Monthly Archives: February 2013

dimwit sheriffs

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7

I have on occasion chided gun control advocates for their lack of knowledge about the very weapons they want to regulate. It’s a pretty basic concept: if you want to regulate certain weapons, you should at least make some minimal effort to educate yourself about those weapons and they way they function. Otherwise you’re going to look like a fucking dimwit.

The same applies to gun rights advocates. If you’re going to make arguments defending your Constitutional rights, then you should at least make some minimal effort to educate yourself about the Constitution and the nature of those rights. Otherwise you’re going to look like a fucking dimwit.

I’m thinking primarily of that small group of county Sheriffs who’ve taken it upon themselves to inform Congress and/or the President of the United States that they don’t have to enforce laws they don’t like. Like this dimwit from Hancock County, Ohio, who wrote a letter to President Obama, saying:

It has come to my attention that you and some of your administration believe that the 2nd Amendment of the Constitution of the United States is up for your personal interpretation, and that there is a movement underway from the White House, and the Senate, and the Congress to take away the right of the people of this free country to keep guns and ammunition for their personal defense and security.

It’s come to my attention that Sheriff Michael Heldman spends too much time reading the lunatic rants at FreeRepublic.com and other extremist web sites. There is no ‘movement’ underway by anybody to deny the right of lawful citizens to keep firearms. That’s just the paranoid delusion of people who’ve watched Red Dawn too many times.

Hancock County, Ohio Sheriff Michael Heldman

Hancock County, Ohio Sheriff Michael Heldman

Sheriff Heldman thoughtfully reminds the president that the Constitution of the great state of Ohio guarantees “The people have the right to bear arms for their defense and security.” He goes on to say:

You have my solemn promise that I will defend the Constitution I swore to uphold. Our free citizens will remain free citizens, and as free citizens, we recognize as our only ultimate governmental authority — the Constitution of these United States.

Any edict, regulation, or so-called ‘federal law’ which infringes on the right of the citizens of Hancock County, Ohio to keep and bear arms for their security will not be tolerated, recognized or enforced by me or my office.

That’s a spectacular display of dimwittedness. Sheriff Heldman might consider taking a few moments to read that Constitution he’s so concerned about. It states pretty clearly in Article VI that the good citizens of Hancock County, Ohio are required to follow the same so-called ‘federal law’ that everybody else living in the United States has to follow.

This Constitution, and the laws of the United States which shall be made in pursuance thereof; and all treaties made, or which shall be made, under the authority of the United States, shall be the supreme law of the land; and the judges in every state shall be bound thereby, anything in the Constitution or laws of any State to the contrary notwithstanding.

That little bit about the supreme law of the land? That’s called the Supremacy Clause, and it basically means Federal law trumps State law and that the Constitution of the United States trumps the constitutions of the individual states. Including Ohio.

In other words, Sheriff Heldman is legally and ethically bound by his oath of office to uphold and enforce the law of the land as it’s written.

There’s another part of the U.S. Constitution that might interest Sheriff Heldman; it’s called Article III. It says: The judicial power of the United States, shall be vested in one Supreme Court. That means there’s only one body that has jurisdiction over the interpretation of the U.S. Constitution — and folks, it ain’t the Sheriff of Hancock County, Ohio.

Fortunately for Sheriff Heldman, nobody has written a law like the one he’s vowing not to follow. Nobody has even written so much as a draft of such a law, let alone attempted to pass it. And no, there’s no secret Executive Order issued by the Kenyan Muslim Communist Anti-Christ to outlaw or seize guns. So the sheriff can relax.

But if a law was drafted, and if both houses of Congress passed that law, and if the President of the United States signed it, then Sheriff Michael Heldman would have a legal duty to enforce it, whether he agreed with it or not. That applies to every sheriff in each and every one of the 3,141 counties and county equivalents in the United States. Including the following sixty dimwits:

  • Sheriff Blake Dorning – Madison County, Alabama
  • Sheriff Ana Franklin – Morgan County, Alabama
  • Sheriff Andy Hughes – Houston County, Alabama
  • Sheriff Scott Mascher – Yavapai County, Arizona
  • Sheriff Joe Arpaio – Maricopa County, Arizona 
  • Sheriff Adam Christianson – Stanislaus County, California
  • Sheriff Jon Lopey – Siskiyou County, California
  • Sheriff Tom Bosenko – Shasta County, California
  • Sheriff John D’Agostini – El Dorado County, California
  • Sheriff David Hencraft – Tehama County, California
  • Sheriff Dean Growden – Lassen County, California
  • Sheriff Dean Wilson – Del Norte County, California
  • Sheriff Mike Poindexter – Modoc County, California
  • Sheriff Thomas Allman – Mendocino County, California
  • Sheriff Mike Downey – Humboldt County, California
  • Sheriff Margaret Mims – Fresno County, California
  • Sheriff Greg Hagwood – Plumas County, California
  • Sheriff Bruce Haney – Trinity County, California
  • Sheriff Justin Smith – Larimer County, Colorado
  • Sheriff Terry Maketa – El Paso County, Colorado
  • Sheriff John Cooke – Weld County, Colorado
  • Sheriff Stan Hilkey – Mesa County, Colorado
  • Sheriff Bill Snyder – Martin County, Florida
  • Sheriff Frank McKeithen – Bay County, Florida
  • Sheriff Mike Scott – Lee County, Florida
  • Sheriff Roger Garrison – Cherokee County, Georgia
  • Sheriff Stacy Nicholson – Gilmer County, Georgia
  • Sheriff Scott Berry – Oconee County, Georgia
  • Sheriff Roy Klingler – Madison County, Idaho
  • Sheriff Kieran Donahue – Canyon County, Idaho
  • Sheriff Denny Peyman – Jackson County, Kentucky
  • Sheriff Robin Cole – Pine County, Minnesota
  • Sheriff Brad A. DeLay – Lawrence County, Missouri
  • Sheriff Charles M. Heiss – Johnson County, Missouri
  • Sheriff Steve Cox – Livingston County, Missouri
  • Sheriff Frank Denning – Johnson County, Missouri
  • Sheriff Ed Kilgpore – Humboldt County, Nevada
  • Sheriff Tony Desmond – Schoharie County, New York
  • Sheriff Richard Devlin Jr. – Otsego County, New York
  • Sheriff Micahel A. Helmig – Boone County, Ohio
  • Sheriff A.J. Rodenberg – Clermont County, Ohio
  • Sheriff Bob ‘Big Block’ Colbert – Wagoner County, Oklahoma
  • Sheriff Glenn E. Palmer – Grant County, Oregon
  • Sheriff Gil Gilbertson – Josephine County, Oregon
  • Sheriff Tim Mueller – Linn County, Oregon
  • Sheriff Craig Zanni – Coos County, Oregon
  • Sheriff John Hanlin – Douglas County, Oregon
  • Sheriff John Bishop – Curry County, Oregon
  • Sheriff Larry Blanton – Deschutes County, Oregon
  • Sheriff Jim Hensley – Crook County, Oregon
  • Sheriff Pat Garrett – Washington County, Oregon
  • Sheriff Dan Staton – Multnomah County, Oregon
  • Sheriff Mike Winters – Jackson County, Oregon
  • Sheriff Brian Wolfe – Malheur County, Oregon 
  • Sheriff Al Cannon – Charleston County, South Carolina
  • Sheriff Chuck Wright – Spartanburg County, South Carolina
  • Sheriff Wayne DeWitt – Berkeley County, South Carolina
  • Sheriff Larry Smith – Smith County, Texas
  • Sheriff Terry Box – Collin County, Texas
  • Sheriff Joel W. Richardson – Randall County, Texas

The office of sheriff is a unique office, to be sure. But it doesn’t confer on those elected to that office the right to ignore the law if they don’t agree with it. These 61 dimwits should either publicly state that they’ll honor their oath of office, or they should have the courage and integrity to resign in protest.

Siren

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18

So. My fingernails. They’re red. Bright red. Incredibly fucking red. I have incredibly fucking red fingernails. I’m typing this with fingers that have incredibly fucking red nails. It’s really distracting.

Last night, during the fourth quarter of the Super Bowl, while it looked like San Francisco might actually make a comeback, I had my fingernails painted incredibly fucking red. The actual shade of red, according to the label on the bottle, is Siren. No, I’m not making that up. Siren. Also on the label is a warning:

Avoid Heat and Flame

For all I know, Heat and Flame may be other shades of red. And if they’re redder than Siren, you can bet your ass I’ll avoid them. But I assume the manufacturers of Siren are actually warning me NOT to put the bottle of fingernail polish in a fire. I hadn’t even considered putting the bottle in a fire — not until they told me NOT to. Now it seems like it might be an interesting experiment.

why yes, my fingernails ARE incredibly fucking red

why yes, my fingernails ARE incredibly fucking red

You may be wondering why I had my fingernails Sirenized. I got to confess, there were moments when I wonder that my ownself. I did it for an Iron Photographer photo. I have discussed the IP process before. I can’t even begin to tell you about the phenomenally stupid shit I’ve done for Iron Photographer photographs. I need to point out that Iron Photographer is about creating artful photographs, not about doing stupid shit. But it’s surprising how often the process involves some degree of stupid shit.

This time it involved Siren. And a shovel. Seriously, it always makes sense while you’re putting the photo together. It’s only when you look at it afterwards that you begin to ask yourself “What the HELL was I thinking?”

Now I have to figure out how to remove this incredibly fucking red nail polish before I can leave the house. Or answer the door (I have an order of Thin Mints scheduled to be delivered and I do NOT want to have Siren-red nails when I’m handing over some cash to the poor innocent Girl Scout. Or her mother).

deserved better

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Chris Kyle was murdered yesterday. There’s a good chance you’ve never heard of Kyle, though he was famous in some circles.

Kyle was one of those guys — the ones they make American movies about. He was the son of a church deacon who became a cowboy, then joined the military at the age of 24, and eventually found himself as a sniper in a SEAL unit. And because he was one of those guys they make American movies about, he became the most lethal sniper in the history of US military.

The Department of Defense credited him with more than 150 confirmed kills. His own count put him at more than 250 kills.

Chris Kyle

Chris Kyle

How you personally feel about somebody who’s killed a couple hundred people during war — well, that really doesn’t matter. These facts matter: he was decorated half a dozen times, he was wounded in action a couple of times, he protected a lot of US troops during the decade he was on active duty, as a civilian he participated in a program to help veterans with PTSD recover, and yesterday Chris Kyle was shot at close range and killed.

The extreme right wing immediately exploded with conspiracy theories. The following are quotes taken verbatim from various contributors to FreeRepublic.com:

“I think mooslims are responsible.”

“Islam, Democrat, it’s all the same. Enemies of a free America.”

“It’s a hit, period. We are at war and the president is on the wrong side.”

“Don’t forget Breitbart. And, yes, I think he was offed.”

“Obama is offing his enemies one by one..nothing would surprise me about this Administration, absolutely nothing.”

“They should be offed first. A worthless opposition party is our hugest obstacle. So yes, they should be afraid. The war will be on them. They are pushing it that way. A biased state media its also a problem.”

“Think of it. A ‘civil war’ is eminent, being pushed by a radical leader to boil and explode. He knows that a good portion of his army will split, and that the most dangerous among them, a sharpshooter, someone who could take out this said radical leader. Would it not be in his best interest to take the sharpshooter down before the civil war broke out?”

“Chris Kyle is one of the latest who I believe to have been killed by this Administration.”

“The moment the seals helicopter went down in the Afghanistan ambush, weeks after the Bin-laden raid, I thought it was suspicious, and every Seal death since has been suspicious to me. There is a massive cover-up going on and those that are a threat are being killed.”

“After Obama had our Ambassador killed(YES I believe that was a hit..it was an attempt to swap the Blind Sheihk for Stevens, that was the original plan) I believe Obama is capable of ANYTHING.”

“There is a theory circulating around the Internet that all the recent shootings that are receiving widespread attention are not coincidences and that it is being coordinated at the highest levels to push the anti-gun agenda. So far it’s only a theory but if even one of the shooters can be captured and linked to the Obama administration it would stop them dead in their tracks and expose them for what they really are. O’s not getting away with anything; the hens will be coming home to roost soon.”

It quickly became known that the suspect alleged to have murdered Kyle was a former Marine with PTSD — one of the people Kyle was attempting to help. You might reasonably think that information would mute some of the conspiracy comments.

It didn’t.

“[S]uspects name is Eddie Routh, former Marine, arrested for DWI. Take it with a grain of salt, it’s early yet.”

“Allegedly murdered by a ‘veteran with PTSD’ who Chris was mentoring as a volunteer. Probably just a BS story we’re being fed.”

“[T]his POS is/was in the Marines.” He’s a pawn…he’s either being paid, having his family threatened, or in some other way coerced. Maybe he’s dying of cancer and he was promised his family will be taken care of, if he just “does this little thing” for Barry. After all, Barry’s ruled that he can kill ANY American ANYTIME he wants. Too damned many SEALs have been assassinated recently.”

It must be horrible, to be so afraid all the time. These people must live in a constant state of anxiety and suspicion. They feel so threatened by so many things on so many different fronts. The scenarios they concoct are so removed from reality that it must be exhausting to maintain them. I sort of feel sorry for these people.

Maybe they find some strange comfort in thinking of themselves as being on the same ‘team’ as Chris Kyle. If so, it makes it all the more shameful for them to drag him into their deranged conspiracies.

I suspect I’d have disagreed with Chris Kyle’s politics. Since I never met him, I’ve no idea what I’d think about him as a person. He is said to have decked Jessie Ventura in a bar after Ventura said something disrespectful following the wake of a SEAL member who died in combat — and I’d guess anybody who’s ever heard Jessie Ventura speak has wanted to deck him at some point. By all accounts, Chris Kyle was a nice guy. A nice guy who killed a couple hundred people. I haven’t a clue whether I’d have liked him or not, but I can guarantee you this: I’d have loved to have a beer with him. This was a guy with stories to tell.

Chris Kyle

Chris Kyle

This is what I know: for a decade this guy put on a uniform and put his own ass on the line. I have nothing but respect for that.

Chris Kyle deserved better than this — better than to have been shot down on a gun range in Texas. Better than to be used as a hook for conspiracy theorists.