i stand with oreo-eating lesbians

I’m not what you’d call an Oreo cookie fan. As commercial cookies go, they’re okay. I buy Oreos maybe once or twice a year. I’ll be noodling through the market and I’ll see a display of some new ‘Limited Edition’ flavor of Oreo. Lemon Meringue Oreos, Red Velvet Oreos, Chocolate & Peanut Butter Oreos, Tiramisu Oreos, Carrot Cake Oreos, Mint Oreos. And I’ll say to myself, “What the hell is that about?” and buy a package. Because why the hell not?

Today, I’ll go buy some Oreos deliberately. Well, maybe not today. I mean, it’s Saturday and the market will probably be busy. I prefer to do my grocery shopping during the week, when all the decent employed people are at work. So let’s say Monday. On Monday I’ll go buy some Oreos. Rainbow Oreos, if they have them. Why?

Because of OneMillionMoms (which I’m just going to call OMM because it’s easier). OMM is a division of the American Family Association, which describes itself as “a Christian organization promoting the biblical ethic of decency in American society with primary emphasis on television and other media.” OMM says its goal is “to stop the exploitation of our children, especially by the entertainment media (TV, music, movies, etc.).”

Let me just say upfront that I wasn’t entirely sure what a ‘biblical ethic of decency’ means. So I Googled it and was directed to a Bible verse. Matthew 22:39, which I also Googled. It’s about the second of two commandments on which ‘hang all the law and the prophets’. The first is about loving god. Here’s the second (in the King James version, which I think rumbles so much better than any of the newer versions):

And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

That seems like a pretty solid foundation for decency. But what does that have to do with Oreo cookies? OMM and AFA are organizing a boycott of Oreos cookies because the company that makes them are “attempting to normalize the LGBTQ lifestyle.” How? By “using their commercials, such as the most recent Oreo ad featuring a lesbian couple, to brainwash children and adults alike by desensitizing audiences.”

I don’t watch much commercial television, so I was completely unfamiliar with an advert that featured Oreo-loving lesbians. But my interest was definitely piqued. This is how OMM describes the advert:

The ad has a daughter going home to see her family and brings her lesbian lover with her. The commercial focuses on the mother approving of her daughter’s girlfriend, but the father is hesitant and has reservations. He later has a change of heart and even displays his acceptance of her lifestyle by painting his picket fence in rainbow colors to further show his approval. The advertisement ends with: “A loving world starts with a loving home.”

Well, that sounded okay to me. I mean, it’s all about family and acceptance and a loving home, right? But according to OMM, “It is obvious they are going after our children.” So I figured I should probably track down the actual advert and watch it. I didn’t want to unfairly decide that OneMillionMoms were homophobic assholes without seeing the advert. Besides, I figured Oreo-loving lesbians would be good television.

Here’s the actual brainwashing commercial:

I didn’t see any children in the commercial. I barely saw any Oreos. I guess we’re supposed to assume the Oreo-based brainwashing took place prior to the events in the advert. I guess we’re supposed to be interpreting the relationship between the two young women and the parents as some form of post-Oreo trauma. It’s not clear.

What IS clear, though, is OMM’s belief that LGBTQ people are somehow fundamentally wrong and shouldn’t be tolerated. Their point seems to be that parents shouldn’t accept their LBGTQ children, even if the children are young adults who are making an effort to be accepted. Their point seems to be that buying Oreo cookies is putting children and young adults at risk of…of being accepted? At risk of being loved by their parents?

I don’t know. Maybe I’m missing something. But this isn’t the first time right-wing Christians have boycotted Oreos. I wrote about this almost exactly eight years ago, during the Great Hydrox Cookie Rebellion of 2012, when right-wing Christian groups tried to bring Oreo to its metaphorical knees by boycotting their cookies.

In their defense, if we’d listened to right-wing Christian groups back in 2012, we wouldn’t be subjects to Maple Creme Oreos. Or Gingerbread Oreos. Or Pumpkin Spice Oreos (which I’m inclined to agree is an abomination in the eyes of the gods).

I’m not convinced that buying Oreos as an expression of LGBTQ support is any less stupid than refusing to buy them as a form of homphobia. But I’m going to buy them anyway. I’m okay with being stupid in a good cause. And I firmly believe that being stupid WITH cookies is better than being stupid WITHOUT cookies. Even if they’re store-bought corporate cookies like Oreos.

I’m here to say I’ll even eat a goddamn Pumpkin Spice Oreo in support of any parent who loves their child without reservation, who believes a loving world begins with a loving home. I stand with Oreo-eating lesbians. And their parents.

12 thoughts on “i stand with oreo-eating lesbians

  1. I am reminded of my first trip to the US in 2011. I had no desire to visit the country, thought I would hate American’s, but my partner was working in LA and I had the opportoonity (as some of you would say) so I opened my mind and had an amazing time. On my second trip over there I tasted a ‘Candy Cane’ Christmas variety of Oreo’s (my least favourite commercial cookie in the whole world) and adored them. During these visits, not only did I learn to love some versions of Oreos but also the America landscape, many aspects of American culture and lots of Americans. The point I am trying to make here is that rather than promoting biblical decency by boycotting Oreos, the OMM is promoting prejudice, and characterising ‘normalcy’ to be only people like them. The worst form of intolerance.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I’m glad much of your experience here was pleasant. Every awful cliche about Americans is…well, true. Or at least based in truth. But it’s usually true only for a very vocal segment of the population.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I will buy some Oreos. I don’t disagree with the OMM’s or AFA’s interpretation of the Christian Bible. Oddly, though Jesus is never quoted as referring directly to homosexuality, Paul certainly had a lot to say, and the celibate misogynist pretty much set the tone in the New Testament. The Christian Bible does condemn homosexuality. So I do not disagree with the organizations, I disagree with the Christian Bible and using it to determine the standard of behavior in the 21st century.

    Oreos, on the other hand, they don’t try to tell you what to do. Why would you try to hurt an Oreo?

    (I am with you Greg, they are not my favorite cookie but I didn’t know about all the new flavors. This needs research.)

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m not a Christian, but I rather think ‘Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself’ is an excellent roadmap for decent behavior. Buddhists have a similar concept (as do most other major religions and philosophies). ‘In this world hate never yet dispelled hate. Only love dispels hate. This is the law, ancient and inexhaustible. You to shall pass away. Knowing this, how can you quarrel?’ It’s a lot wordier, but the idea is the same.

      Neither the Buddha nor Jesus said anything about cookies. I like to think both would approve of Rainbow Oreos.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I got the impression that the neighbor giving his daughter (and friend) the side-eye got him to look at his own attitude differently. Also, that there might be a taste of “I never liked that beach, anyway. Think I’ll … go paint the fence, yeah, that’s it.”

    Liked by 1 person

    • It is lovely, isn’t it. And barely an advertisement at all, really.

      By the way, I bought Oreos today. The market didn’t have any rainbow Oreos, or any Pumpkin Spice Oreos (for which I was profoundly grateful, because I’d have bought them). I had to make do with Mint Oreos. Oh, the sacrifices we make.


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