fifty ways

— I’m confused. I don’t understand. I just don’t get it.
— What’s the matter, pookie?
— I really really don’t understand why people are reacting to a pandemic this way.
— Oh. It’s because they’re assholes.
— They assert their right to protest a legal order from their governor, but they were outraged when a black football player took a knee to protest racial police brutality. Don’t they see how illogical that is?
— No, because they’re assholes.

These people are assholes.

— They insist they’re pro-life, that every potential life is sacred, but at the same time they say it’s permissible for some folks to die in order to strengthen the economy. Not just permissible, but necessary. I don’t understand that reasoning.
— It’s asshole reasoning. The reasoning of assholes.
— They argue that they have the absolute right over the integrity of their bodies, that if they don’t want to wear a mask, they shouldn’t have to. But they also want to deny women the right over the integrity of their bodies, saying they shouldn’t be allowed to terminate an unwanted pregnancy. I mean, they feel imposed upon if they have to wear a mask, but it’s not an imposition for a woman to carry an unwanted fetus for nine months? Explain that to me.
— The explanation is that they’re assholes.

A few more assholes.

— And armed protests? What’s with that? Not just protests against stay-at-home orders, but armed protests. Why do they need to bring guns?
— It’s because they’re assholes.
— They call themselves patriots, but they keep waving Confederate or Nazi flags. I mean, flags of peoples who fought against the United States. How is that patriotic?
— They’re assholes.
— They say President Obama was corrupt, even though nobody in his administration was ever charged with a crime. Eight years and constant ongoing Congressional investigations, not one person charged with a crime. But they insist Trump is the best president ever, despite the fact that at least seven members of his administration or transition team have pleaded guilty or been convicted of felonies. And who knows how many were fired or resigned in disgrace. How does that compute?
— Dude, they’re assholes. I don’t know what else to say.

Assholes with guns.

— They claim to respect law enforcement, but they also say the FBI tried to derail the Trump presidential campaign. They say they believe in the rule of law, but they don’t want the rule of law to apply to themselves. It doesn’t make any sense. I don’t get it.
— Yes, you do. They’re assholes.
— I just can’t wrap my head around all of this. It’s like…it’s like…I don’t even know.
— Sit back, pookie, and allow me to quote the poet Simon.

“The problem is all inside your head”, she said to me
“The answer is easy if you take it logically
I’d like to help you in your struggle to be free
There must be fifty ways to say they’re assholes.”

— So you’re saying…it’s because they’re assholes?
— Ah, day dawns in the rock garden.
— What?
— You have seen the light.


5 thoughts on “fifty ways

  1. Apple an oranges my friend and this is why you fail to understand simple things.

    Kapernick protesting during a football game is no different than if I decided to have a massive Obama protest at my place of employment. I would get fired. The football team he was working for and the NFL are his employers. You know, like the employers and private companies you support forcing people to wear masks because they are private companies. Kap was free to protest on his own time and had full access to the media any time he wanted as he was a big name at the time. Instead he decided to fuck over his employers to the tune of billions of lost revenue and he had to go and stay gone.

    There are all walks of the political spectrum watching sports and this is why is it best to keep politics out of sports. But with the likes of ESPN continually jumping the shark to get into the political conversation and with players doing the same during the game, you alientante half your audience and you take away from the escape of the game where everyone puts aside their political differences to cheer on their team.

    UNLIKE the protest done on public property and not during someone’s work day at their employer. So if you can not or just refuse to see the difference and instead want to classify all of us as racist that is your mistake as there were plenty of black folk who were also opposed to his anti-police (remember the pig socks) statements.

    So it seems like the only asshole here is you as you want to have a double standard. Men and women protesting legally, carrying their guns in a state that allows open carry is something you fail to or just refuse to understand but someone thumbing their nose at their employer, because you like the message is a-ok to you.

    I doubt you have any employees, but maybe I am wrong, but say you did and they edited your posts before they went out each week or so and say they happened to be closet Trump supporter and started to add pro-trump banners to your posts… would you support their actions as free speech or fire them? Answer honestly because I am applying to be your editor.


    • Hey Billy. That’s a pretty good argument, except for one thing.

      You say, “Kapernick protesting during a football game is no different than if I decided to have a massive Obama protest at my place of employment.” And you’re right. Thr 49ers had the absolute right not to rehire him. But conservatives weren’t outraged because Kap fucked over his employers, as you put it. They were angry because they felt he was disrespecting the flag, the national anthem, and the troops. They were angry at his protest, not at his relationship with the NFL team’s front office.

      I absolutely defend the right of these…yeah, I’m going to call them assholes…to protest. They’re not assholes because they’re protesting; they’re assholes because 1) they’re hypocrites, and 2) they’re selfishly creating a situation that contributes to the spread of a contagion that has killed 80 thousand Americans, and 2) they’re toting firearms in a situation in which there’s absolutely no need to be toting firearms.

      Sure, they have the right to carry them, but I think we can both agree that having the right to do something doesn’t mean you should exercise it unconditionally.

      I am applying to be your editor.

      That got a genuine smile.


  2. That guy Billy with whom you are attempting to reason? Asshole. Don’t bother. The twisted logic and the gaslighting are real, and whatever their other failings, assholes are soooo good at those.


    • I kinda like Billy. He has absolutely no reason to read this blog, but he does. He takes the time to comment, and I appreciate that.

      There’s no point in only talking about stuff with folks who agree with you. Billy forces me to support my arguments, which can be annoying as hell, but generally a healthy thing.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.