Category Archives: comrade trump

tactical yardwork

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I’m sure you’ve all asked yourselves this very same question: “What do I do when I’ve declared a national emergency and activated the National Guard to fight crime, but then there’s almost no crime to fight?” It’s annoying, right?

I mean, they elect you to be POTUS and they give you the entire District of Columbia National Guard to play with, so obviously you’d want to use them to guard the nation against something. Otherwise they’re just wasted, sitting there on the shelf. So, crime. Nobody likes crime. Crime is a good thing to fight. Everybody likes crime-fighting. It’s popular on television. It’s not YOUR fault there’s not much crime to fight.

Courageous National Guard troops, dressed in camouflage AND hi-visibility vests engage trash.

So there you are, you’ve got your troops all dressed up and no crime to fight. What to do, what to do? EASY! Make them fight trash! DC is host to tens of thousands of foreign tourists who toss trash all over the fucking place because that’s how they behave in foreign countries. Except, not so many people are coming to DC now, because they’re not really welcome. Besides, you’ve told them DC is a dangerous shit-hole. So the trash assault is a pretty short term event.

Courageous National Guard troops mulching like nobody has mulched before.

But hey, DC is also beautiful. Trees and bushes and all sorts of pretty flowers, and that shit has to be mulched. The National Guard may not be trained to mulch, but they know how to improvise, adapt, and overcome. Issue them rakes and hoes and other geoponic implements, and turn them loose. They’ll mulch the absolute shit out of whatever needs mulching.

Tactical yardwork is fine, but you really really wanted them to fight crime. That means you have to send the troops where crime exists. Fortunately, there are some pretty tough, crime-ridden neighborhoods in DC, neighborhoods where people don’t always feel safe at night, neighborhoods where news photographers are reluctant to visit. There’s no point in sending your troops there. However, you’ve heard from your pretty-eyed Vice President that vagrants–actual people without proper employment and/or lacking a fixed abode, like in those movies from the 1930s–have been loitering around Union Station. Vagrants are smelly (probably) and unsightly, like windmills off the coast of Scotland. We can’t have that. Also, somebody on your staff might have said something about maybe somebody they knew almost had their luggage stolen while at Union Station.

Courageous National Guard troops supported by an MRAP guarding carry-on luggage.

Now that’s crime worth fighting! Deploy the MRAP! Nothing discourages loitering like a mine-resistant ambush protected vehicle. Ain’t nobody gonna sleep on benches–if there were any benches–at Union Fucking Station when your National Guard is on duty. Ain’t nobody gonna roll away some poor tourist’s Samsonite hardside, not when you’re in charge and you have a MRAP handy.

So there you are. You’ve ended crime in DC. Trash is gone. Plants are mulched. You’ve established peace through superior firepower. Now all you have to do is wait for your Nobel Peace Prize. It’s good to be POTUS.

i don’t have time for your trans bullshit

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Look, this is really simple. Trans women are women. Trans men are men. Trans people are people. Same goes for non-binary folks.

Trans military troops are troops. This is so fucking obvious, but there’s a lot of macho bullshit involved here. Again, it’s really pretty simple. Trans helo pilots are helo pilots, trans mechanics are mechanics, trans medics are medics, trans EOD specialists are EOD specialists. A helo or an unexploded bomb doesn’t care about gender. Piloting helos and defusing bombs are skills that can be learned. Sure, some folks will be better at it than other folks, but that’s just how the world works. It’s massively stupid to refuse to enlist anybody willing to put on the uniform, shoulder a weapon, and walk a post.

Trans athletes are athletes. There’s SO MUCH bullshit about this topic. It shouldn’t surprise anybody that not all athletes are equal, and not all of that is due to native talent. There are dozens of ways one athlete can have an advantage over another. There are technological advantages, in gear and in training. Having cutting edge equipment and sophisticated training tools make a difference. There are massive financial advantages; rich kids can afford trainers and gym fees and gear beyond the reach of poor kids.

And yes, there are genetic/physical advantages. Why was Michael Phelps such a good swimmer? He had unique physical attributes—a long torso, short legs, long arms, large hands and feet, and double-jointed ankles—that gave him a physical advantage over other swimmers. High testosterone levels can matter in sports, but variances in testosterone levels occur naturally (which is why you see those commercials for men with ‘low-t’). Even so, sports governing bodies like the NCAA created policies that require trans women (this apparently isn’t an issue for trans men) to complete a full calendar year of testosterone suppression treatment before being allowed to compete in women’s sports. If a trans person excels in sports, it’s for the same reasons anybody excels in sports. Hard work, good training, dedication, and maybe (like Phelps) some quirk of biology.

Trans teachers are teachers. Math is math, geography is geography, grammar is grammar, history is…well, debatable, but the eccentricities of history aren’t dependent on the biology of the teacher. Trans shopping clerks are shopping clerks. Whether you’re shopping for a sweater or a lawn mower or a canoe or patio furniture, all you want is somebody who knows the product they’re selling.

I could continue this. Trans surgeons are surgeons, trans plumbers are plumbers, trans lion tamers are lion tamers, and and and. Trans people are people. There’s no point in waffling about this. Yes, people will have different opinions on the matter, and yes, they’re allowed to voice those opinions, but no, you don’t have to respect those opinions.

And by the way, it works both ways: Trans assholes are assholes (uh…I’m talking personality here, not anatomy. Although that would also be true). My point is this: if you don’t accept trans people as people, then the problem isn’t with the trans folks; the problem is you’re an asshole.

EDITORIAL NOTE: This trans bullshit is another facet of patriarchy. We need to burn the patriarchy to the ground. Then dig up the roots and burn them. Then piss on the ashes before burying them in lye. Then nuke it from orbit (it’s the only way to be sure). Then have some of those little lemon cakes.

trump, uninterrupted – the difference between a madman and a genius

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Okay, so Comrade President Donald Trump was in Pennsylvania, right? Attending some sort of conference about energy and innovation and AI and all that. It was your basic POTUS meet and greet event. His job is simple: show up, say a few words in support of something or other, then hop back in his plane and get out of Dodge. Anybody could do that.

But Trump, Jesus suffering fuck. His brain is…damaged. He suffers from logorrhea–the inability to stop talking, which is a symptom of any number of personality disorders. He simply can’t just shut the fuck up. In Pennsylvania he started to say something about Lee Zeldin, the current EPA administrator, and how quickly Zeldin was approving permits for electrical plants (which may or may not be true, who knows with Trump?). And suddenly he veers off into the ether and he’s talking about (and I’m NOT making this up) his uncle John and the Unabomber, Ted Kaczynski.

Guy’s somewhere off in his own little ugly world.

This is directly from the transcript. Prepare yourself.

They’re building plants already, and they have — they’re building plants, and they have already their permits. And I have to take — I have to brag just for a second because when I first heard about AI — you know, it’s not my thing. Although my uncle was at MIT, one of the great professors, 51 years, whatever, he was the longest serving professor in the history of MIT. Three degrees in nuclear, chemical, and math, that’s a smart man. Kaczynski was one of his students, do you know who Kaczynski was? There’s very little difference between a madman and a genius. But Kaczynski, I said what kind of a student was he, Uncle John, Dr. John Trump, he said what kind of a student? And he said, seriously good. He said he’d go around correcting everybody. But it didn’t work out too well for him, didn’t work out too well, but it’s interesting in life. But I will say this, that we have the greatest brains, we have the greatest power and we are going to have more electric. I said to some of the guys coming in, they wanted to hook up to the grid. I spoke to Mark and Jeff and a lot of people, and they said, well, we want to know about the electric, because I was told we’ll need from David. The first one — you’re the first one that told me that’s why I hired him because I said he told me something I didn’t know. He said you need double the electric of what we have right now and maybe even more than that. Remember that? And I said what, are you kidding? And that’s double the electric that we have.

I don’t even know where to start. I mean, even if we ignore the fact that the whole story about Trump’s uncle and Ted Kaczynski is ENTIRELY DELUSIONAL, this is nuts. Okay, okay, Trump’s uncle John? He really was a smart guy. Got a M.S. in physics and a Ph.D. in electrical engineering (not ‘nuclear, chemical, and math’ but okay). And yeah, he did teach at MIT. But Kaczynski didn’t attend MIT. Also? John Trump died in 1985. Kaczynski wasn’t identified as the Unabomber until 1996.

So this entire conversation Trump describes COULD NOT HAVE HAPPENED. Is he just making it up? Is he just bullshitting? Does he believe it did happen? I don’t know, but the fact that he’s in front of a camera telling this story AS POTUS is just completely insane.

But even beyond that, he clearly doesn’t know what he’s talking about. “We are going to have more electric.” What does that even mean? “[W]e want to know about the electric, because I was told we’ll need from David.” What? Told we’ll need what from David? And who the fuck is David? And this: “He said you need double the electric of what we have right now and maybe even more than that….And I said what, are you kidding? And that’s double the electric that we have.” Double the electric? And Trump is somehow surprised that ‘double the electric’ (whatever that means) is “double the electric.”

Trump also, by the way, dismissed wind energy because (and, again, I am NOT making this up) wind is ‘intermittent.’ It doesn’t blow all the time. I guess he thinks if the wind stops blowing, the electricity goes off. I don’t know, maybe nobody told him about batteries. He’s also opposed to wind energy because he believes they’re made in China, and claims China doesn’t have any wind farms.

“I ended Joe Biden’s war on clean, beautiful Pennsylvania coal, totally ended it. Coal has equal if not greater status. It’s a very powerful — it’s a very powerful thing, coal. China — it’s sort of interesting. China makes windmills, but how many wind farms do you see in China? I haven’t seen any lately, it’s sort of crazy. They buy — they build the windmills, sell them into our country, sell them all over the world and they ruin their fields and ruin their valleys. And then you look at China, where’s your wind farm?”

China does make wind turbines (not windmills, for fuck’s sake); Trump is right about that. But China has also been building wind farms since 2005. They have a LOT of wind farms. But Trump’s never seen one, so…they don’t exist?

Personally, I’m inclined to think Trump hates wind because of what it does to his hair.

The entire transcript (which you can read here) is full of this free-floating babbling bullshit. Which is my point, if you can call it that. It’s never clear whether Trump is just lying to the public or if he’s actively delusional. Or both. Probably both.

And he’s the goddamned president. We are so deeply, deeply fucked.

you hear that, mr. trump? that is the sound of inevitability.

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Two people I’d rather not ever think about for the rest of my life? Comrade Donald Trump and the late Jeffrey Epstein. But here we are.

I suppose it was inevitable. I mean, in a lot of ways MAGA is the bastard child of QAnon and the Westboro Baptist Church. We’re talking about people who’ve devoted a seriously big chunk of their daily lives to thinking about sexualized anti-government conspiracies. People who’ve built complex, contradictory theories about political figures (mostly Democrats) and Hollywood elites maintaining a series of subterranean facilities where kidnapped children would be raped and then murdered for their adrenochrome. People who claim to believe trans folks are lined up outside high school bathrooms and locker rooms so they can sexually assault girls. People who spend a LOT of time thinking about forced sex with kids.

So yeah, the ‘suspicious’ death of Jeffrey Epstein is chum in the water for MAGA. When Trump’s pre-election team promised to expose the “truth” about Epstein, MAGA ate it up with a spoon. They absolutely believe Epstein was murdered because he possessed sexually compromising material on powerful figures–a so-called ‘client list’. When asked about that list, Attorney General Pam Bondi said, “It’s sitting on my desk right now to review.”

Then on Friday evening–the 4th of July holiday weekend–Bondi quietly announced, “Hey gang, guess what, there IS no client list! Oopsie! Also? Epstein killed himself! So case closed! How about those Red Sox, huh?!”

MAGA was not amused. You spend years spreading chum in the water, you expect to catch a shark. Being told there IS no shark doesn’t go over well. And given Trump’s long, close relationship with Epstein, it was inevitable that things would get weird and nasty.

But nasty enough to get MAGA to turn on Mr. MAGA his ownself?

I was curious enough that I looked into one of the MAGA-most corners of the Intertubes. I used to check in on the ‘patriots’ of FreeRepublic on a semi-regular basis, just to have some idea of how their fevered right-wing brains work. Snce the re-election of Comrade Trump, I haven’t had the stomach for it.

Until yesterday. And reader, the MAGAverse is absolutely furious. Furious not just at Bondi for her clumsy bait-and-switch approach, but also at their boy Trump. Here are a few of the comments made on FreeRepublic:

I woke up this morning with the realization that the only explanation for this is that Trump is on the list. Nothing else makes sense. This is like Watergate. It will never go away, and it will lead to Trump’s resignation.
–by E. Pluribus Unum (Democrats are the Party of racism, anger, hate and violence.)

Something very big is being covered up.
–by Highest Authority (DemonRats are pure EVIL)

Let’s face it: Pam Bondi is doing just what Trump wants her to do.
–by hcmama

I think we all need to wake up to the real possibility he’s on that list.
–by Lil Flower (American by birth. Southern by the Grace of God. ROLL TIDE!!)

Looks pretty suspicious to go from “The List is ON My Desk Right Now” to “The List Doesn’t Exist.” Someone intervened that has the power to stop the list from being released by the Attorney General of the United States.
–by Bon of Babble (You Say You Want a Revolutioan?)

This decision is way past bondi’s pay grade. This is Trump. Period.
by USS Alaska (NUKE THE MOOSELIMB TERRORIST SAVAGES)

When you see a Freeper who signs his posts with ‘Nuke the Mooselimb Terrorist Savages’ turn on Trump, you know they’re serious. Not necessarily sane, but serious. The reality that their Golden Boy might be on the List of Epstein Kiddie Diddlers (if one actually exists) has to be massively discouraging for them. One way of dealing with that is to create NEW conspiracy theories to explain it. For example, there’s a contingent of Freepers who’ve decided to blame…guess who? That’s right; the Jews.

Ask Israel. They control The Stable Genius…
by Captainpaintball (America needs a Conservative DICTATOR if it hopes to survive. )

Everybody knows Trump and Bibi Netanyahu are BFFs. Combine that with the suggestion that Epstein was some sort of FBI/CIA/Mossad agent, and you’ve got another tasty conspiracy to dine on. But even better (and by ‘better’ I mean ‘more delusional’) are the Freepers who see all of this as part of Trump’s Super Secret Clever Plan to Thump the Democrats.

I think it’s POSSIBLE that genius Trump is making this too big to go away by showing a coverup. When the truth is released…we will get suicide after suicide with DimWITS and RINOs leading the way.
by politicianslie

My conspiracy theory. The Epstein files contain information that can bring down 0bama, Clinton, Clapper, Comey, Brennan… That is why they have to sit on the Epstein files
by Steven Tyler

Makes perfect sense, doesn’t it. Trump promises to release the Epstein Files to get people excited, then claims the files don’t exists, which gets people even more excited. Eventually all that excitement will reach the boiling point and then Trump will hold a press conference and reveal…Hey Presto! The files DO exist! And they implicate ALL of Trump’s enemies! Genius! Applause and fireworks! A chorus of angels sing as the anti-MAGA deviants are led away to concentration camps in Sudan!

Jesus suffering fuck, dealing with MAGA is exhausting. I need a drink.

first headline i saw this morning

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So I wake up this morning to a headline saying MAGA extremists made a deal with other MAGA extremists to advance the massive tax cut bill proposed by THE MAGA extremist (yeah, I’m talking about Comrade Trump, and while we’re at it, how creepy is it that they’re now referring to him as ‘Daddy’?).

What was included in the deal? You don’t want to know. I mean, it’s so fucking discouraging. But it’s also probably almost exactly what you expected. So what the hell, here’s JUST ONE facet of that deal. Florida Senator Rick Scott (you know him as the Guy Who Looks Like Gollum Became a Vampire and Got a Job on Wall Street) said he wanted to “do more to reduce the amount of money spent on able-bodied adults who are allowed to enroll into Medicaid.”

Sen. Rick Scott (MAGA, Transylvania)

You may not know this about Rick Scott. He co-founded a hospital corporation which eventually became Columbia/HCA, the nation’s largest for-profit health care company. That sounds sorta impressive, doesn’t it. BUT (there’s always a ‘but’ with these motherfuckers), Scott had to resign from Columbia/HCA. Why? You know exactly why (it’s always fraud with these motherfuckers). Columbia/HCA was found guilty of defrauding Medicare, Medicaid, and other federal programs. Bill Clinton’s DOJ prosecuted the company and they were convicted of 14 felonies and fined $1.7 billion. At the time, it was the largest healthcare fraud settlement in U.S. history.

What did Rick Scott’s healthcare corporation do under his leadership? 1) They billed for tests that weren’t necessary and/or hadn’t been ordered by doctors physicians, 2) they attached false diagnosis codes to patient records to increase reimbursement to the hospitals, 3) they falsely claimed marketing and advertising costs as community education, and 4) they billed for home health care visits for patients who didn’t qualify to receive them. And that’s why Rick Scott was forced to resign.

Now that he’s no longer getting that sweet sweet Medicare fraud money, Scott wants to reduce funding for Medicare to prevent fraud. If you tried to write that into a movie script, nobody would believe it.

BUT that’s not all (it’s never ‘all’ with these motherfuckers, there’s always more). Scott said he and other MAGA conservatives want to “stop Blue State governors from taking advantage of Red States.” He actually said that, right out loud (these motherfuckers are always saying stupid stuff right out loud). That’s bullshit, of course. If you’re not already aware of this, blue states contribute nearly 60% of all federal tax receipts. Blue states generally pay more in taxes than they receive in government spending. Red states receive more money from the government than they pay in taxes. Red states leech off of blue states.

Rick Scott knows this; but he’s not the sort of person who is constrained by truth. Or fact. Or honor, or a sense of shared humanity, or any notion of decency, or or or. They’re all hypocrites, these motherfuckers. All of them. Every single one.

Anyway, that was the first headline I saw. I haven’t read any more news this morning. I don’t think I need to.

but that’s not the real problem

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As you may recall, recently Comrade Donald Trump, as Commander in Chief of the United States Armed Forces, made this claim on national television:

“Iran’s key nuclear enrichment facilities have been completely and totally obliterated.”

Yeah, no. Didn’t happen. Just another in the endless series of Trump’s self-aggrandizing lies. The Defense Intelligence Agency conducted a preliminary Bomb Damage Assessment of the US attack (that’s right, the DIA did a BDA) and assessed that the damage at the primary Fordo site was “not extensive.” Certainly, the site was not obliterated like Trump claimed. But that’s not the real problem.

This morning the Unlikeliest Secretary of Defense Ever, Pete Hegseth, complained about the news coverage of Comrade Trump’s pointless attack on Iran’s nuclear facilities. Hegseth claimed that reports detailing the limited damage done by the bombing was, in effect, an attack on the integrity and honor of the pilots and air crew who flew the mission. Which, obv. is total bullshit. Which, again, is in keeping with almost everything Hegseth says. But that’s not the real problem.

GBU-57 Massive Ordnance Penetrator

It’s been reliably reported that at the primary uraniam enrichment site at Fordo, two of the so-called ‘bunker buster’ bombs (okay, technically they’re called ‘Massive Ordnance Penetrators’ or MOPs) were dropped on the entry point to the facility and on a ventilation shaft, one after the other, to increase the level of destruction. The destruction that, you’ll recall, the DIA described as “not extensive.” Which means the MOPs didn’t do what they were intended to do. But that’s not the real problem.

Here’s the real problem: for a couple of decades, the threat of the ‘bunker buster’ gave the US leverage. Hostile nations, fearful of the power of that specific bomb, were reluctant to test the US resolve. If a nation started to build a highly secure underground facility against the wishes of the US, the US would dangle the ‘bunker buster’ and that was generally enough to dissuade them. The threat of the ‘bunker busters’ was enough to cow most of our adversaries.

They were incredibly effective as a deterrent…as long as we didn’t actually USE them.

Not anymore. Now everybody knows the most fearsome conventional high explosive bomb in the US arsenal can’t do what it was designed to do. You know North Korea is digging deep today.

Trump has once again made the US weaker. Nothing he can say or do—nothing Hegseth or any of Trump’s other sock puppets can say or do—can change the reality. Oh, the ‘bunker buster’ is still a formidable conventional weapon. But now the world knows it’s just another really big bomb, and if you dig deep enough it won’t hurt you.

the one thing everybody agreed on

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Like a few million other folks, I showed up at the local No Kings protest. We were all there for the same fundamental reason: because Comrade Donald Trump and his cadre of Nazgûl have been merrily shitting on…well, everything that’s good and promising and hopeful and decent about the US.

Fuck Trump.

People are pissed off about SO MANY things Trump has done (and intends to do). The attacks on immigration, science, trans rights, healthcare, civil liberties, the environment, due process, Gaza (and Israel and Iran and and and), veteran’s benefits, free speech, the national debt, the January 6th pardons, everything about January 6th, the assault on education, the assault on libraries, the assault on the very concept of Truth.

No, really, fuck Trump.

But one thread tied all the anger and frustration and resentment together. A deep, abiding rage against Donald Trump as a person. Not only for the horrors he’s inflicted on the United States, but a profound loathing for him as an individual. As I wandered through the No Kings crowd, I kept seeing this same sentiment. Fuck Trump.

Also? Fuck Trump.

People really hate this motherfucker and they hate him personally. They hate him for what he’s done, they hate him for what he wants to do, and they hate for him who he is. Which, I suppose, is only fair, considering how many people he hates for who they are. Trump has a singular talent for both hating others and being hated.

Seriously, fuck that guy.

Why do people hate him so? Because he’s a liar, because he buried one of his many wives on a goddamn golf course, because he’s betrayed the United States, because he’s got truly godawful taste in everything, because he’s cheated on every wife he’s had, because he’s massively ignorant and unaware of it, because he’s a liar, because he’s fucked over every person and contractor he’s ever worked with, because he’s an unrepentant racist, because he hates women, because he loves autocrats, because he’s a liar, because he’s a coward, because he’s never owned a pet, because he’s a narcissist, because he pretends to support the military but believes they’re losers, because he’s a liar, because of his stupid fucking red hats, because he’s a phony, because he’s put incompetent people in positions of power, because he insults everybody who disagrees with him, because he’s a vindictive prick, because he’s a liar, because he’s rude, because of his stupid fucking hair, because he encourages his followers to be violent, because he hates immigrants but hires them to work for his resorts, because he’s shit all over the Arts, because he’s a liar, because he’s cruel and enjoys inflicting harm on others, because he pretends to be a Christian without having an inkling of Christian charity, because he’s a sex pest, because he’s committed many many crimes but has never been held accountable for any of them, because the people who like him are all massive assholes, because he’s a fucking liar.

And the horse he rode in on.

I’m sure I’ve skipped a few dozen other reasons why people hate him. But I think you get the point. People sincerely hate Trump.

But there was another guy at the No Kings event. Bearded guy, dressed all in black, sitting on a granite railing. He was wearing a T-shirt that said “Hate Will Never Win.” I hope he’s right. I genuinely hope hate won’t win. But I also hope the hatred against Donald Trump will get people to stand up for themselves and for others. I hope it will get people to push back against his authoritarianism. I hope it will get people to vote. I hope it will get people to hold Trump accountable for all (or at least some) of the horrible things he’s done to this country.

And then I hope we can let go of that hate.

if we do this right…

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Overheard in a hallway outside the Oval Office.

Trump: We must deport violent criminals.
ICE: Okay.
Stephen Miller: I want 3000 undocumented immigrants detained.
ICE: Okay.
Miller: That’s 3000 detained each day.
ICE: Oka…what? Each day?
Miller: Each day.
ICE: How are we supposed to identify, locate, and detain 3000 violent undocumented criminal immigrants each day?
Miller: Use the IRS.
ICE: Okay.
Miller: Find out who pays them, arrest them where they work.
ICE: Okay.
Miller: Take them when they’re picking crops.
ICE: Okay.
Miller: But at the end of the day, let them get the crops in first.
ICE: Okay.
Miller: Also, order them to appear at immigration offices to support their claims of asylum, arrest them at the courthouse.
ICE: Okay.
Miller: Might as well detain their families too. They’re probably illegal too.
ICE: Okay.
Miller: Any questions?
ICE: Nope. Arrest the ones who work, the ones who pay taxes, the ones who show up for their hearings. We can do that.
Miller: Good.
ICE: But what about those violent criminals?
Miller: If we do this right, the ones who are left will become violent. Then you can just shoot them.
ICE: Okay.
Some Random Democrat: We must focus on kitchen table issues.