Darth Putin: Do you know what I would like, Comrade Trump
Comrade Trump: A wall?
Darth Putin: No
Comrade Trump: A taco bowl? I know where you can get the best…
Darth Putin: No, not a taco bowl
Comrade Trump: Oh, I know! To grab some woman by the pussy!
Darth Putin (sighs): No, what I would like is a businessman who knows how to work with Mother Russia
Comrade Trump: That’s me!
Darth Putin: I already have you, Comrade Trump.
Comrade Trump: Oh, right
Darth Putin: Do you recall what were we discussing, comrade?
Comrade Trump: Cabinet appointments!
Darth Putin: That’s correct. Very good. We were discussing possible nominees for the Secretary of…
Comrade Trump: Of Energy!
Darth Putin: Comrade, what did we say about interruptions?
Comrade Trump: That I shouldn’t do it?
Darth Putin: Or?
Comrade Trump: Or no num-nums from Melania.
Darth Putin: Very good, comrade. We were discussing your new Secretary of State.
Comrade Trump: I got this guy — terrific guy, you’ll love this guy — his moral compass is maybe wonky, but…
Darth Putin: I would like somebody with no moral compass at all. Somebody who’s spent his entire career capitulating to the interests of Mother Russia. Somebody, comrade, with no immediate concern for the environment — or anything, really, other than increasing his own wealth and glorification.
Comrade Trump: That’s me!
Darth Putin (sighs): Comrade Trump…
Comrade Trump: Oh, right. You already have me.
Darth Putin: I was thinking perhaps somebody who has already been awarded the Russian Order of Friendship.
Comrade Trump: Order of Friendship, that’s a really terrific Order. Classy. One of the best. An honor for…
Darth Putin: Rex Tillerson.
Comrade Trump: I know a Rex Tillerson! Runs Exxon-Mobil. Supported Jeb Bush. I gotta find some way to punish that fuckin’ weasel. Maybe I’ll…
Darth Putin: Rex Tillerson would be an excellent choice for Secretary of State.
Comrade Trump: A tremendous choice. Love the guy. Knows how to cut every corner to increase shareholder value. Sweetheart of a guy.
Darth Putin: It’s your decision, Comrade Trump. I’m confident you’ll do the right thing.
Comrade Trump: Rex Tillerson, absolutely. First rate man. Couldn’t ask for a better Secretary of Educa…
Darth Putin: State.
Comrade Trump: Secretary of State. You know, this politics stuff is work. Makes me hungry. There a KFC around here somewhere?
Darth Putin: You may go now, comrade. Dasvidania.
I would like to suggest one edit to this brilliant transcription:
“increase the short term perception of shareholder value. Sweetheart of a guy.”
But perhaps it is too much.
It’s all too much. There’s SO much too much. We have too much coming out of our ears.