dude, c’mon. alabama (part 2)

— I don’t understand what’s going on in Alabama.

— That’s okay. The people of Alabama don’t always understand what’s going on in Alabama.

— I mean this whole Roy Moore thing. What’s up with that?

— Wait. Didn’t we already have this conversation? Like a couple of years ago?

— Yeah, we’ve had this conversation twice. But then it was about Judge Roy Moore and same-sex marriage. Now it’s about Roy Moore and dating high school girls. That’s crazy, isn’t it?

— Dude, c’mon. Alabama.

— But high school girls?

— And junior high school girls. The first accusation was made by a woman who said your boy Roy hit on her when she was fourteen. You know what that means?

— That Roy Moore is a pervert?

— No. Well, yeah. But it also means your boy Roy was thirty-something years old and hitting on a girl who was in the eighth grade.

— Jeebus on toast.

— I know. In the eighth grade. Sitting on a bench in the Etowah County courthouse.

— What was an eighth grader doing in the courthouse?

— Her parents were getting a divorce. They were there for a child custody hearing.

— So not just an eighth grader, but an eighth grader who was emotionally vulnerable?

— Yup. Also? Your boy Roy was an assistant district attorney at the time.

— Sweet Jeebus tuna salad.

— Funny you should say that. One of Moore’s toadies defends him by saying Joseph was older than Mary so it’s really sorta kinda Christian for Moore to be hitting on girls in the eighth grade.

— Seriously? Who’d buy into an argument like that? Who’d even make an argument like that?

— Dude, c’mon. Alabama.

— Yeah, but it sounds like Moore is maybe a pedophile or something.

— Not technically a pedophile. Pedophiles are attracted to pre-pubescent kids. Moore held off until they reached puberty.

— So there’s that. It’s a great campaign slogan. Roy Moore: Not Technically a Pedophile. His opponent must really suck, if the polls are that close. He’s got to be like a devil worshiper or something. A communist, maybe.

Technically not a pedophile.

— His opponent is Doug Jones. He’s the guy who indicted Eric Rudolph, who planted bombs at a women’s health care center and the Centennial Olympic Park. Jones also prosecuted the KKK guys who bombed a Baptist church, which killed four little African-American girls.

— So, a Democrat.

— Bingo.

— No wonder he’s losing.

— Losing to a guy who got himself kicked off the Alabama Supreme Court twice. Twice.

— That’s not easy to do.

— It’s not easy to get kicked off once, let alone twice. I have to give your boy Roy credit for persistence. Too bad he’s persistently horrible.

— So what’ll happen if Moore actually gets elected?

— The Republicans will probably open an ethics investigation of Al Franken, then try to force him to resign.

— Too late. Al Franken resigned today.

— You’re joking.

— Nope.

— Fuck me with a chainsaw.

— Maybe something good will come of Franken’s resignation.

— You think?

— Maybe voters will see him resign and think ‘That’s how an ethical political party behaves.’ And then maybe they’ll do the right thing in the Alabama election next week.

— Maybe.

— You sound skeptical.

— Dude, c’mon. Alabama.

4 thoughts on “dude, c’mon. alabama (part 2)

  1. Its really quite simple- Moore was out shopping for a child-bride … and trump is pimpin Moore’s child stalking to negate any public / court challenges re his own child stalking / teen girl visual assaults when he owned the Miss Teen pageant- you know, when he bragged that he would walk into the TEENAGE GIRLS’ dressing rooms, unannounced, so he could catch them in states of undress.
    Its all there in the bible… The Gospel of St Donald of PERVia


  2. All are welcome to the party if they are in the Party. Your prior, current, and future sins don’t matter. Only your stance on tax cuts, your desire for outrageous amounts of offensive defense, and your absolute allegiance to the Holy MAGA matter.

    Dude, it’s Alabama.

    Way to represent, Southern Man.


    • I should probably say I generally think of myself as a Southerner, though at this point in my life I’ve lived a lot longer in the North than I did in the Deep South. I mock Alabama (though not as severely as I mock Texas), but right now I live in Iowa — and Alabama has nothing on our Steve King, who is as ignorant an asshole as you’ll ever come across. (Yes that’s right, he’s a Republican.)

      Liked by 2 people

      • I should probably say, at the risk of sounding apologetic, that I never thought Neil Young was casting shade on the entire South when he denigrated some of the South. Nor do I. In the same way, I don’t mean all Republicans suck when I say “Republicans suck.”

        In fact, I have a Republican brother who lives in the South, and we get along keenly. Even if he hasn’t the foggiest idea what he’s talking about most of the time, he’s perceptibly racist, and he’s MAGA’n through and through, we still get along.

        When we have to. ;)

        Liked by 1 person

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