Bless Pearl Cleage. Because of her, I can’t listen to Miles Davis anymore. One of the greatest jazz musicians of all time, and I can’t listen to him. Why? Because Pearl Cleage told me:
[H]e is guilty of self-confessed violence against women such that we should break his albums, burn his tapes and scratch up his CDs until he acknowledges and apologizes and agrees to rethink his position on The Woman Question.
Back in 1990, a woman gave me a book of essays by Cleage: Mad at Miles; A Black Woman’s Guide to Truth and told me I needed to read it. I asked why a white guy like me needed to read a Black woman’s guide to truth. She gave me that look…the look women can give to guys that basically says, ‘I can’t even believe you’re asking me that question, are you actually that oblivious?‘ Of course, I was that oblivious, but I didn’t want to be. So I read the book.
I mean, sure, I could still listen to Miles Davis. But if I even get the impulse to listen to him, I remember Cleage quoting a scene from Miles Davis’ autobiography in which he described slapping the shit out of Cicely Tyson because she spoke to a friend that Miles didn’t like. Tyson called the police and hid in the basement until they arrived. The police spoke with her in the basement, noted that she didn’t appear to be badly injured, and the spoke to Miles, who told them, “She ain’t hurt bad; I just slapped her once.” He and the police had a laugh, they left, and according to his autobiography:
Before I knew it, I had slapped her again. So she never did pull that kind of shit on me again.
If I even think of listening to Miles Davis, I get a vision of Cicely Tyson–one of the best actors in the modern world–cowering in a basement while police have a laugh with her abuser. And nope…no Miles Davis for me. Just can’t do it.
Now it’s Neil Gaiman’s turn. Like a lot of folks, I loved Gaiman’s writing. I really liked him on Bluesky, where he was incredibly kind and thoughtful and accessible to everybody. He seemed like the nicest guy.
But he wasn’t. Back in August of last year, I wrote about the early accusations against Gaiman. I wrote that I believed the women who accused him of cruel behavior. I wrote,
[A] pattern of behavior is what defines an abuser. It’s necessary to distinguish between a person who commits a bad act and a person who’s a bad actor.
Neil Gaiman, it appears, is a bad actor.
In fact, it appears he’s more than just a bad actor. I just finished reading the most awful report, There Is No Safe Word about Gaiman’s long, sordid, horrifying history of sexually abusing vulnerable women. I was somewhat reluctant to read the article. As a fan of his work, I knew it would be painful to read; I knew reading it would leave me disappointed, disheartened.
I was wrong. It left me furious.
Sure, it seems clear from the reporting that Gaiman is massively fucked up personally. And as a Buddhist, I know I should feel compassion for him. But what I feel most at this moment is rage. Fuck Neil Gaiman, fuck Miles Davis, fuck them both in the neck. Fuck every guy in a position of power who’s used that power to abuse women. Fuck the entire patriarchal system in the neck.
Some days I find it hard to understand why women aren’t arming themselves and climbing to the tops of water towers in every community and picking off men at random.
So nope, no Miles Davis and no Neil Gaiman for me. Just can’t do it.
EDITORIAL NOTE: I’ve been using variations of this same editorial note since sometime in 2023. I’m sadly confident I’ll have to keep using for as long as I write this blog. It’s still true. We must burn the patriarchy. Burn it to the ground, gather the ashes, piss on them, douse them in oil and set them on fire again. Burn the patriarchy, then drive a stake directly through the ashes where its heart used to be, and then set fire to the stake. Burn the fucker one more time. And keep burning it, over and over. Burn it for generations.
gregfallis.com 
Thank you Greg, for being a stalwart defender of abused women. There is so much of this out there. Parents….raise strong confident women who will know to stay away from these f….ing assholes.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love your variations on you Editorial Note. They have inspired me.
I will not, obviously, argue about the opportunities for using it being, let’s say, a bit disheartening.
I do not love learning that Gaiman is radioactive.
LikeLike
Those editorial notes just sort of happened. So many social problems turn out to be either a direct result of patriarchy or a tangential feature of it. I’m almost certainly still blind to a LOT of patriarchal issues (I mean, I’m a white guy, so noticing the patriarchy is like a fish noticing the water it swims in).
LikeLiked by 1 person
Not a white guy, wrong gender for that, but I’m still blind to a lot of the patriarchy. I swim in the same water, and for long enough that I’ve been through several educational experiences. I won’t run out of opportunities to learn about different patriarchy tentacles in my lifetime. Alas.
LikeLike
I didn’t know about Miles Davis, but I dislike jazz so that’s no hardship. But I was shocked when it came out about Neil Gaiman.
As to why there aren’t more armed women on water towers picking off men, I don’t know either. Why do we allow chinless, ball-brained knit-wits like Andrew Tate to be famous and wealthy for being a prize prick and possibly a people trafficker? Give him a platform to openly egg on other brainless incels. I suspect in part it’s that the judiciary is largely patriarchal and so if it ends up in court, the women come off worse. Blamed for the way men have treated them. And there’s the gaslighting and the body shaming, all designed to lower women’s self-worth so they won’t fight back.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m stunned that Andrew Tate isn’t in prison.
I should probably also point out that I’m not advocating or encouraging women to arm themselves and pick off random men. That would be wrong. I’m just surprised sometimes that women AREN’T doing that.
LikeLike
Well Tate has been in prison. But not for long enough. He’s a despicable brainless Incel and should be locked up for many years for his behaviour. He is a danger to women all over the world because of what his behaviour makes other stupid men do.
I didn’t think you were advocating for women picking off men with guns. But it is amazing that some don’t, given the domestic violence so many suffer at the hands of morons. However, the fact women (and girl children) are so often shamed, disbelieved or said to have provoked attacks on them, means very few come forward. They end up corpses before someone notices.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I feel the same. It’s just so disappointing and disheartening when people whose work you’ve admired/enjoyed & who appear to be nice people then turn out to be awful. JK Rowling is another one for me. The hateful language she has used towards trans people makes me feel sick. So I won’t be reading anything she writes again.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, JK Rowling was a shock too. It seems a lot less common for women to turn out to be assholes, but I guess assholism is an equal opportunity system.
LikeLike
As a survivor of domestic violence, who experiences pain everyday from the beatings she took years ago, I don’t see how not listening to Miles Davis or cancelling any artist helps women who are or once in my situation.
The way I see it, if you stop listening to music by abusive men, you’re aren’t going to be listening to very much music at all.
The same with movies, books & art.
If you really want to help, donate to your local DV shelter. Help the women where they REALLY need it.
Virtue signalling has never helped anyone. Money does.
LikeLike
I don’t see how not listening to Miles Davis or cancelling any artist helps women who are or once in my situation.
Avoiding art created by abusers doesn’t help the women, and I’ve never suggested it does. I’m saying the abuse taints their art.
Virtue signalling has never helped anyone.
You seriously think I’m condemning Gaiman to demonstrate that I’m virtuous? I’m going to assume your intention isn’t to be insulting. You’ve been reading this blog for some time now, and if you believe that I’m the sort of asshole who engages in virtue signaling, then you’ve been wasting your time. Unsubscribe, if you feel that way.
I understand this topic is personal for you. It is for me, as well.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hey, I never meant to insult you. & when I spoke of “virtue signaling”, I wasn’t specifically referring to you.
I don’t get the “tainted” bit but everyone looks at this differently.
Please forgive me. I never meant to upset you.
LikeLike
I should apologize. You caught me at a bad moment. The fact is, right now my daughter and her 8-year-old son are temporarily living with me because of spousal abuse that took place just before Christmas. So the notion that I was virtue signaling and suggesting what I should do ‘if I really want to help’ set me off.
Again, my apologies.
LikeLike
Greg, it’s all good. I’m happy that your daughter & her son are with you. I stayed in no less than four different shelters & the last time, my son had to stay in a homeless shelter for teens because he was too old to stay with me in the DV shelter. My parents could have taken us in but chose not to. You’re a mensch.
I went through years of DV therapy & my son is now in therapy himself.
Hugs
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’ll hold the matches. You hold the kerosene.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I guess it makes sense–if you’re going to burn the patriarchy, let the woman hold the matches and make the guy hold the accelerant.
LikeLike