magazine also published an article entitled Make a Bomb in the Kitchen of Your Mom. It described how to make an improvised explosive device out of a pressure cooker. So it’s not entirely out of the realm of possibility that somebody could start wildfires as an act of terrorism.

But here’s the thing about terrorism, and particularly political and religious terrorism: in order for it to work, the public has to be aware an act of terror took place. It wouldn’t be enough to simply start wildfires and cause destruction; in order to create terror, the public would have to be informed who committed the act and why it was done. Terrorism is about the publicity of mass disruption. And that just hasn’t happened. This is just another loopy conspiracy theory, no different than the conviction that the president is a Muslim Socialist born in Kenya, and was elected because ACORN and the IRS conspired to commit voter fraud in order to destroy America.

I admit it — I like FreeRepublic.com. The people there are mostly rabid gun-toting lunatics whose notions of governance are, in my opinion, profoundly wrong-headed. But I’m glad I live in a nation that allows folks like that to have a voice, and for that voice to be heard.

And hey, maybe the fires really were set by renegade Renne Fair dandies. Anybody who’d serve those appalling turkey legs is capable of almost any outrage.

llamas on parade

Posted on June 16, 2013 by greg

I was surprised to learn the Llama Futurity Association, in conjunction with the International Llama Registry, was having its 2013 World Championship Show & Sale this weekend. In fact, I was surprised to learn there was a Llama Futurity Association and an International Llama Registry. But they actually exist and they were having a llama show.

I’d never in my entire life been to a llama show before. Not once. This one promised to have pack trials (I still have no idea what llama pack trials are), costume classes (sadly, the costume event was held earlier — but c’mon, llamas in costume? It is to swoon), a llama cart pulling competition (which I assume involves llamas pulling a cart), and a live auction (in case you wanted to buy an extra llama while you’re there). Was there any way I was going to miss what might be my only chance to see an international and world llama event? Hell no.

Llamas all around

When we arrived, there were two events underway. The main event was a sort of llama conformation judging. Like the Westminster Kennel Club, only for llamas. A man in a burgundy coat was examining groups of llamas with a critical eye. He had them stand, he had them walk in a circle, he had them…well, stand and walk in a circle. That was pretty much it. Then he’d frown a bit and point at one, then arrange them in some sort of order and everybody mostly seemed please.

I confess, I didn’t give much attention to the llama conformation event, though I’m sure it was fascinating. But somebody mentioned that at the same time, at the other end of the arena, was — and I swear I’m not making this up — a llama agility trial.

Llama standing on a square

It was described to me as the llama equivalent of a dog agility trial. As it turned out, that was a rather generous description. There was certainly an agility course — a set of standard obstacles laid out — and the entrants were required to attempt the course while an impartial judge evaluated the animal’s success at each obstacle. And it was certainly a trial for many of the contestants, both human and camelid. But the concept of agility was stretched pretty thin.

Llama standing on a raised square

The llamas were required to 1) walk under an object, requiring them to lower their heads a few inches, 2) stand on a square, requiring them to stand still with all four hooves on the square, 3) stand on a platform, which was basically a square elevated to a height of maybe six inches, 4) hop over a pair of jumps approximately a foot in height, 5) walk up a ramp, turn a corner, and walk down the ramp without falling, 6) walk backwards for about a meter, 7) walk sideways for about a meter, 8) walk through a puddle, and 9) walk through a short tunnel.

Llama walking on a ramp

Now, this may sound silly. And in some sense it is — it really is. Unlike dogs, many of whom seem to really enjoy running agility obstacles (or at least enjoy the interaction with their handlers), the llamas clearly didn’t give a rat’s ass about the trial. They were mostly willing to be led through the obstacles, but it didn’t take a llamaologist to see that, given the chance, they’d have preferred to just be standing around looking dignified.

Llama walking backwards

I’m told llamas are intelligent animals, and I’ve no reason to doubt that. They have a sort of lofty poise, and carry themselves with solemn stateliness. But I’m not sure anybody could claim they’re particularly agile. Only one of the llamas I watched actually completed the course without incident. With that single exception, the llamas were entirely dismissive of the small jumps; most of them just strolled right through them, not even bothering to acknowledge their existence. It was as if they were too polite to point out that some ill-bred rascal had inadvertently cluttered up the area with some planks.

Llama walking sideways

What kept this event from being completely comical was this: the love and affection felt by the handlers for their llamas. They wanted their animals to do well, to be sure, but mostly they just seemed to enjoy being actively engaged with them. It was rather sweet to watch them together, even when the animals appeared absolutely puzzled about why in the world this human expected them to walk sideways (if llamas had thought balloons, there would have been dozens that said I’m terribly sorry, but I just don’t understand the point of this.)

One of the things that surprised me (and there were a lot of things that surprised me) was that most of the llama handlers were women — primarily young women. In fact, women seemed to be in charge of almost every aspect of the entire llama-fest. There were men and boys there, of course, and a few of them participated in the activities (it also appeared that most of the judges were men), but everywhere I looked it was women who were making things happen and keeping things running smoothly.

A girl and her llama

There’s something wonderful about events like this. There’s no money in it; the only reward is the pleasure of participating. These people brought their llamas (and a handful of alpaca) from all over the U.S. simply out of passion. And that’s beautiful.

So sure, the notion of a llama agility trial is absurd. Who cares. These folks were having fun, and the llamas didn’t seem to object very much. I’d be hard-pressed to find a better way to spend a couple of hours on a Saturday afternoon.

the elves all burst into song

Posted on June 12, 2013 by greg

A few days ago, on a whim, I decided to re-read The Lord of the Rings this summer. It’s been a long while since I’ve read the books. I first read them when I was eighteen years old and in Basic Training. We weren’t allowed to have any books during Basic (or any other personal belongings, for that matter), but somebody had smuggled in the paperback version of LoTR — and we’d chopped them up into something like chapter-sized chunks, easily hideable. About half of my unit, desperate to read anything, passed around the various chapters, sometimes out of order, and we’d discuss the story over chow or when we were out in the field.

I’ve re-read the books a couple of times since then, and I’ve seen the movies, of course. I’m not quite sure what sparked the decision to re-read them again. Maybe the current enthusiasm for HBO’s version of Game of Thrones (which I haven’t seen, though, again, I’ve read the books). But like I said, it was a whim — and I am weak to the whim.

John Ronald Reuel Tolkien

I was surprised and delighted to discover LoTR was available as an e-book, and only for something like ten dollars. So I downloaded it (unlike the print versions, all three volumes and all six books are in one large file, which makes it easy.

The first thing I noticed was the deliberate pace of the writing. I don’t think you could accurately describe it as slowly-paced, but the pacing is very deliberately moderated. Tolkien clearly wanted his readers to settle into the story, to get nestled down into his Middle Earth. That sort of pacing would, I suspect, be a hard sell for a publisher these day. I’ve no doubt an awful lot of modern readers would find the pacing off-putting, but I think it suits the story.

I was reading comfortably along, enjoying the gradual increase in tension — the discovery that Bilbo’s ring was the One Ring, the unexplained tardiness of Gandalf, the sale of Bag End to the dreadful Sackville-Bagginses, the arrival of the wonderfully spooky Black Riders. Then Frodo and Sam and Pippin, making their way through the woods, stumble upon a troupe of wandering Elves.

I’d always remembered this scene with particular fondness. In part, that’s because it’s Sam Gamgee’s very first experience with Elves, and so much is made of his desire to see them. But I suspect I’ve liked this scene in part because when I first read it I was living in a barracks with forty other troops. The tranquility of the scene and the ethereal quality of the encounter was so utterly unlike barracks life. So I was prepared to be charmed. Then I read this:

The Elves all burst into song. Suddenly under the trees a fire sprang up with a red light.

“Come!” the Elves called to the hobbits. “Come! Now is the time for speech and merriment!”

Several things occurred to me at that point. First, Elves can be pretty fucking annoying. I suppose you can excuse the fact that they just start singing en masse, without any warning because…well, Elves. But the tendency to speak in exclamation points is a tad over the top. Actually, when it’s a single Elf speaking it’s not so bad, but as a group they’re awfully exclamatory.

Second, speech and merriment? Okay, they’re Elves — you can’t expect them to say “Let’s hang out, talk, drink a bit, have some fun, whaddaya say?” I get that. But there’s something about the need to announce that it’s time to talk and have fun that sort of mutes the fun of talking. They announce everything, the Elves. “Earlier was the time for walking in green woods! Then came the time for impromptu acapella singing! Now is the time for speech and merriment!”

But as you continue to read the scene, you realize there’s a great deal of speech, but not much merriment at all. What did Frodo and the Elves speak about?

The tidings were mostly sad and ominous: of gathering darkness, the wars of Men, and the flight of the Elves.

That’s awfully merriment-deficient. I’m sure orcs would think that was a hoot, but we’re talking about High Elves here. Maybe they should stick to bursting into song.

Gildor

The third thing that occurred to me was this: Tolkien, as a writer, gets away with a lot of shit we wouldn’t tolerate in a modern writer. He gets away with it because he’s Tolkien. He didn’t invent epic fantasy fiction, but he’s the guy who single-handedly revived the genre, and that makes him an unalloyed literary badass. Only a literary badass could write this and get away with it:

The merry voice of Pippin came to him. He was running on the green turf and singing.

If a student of mine wrote that, I’d bitch-slap him ’til Tuesday. The image of a small, furry-footed being larking about on the lawn and singing like Julie Andrews on an alp is singularly ridiculous. Dude, singing and running at the same time? Really?

But because it’s Tolkien, I not only tolerate it, I embrace it. Yes, his writing is creaky and his style is outmoded and archaic. I don’t care. Yes, his dialog is sometimes (well, often) embarrassing. I really don’t care. John Ronald Reuel Tolkien provides me with speech and merriment, so he gets a pass.

“Courage is found in unlikely places,” said Gildor. “Be of good hope! Sleep now!”

I’m almost certainly going to read other books as well this summer. I’ll take occasional short breaks from reading The Lord of the Rings and dip into something without Elves. But LoTR will be the book I read last before turning out the light. I am of good hope! I may burst into song!

But probably not.

no duty to retreat

Posted on June 7, 2013 by greg

Jury selection for the George Zimmerman 2nd Degree Murder trial is scheduled to begin on Monday. Zimmerman, of course, is the off-duty volunteer watch guard who shot and killed Trayvon Martin in Florida on February 26th of 2012. It’s going to be an interesting and frustrating trial to follow.

I’ve written about this case before — about the importance of the presumption of innocence, about some of the reactions to the case, about the Stand Your Ground laws, and about some of the things the jury will have to consider. On the surface, this case is pretty clear.

Here’s what we know. We know Zimmerman saw a black kid he didn’t recognize in the housing development and became suspicious. We know he notified the police, who told him NOT to follow the kid. We also know Martin was aware he was being watched and followed by a white guy he didn’t know. We know Martin ran to get away from the guy, and Zimmerman chased after him. We know there was some sort of confrontation, and that Zimmerman suffered a broken nose, two black eyes, and a small laceration on the back of his head. We know that Zimmerman fired a single shot at close range (less than 18 inches, possibly as close as one inch) which struck Martin in the chest and killed him.

There are really only two critical things in dispute, only one of which is legally important. First, what took place in the few moments before Zimmerman pulled the trigger — who initiated the confrontation? Second, what did Zimmerman think and believe in those few moments? The answer to the first question would be enlightening, but doesn’t carry much weight. The answer to the second question will, in all likelihood, determine the outcome of the trial.

Under Florida’s ‘Stand Your Ground’ law, it really doesn’t matter who started the fight; it only matters if the person who survives the fight can say without contradiction that he was in fear for his life or safety. That law states:

A person who is not engaged in an unlawful activity and who is attacked in any other place where he or she has a right to be has no duty to retreat and has the right to stand his or her ground and meet force with force, including deadly force if he or she reasonably believes it is necessary to do so to prevent death or great bodily harm to himself.

As long as Zimmerman had a legal right to be where he was (and he did), the only thing that matters is whether he reasonably believed it was necessary to shoot Martin in order to prevent his own death or great bodily harm. It’s a bad law. It’s a stupid law. It’s a law that can actually encourage a person to shoot first and ask questions…no, fuck the questions. Just shoot first. It’s a horrible law. But it IS the law, and you have to work with the law as it exists.

As I see it, there are five possible outcomes: 1) Zimmerman could be convicted of 2nd Degree Murder, 2) he could be convicted of a lesser included offense, 3) he could be acquited by the jury, 4) the judge could dismiss the charge after the prosecution presents its case IF the judge feels the State failed to meet its burden, and 5) the jury might be unable to reach a verdict and the case will either be dismissed or scheduled for retrial.

There is no way this trial will end well. There is no result that will be entirely satisfactory. Some situations are so completely and utterly fucked up that they cannot possibly be unfucked.

shandy

Posted on June 5, 2013 by greg

Last week, rather against my will, I drank a shandy — a Leinenkugel’s Summer Shandy, to be specific. I’ve never liked the notion of a shandy. In the constellation of flavors, beer and lemonade seems a particularly perverse pairing. But again, last week, in an effort to be polite, I drank a shandy.

And I liked it.

It’s the fault of a Bavarian named Franz Xaver Kugler — a former railway worker who, for some unknown reason, decided to give up the rails and try his hand at innkeeping. In the early part of the 20th century, Herr Kugler opened a small establishment called the Kugleralm in the village of Deisenhofen, a few miles outside Munich. He appears to have been something of an innovator. Some of his innovations worked, some didn’t. For example, Kugler was an early adopter of a clear lemon soda, buying several thousand bottles, thinking it would be popular among the railway workers. It wasn’t. Those bottles ended up gathering dust and cobwebs in the Kugleralm cellar.

Kugler was more successful in his attempt to cash in on the bicycle craze which swept through post-World War I Germany. He helped create a bicycle path that ran through the forest, from Munich to Deisenhofen (and which, conveniently, passed directly by his inn). Herr Kugler hadn’t counted on the trail being quite so popular, however, and one summer afternoon in 1922 he found himself running short on beer. Out of desperation, he began to mix the beer with the unsellable lemon soda he had stored in his cellar.

The new concoction was different, it was refreshing, it lowered the beer’s alcohol content to the degree that cyclists could drink their fill and not fret about being able to ride without tipping over. Kugler the innovator decided to call the new drink Radlermass (radler meaning ‘cyclist’ in German).

There are LOTS of regional variations on the drink, each with its own regional name, but they’re all basically beer mixed with something like lemonade — which, to my ear, still sounds absolutely horrid. But what can I say? Now there’s a six-pack of Leinenkugel’s Summer Shandy sitting in the refrigerator (well, to be honest, by now it’s only a two-pack).

I know tap-heads will recoil in horror. Let them. I am (mostly) unashamed. A shandy may not be cool, but it’s cooling, and it’s pleasant to sit outside on a hot afternoon after a bike ride and read a good book and sip on a bottle of good Herr Kugler’s desperate drink. It was made for bicyclists, after all.

defending asshole rights

Posted on June 4, 2013 by greg

This is Barry West. He’s one of the County Commissioners of Coffee County, Tennessee. He’s also an asshole. He may or may not be a racist — I don’t know. But he’s most definitely an asshole.

Coffee County Commissioner Barry West (asshole)

Why do I think he’s an asshole? Because of the photograph below. Let me be clear; Barry West didn’t create that photograph. That’s not him in the photograph. He simply posted the photo on his Facebook page. He’s an asshole because he thinks pointing a firearm at Muslims is amusing.

When a local newspaper asked him if he was prejudiced against Muslims, Barry said “I’m prejudiced against anyone who’s trying to tear down this country, Muslims, Mexicans, anybody.” He didn’t explain why he thinks Muslims and Mexicans are trying to tear down this country, but maybe the reporter didn’t ask him. And really, that doesn’t matter.

Predictably, Barry West caught a HUGE amount of shit from people who found this photo offensive and decided Barry was an asshole. He removed the photo from his Facebook page eventually, but that doesn’t make him any less of an asshole. It just makes him an asshole who’s embarrassed to be recognized as an asshole.

Muslims, of course, were particularly offended. It’s important to remember that a lot of mosques and Islamic centers in Tennessee have been the target of arson and vandalism over the past half decade. Just a couple of years ago in Murfreesboro, Tennessee (in a county that adjoins Coffee County), residents attempted to prevent the construction of a mosque by every means possible, legal and illegal. They tied it up in zoning hearings, they filed frivolous lawsuits, there were numerous incidents of vandalism, and eventually an arson attack on the construction site. All that in a city with 140 Christian churches and only one mosque. So the concern of Tennessee Muslims was understandable.

But here’s the thing about Barry West: he has the perfect right to be an asshole. He has the right to post photographs other folks (including me) see as offensive and racist. I totally defend his right to be an asshole. The Constitution of the United States expressly protects his right to be an asshole and say stupid and offensive things. That’s why I’m talking about Barry West. It’s also why Bill Killian was talking about Barry West.

U.S. Attorney Bill Killian

Bill Killian is the United States Attorney for the Eastern District of Tennessee. Tonight he’s speaking at a seminar sponsored by the American Muslim Advisory Council of Tennessee. In recent days, though, Killian spoke to the news media about Barry West and the photo. He said, “We need to educate people about Muslims and their civil rights, and as long as we’re here, they’re going to be protected.” He also said, “If a Muslim had posted ‘How to Wink at a Christian,’ could you imagine what would have happened?” And then Killian added that one of his purposes in addressing the subject was to:

“…to inform the public what federal laws are in effect and what the consequences are.”

And that has set off a conservative shitstorm. A lot of conservative Christians seem to think any statement defending the civil rights of Muslims is somehow a threat against Christian conservatives. Politico.com proclaimed Feds suggest anti-Muslim speech can be punished. Well, no, the Feds didn’t suggest that at all. Breitbart.com says Posting Something Mean About Muslims on Social Media Might Be a Criminal Action Under Federal Civil Rights Laws. Well, no, it’s not a criminal action. GatewayPundit says Obama DOJ: Trashing Islam on Social Media Will Have Legal Repercussions. Well, no, there won’t be any legal repercussions. And my absolute favorite — one conservative blogger, in a post entitled Tomorrow the DOJ Plans to Repeal the First Amendment, wrote this:

Bill Killian, U.S. attorney for the Eastern District of Tennessee will start educating people about the repeal of the First Amendment, only he want call it that… Instead he’s going to tell us if you criticize Murdering Islamic Terrorists, the DOJ might decide you’re violating their Civil Rights.

All this faux outrage (remember, Attorney Killian hasn’t even spoken at the seminar yet) is intended to do three things. First, it’s meant to make bigots feel justified in their bigotry. Second, it’s meant to change the subject from the actual verbal assaults against Muslims to imaginary assaults against bigots. And third, it’s meant to fuel the paranoid delusions of white Christian bigots.

So what did Killian really mean when he mentioned ‘what federal laws are in effect and what the consequences are’? He meant this:

People are free to hate, as long as they don’t act on it. Hateful statements directed at another will be used as evidence in a hate crime.

So Killian was, in effect, saying Barry West is free to be an asshole and say hateful things (and post hateful photographs on Facebook — so long as Facebook allows it), but if he’s ever accused of a hate crime, those hateful things might be used as evidence against him.

Some day I’m going to do some research and try to figure out at what point conservatives became such whiny little crybabies.

you’re too late in asking

Posted on June 2, 2013 by greg

If you’re a fan of John Prine, you’re familiar with his song Paradise. If you’re not a fan of John Prine, well damn…what the hell is wrong with you? But if you’re not a fan I’ll educate your sorry ass. Listen to this:

That song is based on actual events. There really was a town in Muhlenberg County, Kentucky called Paradise. You can still find it on Google Maps, though all you’ll see is a coal processing plant in the bend of a chalky river. And in 1962, just as the song says, the Peabody Coal Company did, in fact, bring in the world’s largest shovel to dig for coal. It was a monstrous fucking shovel, as you can see by this old post card.

Be sure to look in the lower right hand corner. Those soft little squishy things? Those are people.That’s how big this shovel is. The scoop could hold 115 cubic yards of…well, of whatever it scooped up, and I suspect it could scoop just about anything it wanted. Peabody Coal named the shovel Big Hog, and just like the song says, they used it to dig for coal until the land was forsaken.

Big Hog was retired from service in the mid-1980s, after twenty-some years of faithful service. Okay, the service was destroying the land — but Big Hog did it faithfully, day after day, week after week, year after year. Peabody Coal honored that service by burying the massive shovel in what’s probably the world’s biggest grave for a machine. They interred the shovel in one of the pits it dug. It’s still there.

If only Peabody treated its human workers with that same respect and dignity.

The Peabody Coal Company is now Peabody Energy, the world’s largest private coal provider. They provide coal to China, Australia, Germany, the United Kingdom, Indonesia, and Singapore, as well as the United States. In fact, they generate 10% of the electricity used in the United States and somewhere around 2% of electricity generated throughout the world. Peabody Energy is big. They hold majority interests in twenty-eight surface and underground mining operations.

One of those operations is Patriot Coal. Peabody created Patriot in 2007, giving them around 13% of their coal reserves. That made Patriot a major player in coal. But Peabody also gave Patriot around 40% of their health care liabilities. That’s right, Peabody dumped the health care costs for more that 8,000 men and women who retired from Peabody onto a new company.

You won’t be surprised to know that coal mining is hard work, and coal miners — both those who work on the surface and those who work underground — experience a lot of long-term health problems. Unions for coal workers naturally include health care costs for retirees in the contracts they negotiate with coal providers. By shifting those costs to Patriot Coal, Peabody Energy was no longer responsible for them.

So what does Patriot Coal do? They soon buy Magnum Coal, which was a subsidiary created by the Arch Coal Company — the second-largest mining company. Arch Coal had saddled Magnum with the health care costs of more than 2000 retired Arch coal miners. So by acquiring Magnum, Patriot — a company that’s only five years old — suddenly found itself overwhelmed by health care costs for more than ten thousand workers who never actually worked a day in their lives for Patriot.

Here’s a surprise: Patriot Coal couldn’t afford to pay for the health care needed by all those retirees. As a result, last summer they were forced – forced — to file for bankruptcy to protect the company from all those health care expenses.

Last week, Bankruptcy Judge Kathy Surratt-States ruled Patriot would be allowed to disregard the health care benefits the mine workers had been guaranteed in their contracts with Peabody and Arch. The judge, who was appointed in 2003 by President George W. Bush, acknowledged that Patriot Coal may have actually been “created to fail.” But the transfer of retirement benefits to that company was legal — and some sacrifices have to be made in order for the company to survive. So tough shit, mine workers. In her ruling, she even suggested the mine workers union was partly at fault for “demanding benefits that the employer cannot realistically fund in perpetuity.” As if the union was to blame for management’s decision to sign the contract.

That wasn’t the only recent decision Judge Surratt-States issued in regard to the Patriot Coal Company bankruptcy. About three weeks ago she agreed to allow Patriot to distribute US$6.9 million in bonuses to 225 of their corporate executives and salaried employees.

Mine workers denied the benefits guaranteed them by contract, executives given bonuses, coal companies relieved of the burden of keeping any promises they made — but hey, at least Big Hog got a decent burial. That’s pretty cool.

And daddy won’t you take me back to Muhlenberg County
Down by the Green River, where Paradise lay.
Well, I’m sorry my son, but you’re too late in asking.
Mr. Peabody’s coal train has hauled it away.

gregfallis.com

it's this or get a real job