the bluto party

You know what? It’s time we (and by ‘we’ I mean ‘anybody who is paying attention to what’s happening right now in the United States’) stopped thinking of the Republican Party as a legitimate political party — because they’ve stopped acting like one. A political party is just a collection of people who share the same general ideology and hold the same general political positions in regard to governance. The operative term there is ‘governance’. Based on their behavior, Republicans no longer believe in governance; they only believe in ruling.

Seriously. The folks who represent Republicans now have abandoned the notion that every political party should be subject to the same rules and laws. Since Trump took office, Republicans have gutted congressional oversight, they’ve perverted the advice and consent process, they’ve twisted the concept of judicial review. Worst of all, they’ve changed the executive branch from being just one of three co-equal branches of government into…well, Bluto. What Bluto wants, Republicans deliver.

In fact, Republicans have become the Bluto Party.

Bluto, if you’re not familiar with him, was Popeye’s nemesis. A loudmouthed, blustering, bully who tries to get what he wants through brute force and/or trickery. In the Popeye cartoons Bluto takes on a variety of guises — sometimes he’s a fellow sailor, but he’s also shown up as an evil professor, a wicked hypnotist, a lecherous lifeguard, a devious sheik, a generic thug.

It’s the same with modern Republicans. They take on various guises, but they all behave like Bluto. You can put Bluto in a suit and a tie, but he’s still Bluto. You can put him in a drawing room or an orchestra pit, but he’s still Bluto. You can spray him with a gentleman’s cologne, he’s still Bluto. You can dress him in judicial robes, still Bluto. There is absolutely nothing you can do to unBluto him. He’s Bluto to the bone.

“You’d better lock up your doors today.
‘Cause Abu Hassan is on his way.
Go in hiding when I come riding
from me and my forty thieves.

Your wife and children, your money too,
I’ll steal them from you before I’m through.
I’m out gunning, so start in running
from me and my forty thieves.

My gang’s the roughest,
But I’m the toughest,
and that’s no lie.
You’ve got to hand it
to this bad bandit,
because I’m a terrible guy.

Comrade Trump, of course, is the bull goose Bluto. All lesser Blutos must bow to him. He’s released the inner Bluto in every Republican in government. For example, Bluto says it’s perfectly okay to ignore subpoena if it’s issued by congressional Democrats. Bluto argues (in front of Bluto-dominated courts) that a congressional subpoena MUST have a legislative purpose. But Bluto Republicans in congress have a long (long, long, long) history of issuing subpoenas for purely investigative purposes — even when those investigations have repeatedly turned up nothing.

I’m basically saying ALL Republicans in government now are Bluto. Republicans in Congress — Bluto. Republicans in the Justice Department — mad Bluto. Republicans who’ve been place in federal courts even when rated unqualified — totally Bluto. You may say that it’s not fair to paint all Republicans with the same brush, and I suppose you’d be right. But I’m of the opinion that if they’re benefiting from Bluto Republican behavior and not calling it out, then they’re Bluto too, and just as guilty as every other Bluto.

The only comfort to be found in this is that Bluto always gets his ass kicked in the end. I mean, it works that way in the cartoons. So I’m sending spinach to Joe Biden and every other Popeye motherfucker running a campaign against Bluto.

4 thoughts on “the bluto party

  1. Dude, what alternate reality are you living in? While the republican party has a few outliers, such as Romney, the majority are all on the same path, track, and ideology of less government, more freedoms, individual liberties, and ending the deep state.

    The Democrats on the other hand are squarely divided down the center. You have the Bernie Bros and the AOC puppets who are unashamed of the fact that they are socialist and that your money is their money to do with as they see fit. Then you have the old guard, the Pelosis, Bindens, etc who continue to use minorities in order to retain power and never, ever do anything for them. How long was Obama in office again with full control of the house and senate? 2 years? What did he do during that time? Immigration reform? – No, Judicial reform? – No, Criminal reform? – No. Dems are all talk. They claim to want to help and when they get power they pretend their hands are tied and can do nothing but raise taxes and offer free Obama phones to placate the vocal masses.

    Trump and the republicans have done more to help minorities in the past 3 years than all administrations combined since Reagan. But your blind hatred of the man blocks you from seeing facts. You are so damned concerned about him saying “grab her by the pussy” off the record to another dude when nobody was around, that you lose sight of what is real and just.

    I want you to take all of the things Trump has done and pretend it was your idol Obama who had done it. Say Obama got unemployment to record lows, say Obama got unemployment for minorities to record lows, say Obama got wage increases annually to the highest levels ever. Say Obama renegotiated trade deals in our favor… would you be this over the top pissed at him or would you be singing his praises daily? Tell the truth.


    • Hey Billy. Let’s talk about your “less government, more freedoms, individual liberties, and ending the deep state,” shall we?

      You say ‘less government’ as if government is a bad thing — but it isn’t. There are a LOT of things we rely on government to do for us. Keep food safe, for example. Trump has radically reduced the number of food inspectors and is trying to give slaughterhouses the power to do their own inspections — which means a much greater chance the pork chops you buy at the market might be tainted. He’s done the same thing to just about every industry. When you say ‘less government’ that means more pollution, more toxic chemicals in the water and in the air and in the food chain, fewer forests and wetlands, less species diversification — all of which results in a lower quality of life for the citizenry.

      You say ‘more freedoms’. Such as…what? The freedom to refuse service to folks whose beliefs offend you? The freedom to carry a firearm to the convenience store? The freedom to cut more timber from federal parks? When Trump says ‘more freedom’ it always means ‘more money for his friends’ or ‘more power over marginalized communities’. That’s not freedom — that’s just privilege for his supporters. Same applies to ‘individual liberties’.

      You say ‘ending the deep state’ but what you mean is ‘ending professional nonpartisan civil service’. This ‘deep state’ is nothing more than the men and women who devote their lives to public service — career foreign service officers, career law enforcement agents, career public health officials, career military officers, career health and safety officials. We’re talking about people who do their jobs professionally for every administration, Democrat or Republican. These people are independent experts in their fields. Trump doesn’t want independent experts; he wants supporters. He doesn’t want a considered expert opinion; he wants agreement with his opinion.

      You say, ‘take all of the things Trump has done and pretend it was your idol Obama who had done it.’ If Obama had done what Trump has done, I’d be fighting him every fucking step of the way.


    • “I guess the fundamental dispute is how much damage [Trump] is doing to the country. And I do feel like now that’s kind of evident. Sticking with him even now, in the midst of this incredibly damaging bungling of the coronavirus, is pretty astounding.”
      – William Kristol, lifelong conservative, Republican, served in Reagan and George H. W. Bush administrations

      Liked by 1 person

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