Spoiled children. All those CEOs of restaurants who are whining about Obamacare, who are promising to punish their employees by cutting their working hours, who are promising to raise the prices of their products — they’re all spoiled children. They’re like those kids at Christmas who wanted a US$1200 mountain bike but only got a $700 urban bike, and so throw a tantrum and hurl the bike to the ground.

It doesn’t help that the news media report their temper tantrums, giving them some legitimacy. John Metz owns a buttload of Denny’s outlets and a handful of Dairy Queens, so hey let’s report his dumbass outburst. Zane Tankel owns a bunch of Applebees restaurants, let’s report his idiotic babbling. John Schnatter owns Papa Johns, maker of astonishingly shitty pizzas, surely the people need to hear this douchebag’s blatherings. I mean, these guys are rich and we’re supposed to listen to what rich guys say. Right?

john metz, dumbass business owner

Hey news media guys — remember Mitt Romney? Rich Guy Supremo? You reported all the crap he had to say and never bothered to tell the public that so much of it was bullshit and lies. News media guys? You’re doing it again. You’re reporting the whines and lies of rich guys and not bothering to mention the utter bullshit factor. Seriously, y’all need to get a handle on that. Maybe try reporting facts for a change, along with the rich guy bullshit.

zane tankel, another dumbass business owner

For example, Obamacare is really really good for small businesses that employ fewer than 25 people — which is something like 90% of small businesses. They’ll get subsidies that will help make insurance coverage for their workers affordable. And if you’re a responsible business owner who already provides health care coverage for your employees, then Obamacare won’t affect you at all.

Who gets hurt by Obamacare? The five percent of ‘small’ businesses that employ more than 50 low-wage, uninsured workers. Those businesses will get popped US$2000 per worker every year. Now, that sounds like a lot of coin. But when compared to the sales those companies make and the profits those companies earn — no, not so much.

john schnatter, all-meat dumbass business owner

The Papa John Pizza guy, he’s claiming he’ll have to charge an extra ten to fourteen cents per pizza to cover the estimated five to eight million dollars it would cost him to pay for his hourly-wage workers (by the way, Schnatter takes home about $2.7 million annually). Two things. First, so what? An extra dime and a nickel? Pffft. If you were loopy enough to buy just one of this guy’s shitty pizzas every week for a year, the extra fifteen cents per pizza would cost you less than eight bucks a year. Second, don’t forget that the pizza guy is bullshitting and lying. Even if his five to eight million dollars estimate is accurate (and it probably isn’t), it would only raise the cost of his shitty pizza by about three to five cents.

That’s right, by raising the cost of shitty pizza less than a nickel, Papa John could give his employees health care. He’d have healthier workers, happier workers, workers who are less likely to quit, workers less likely to take a sick day, and workers who feel some sense of loyalty to the company. I’m willing to bet Papa John could actually attract customers if he advertised that he was raising his prices a nickel in order to be sure his valued employees would get health care coverage. But to make a political point against President Obama, this dickwad is willing to further alienate his low-wage employees and his customers (well, those customers other than other angry Obama-hating dickwads).

Spoiled children, these rich guys. Nothing but spoiled, pampered children who are used to getting their own way. So I’ve got one piece of advice for these dumbass business owners: