11 points to hell

Remember back when the 2020 presidential election was heating up and the Republican Party decided they didn’t need to put together a party platform? You know, because Trump. Whatever angry wasp thought Trump had at any given moment, that was the party platform.

Now Senator Rick Scott of Florida has decided the GOP needs to spell out what they’d do if Republicans gain control of the government. He came up with an 11 point plan, and after reading it all I can say is Jesus suffering fuck. I mean Jesus suffering fuck.

Okay, my expectations were low to begin with. I mean, Rick Scott is Rick Scott and Florida is Florida…so lawdy, right? Rick Scott, remember, was forced in 1997 to resign as CEO of Columbia/HCA, the largest private for-profit health care company in the US, after the Dep’t of Justice found the company had engaged in widespread fraud and fined them US$1.7 billion (billion, you guys),  the largest health care fraud settlement in U.S. history. This is the guy who designed the new GOP agenda.

You can read the entire appalling thing here, if you can stomach it. To give you an indication of how unrelentingly dreadful it is, this is how it begins:

The militant left now controls the entire federal government, the news media, academia, Hollywood, and most corporate boardrooms – but they want more.

It starts with paranoia, then it gets…well, even more paranoid, with excursions into the delusional and an occasional stop on the WTF highway. Scott includes a long list of stuff that the militant left (by which I have to assume he means Democrats) “plan to destroy.”

  • American history
  • Patriotism
  • Border security
  • The nuclear family
  • Gender
  • Traditional morality
  • Capitalism
  • Fiscal responsibility
  • Opportunity
  • Rugged individualism
  • Judeo-Christian values
  • Dissent
  • Free speech
  • Color blindness
  • Law enforcement
  • Religious liberty
  • Parental involvement in public schools
  • Private ownership of firearms
  • Pickleball

Okay, he didn’t include pickleball. I made that up. I made it up for a reason. Scott wrote that his plan wasn’t for “the faint of heart” because it “will be ridiculed by the ‘woke’ left, mocked by Washington insiders, and strike fear in the heart of some Republicans.” So I just wanted to get the ridicule and the mockery started. I’m sure pickleball will be just fine. Probably.

“Temba, his arms wide.” **

So you may be thinking, “Greg, old sock, what, exactly, is Scott’s 11-point plan to stop the militant left from destroying everything but pickleball?” I’m glad you asked. And stop calling me old sock. The plan is as follows:

  1. Our kids will say the pledge of allegiance, salute the Flag, learn that America is a great country, and choose the school that best fits them.
  2. Government will never again ask American citizens to disclose their race, ethnicity, or skin color on any government forms.
  3. The soft-on-crime days of coddling criminal behavior will end. We will re-fund and respect the police because they, not the criminals, are the good guys.
  4. We will secure our border, finish building the wall, and name it after President Donald Trump.
  5. We will grow America’s economy, starve Washington’s economy, and stop Socialism.
  6. We will eliminate all federal programs that can be done locally, and enact term limits for federal bureaucrats and Congress.
  7. We will protect the integrity of American Democracy and stop left-wing efforts to rig elections.
  8. We will protect, defend, and promote the American Family at all costs.
  9. Men are men, women are women, and unborn babies are babies. We believe in science.
  10. Americans will be free to welcome God into all aspects of our lives.
  11. We are Americans, not globalists.

You may be thinking, “Wait, that’s not a plan at all; it’s just a list of jingoistic slogans and stupid talking points in response to the angry inventory of conservative grievances and fears.” To which Rick Scott would reply, “Yes, exactly, and shut up.”

Scott does go into more detail on each of those eleven points. For example, Point One is about education, and Scott assures us that under Republican control, “Public schools will teach our children to love America because, while not perfect, it is exceptional, it is good, and it is a beacon of freedom in an often-dark world.” And also, “We will not allow political or social indoctrination in our schools.”

You may be thinking, “Greg, old…uh, isn’t that contradictory? Teaching kids to love America, isn’t that political and social indoctrination?” To which Scott would respond, “No, shut up, why do you hate America?”

Another example, Point Ten on faith and religion. Under the Republican Party agenda, Scott assures us that “We will stop investing federal retirement dollars with ‘woke’ fund managers and companies that put left-wing politics ahead of profits” and “the Second Amendment was established in order to protect the freedoms guaranteed in the First Amendment.”

You may be wondering, “What in the salted caramel fuck is he talking about? What’s that got to do with religion or faith? I mean…retirement funds? Guns? What? I mean, what?” To which Rick Scott would replay, “We are NOT GLOBALISTS!” And who could argue with that?

The thing is, some Republican have realized that it was a mistake not to put together a party platform in 2020. The junior Senator from Florida has taken it on himself to provide Americans with his 11-point plan to “steer America to a bright future of prosperity and peace.” And by “a bright future of prosperity and peace” he means “a grimdark dystopian tomorrow under the rule of authoritarian zealots.” It may not actually be a plan, and it may be borderline insane, but, you know…baby steps and all that.

** “Temba, his arms wide” is from the Star Trek episode “Darmok” and I think that’s all the explanation I’m going to give. You have Google; look it up. Lawdy, you’re an adult, aren’t you?

4 thoughts on “11 points to hell

  1. Greg, old sock, we do not EXPLAIN our Star Trek references. We drop them in smugly and move on with nary a backward glance. Mirab, his sails unfurled.

    It’s somewhat scary to me how on-brand and completely workable his “plan” will sound to that voter base. I grew up inside that Focus On The Family environment, and the parts of my brain that have yet to be scrubbed clean still hear the catch phrases and identify them as “reasonable,” and I completely understand just how many people are going to be one hundred percent onboard with what he’s saying, and without a second thought.

    Having moved out into the world, seeing it through the eyes of people who are completely different from me, learning compassion and empathy, I realize that it’s a narrow, selfish point of view based on irrational fear.
    He knows better. He’s fear-mongering. And he knows it will work.
    I don’t like the idea of the next six to ten years.
    It’s gonna work.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I don’t know if IS going to work, but it certainly could. It sounds reassuring to a lot of folks. People who are uncertain and a wee bit frightened where they fit into a larger world. There are a lot of folks who are afraid that raising others up necessarily means lowering themselves. It’s not so much that they want others to suffer (although some do want that), it’s more an irrational fear that they’ll be forced to give something up–and give it up to people who haven’t ‘earned’ it.

      Like

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