Okay, first let me confess that I have on occasion gotten magnificently drunk and gone skinny-dipping. I’ve even gone skinny-dipping when moderately drunk, when mildly intoxicated, and when perfectly sober. I have absolutely no problem with skinny-dipping as a practice.
But I’ve never done it in front of families — and especially not families with children. Nor am I a member of the Republican Party. Nor am I a member of Congress. Those are some of the many many things that set me apart from Kevin Yoder.
Yoder, a GOP congressman from Kansas, was part of a Republican ‘fact-finding’ trip to Israel last year. During that trip, about twenty congressmen and congressional staffers decided to take an after-dinner swim in the Sea of Galilee. According to the Kansas City Star, some of the GOP congressmen “said it was a religious experience (the Bible says the Sea of Galilee is where Jesus walked on water); others said they wanted to cool off; and still others admitted alcohol may have guided their decision.” Or maybe they wanted to cool off after all the alcohol and getting nekkid was a religious experience.
Yoder has issued the following statement:
“A year ago, my wife, Brooke, and I joined colleagues for dinner at the Sea of Galilee in Israel. After dinner I followed some Members of Congress in a spontaneous and very brief dive into the sea and regrettably I jumped into the water without a swimsuit. It is my greatest honor to represent the people of Kansas in Congress and [for] any embarrassment I have caused for my colleagues and constituents, I apologize.”
He jumped into the water without a swimsuit. Regrettably. He apologizes for the oversight. It was a Congressional fact-finding mission, and one of the facts Congress found is that you probably shouldn’t go swimming naked with your Yoder hanging out.
The Kansas Republic Party is distressed, but glad that the public’s attention has been diverted from Todd Akin, their candidate for the US Senate who believes there is such a thing as ‘legitimate rape.’ According to Akin, a legitimate rapist confers some magical property to the victim which prevents her from conceiving. It’s a lesson for all those illegitimate rapists out there: if you really care about women, you’ll get more serious about rape. Spare your victims the trauma of an abortion.
In other news, NASA is considering sending a rover mission Kansas to fire a frickin’ laser into the heads of GOP members of Congress, seeking signs of intelligent life.
Unfortunately, sending a laser equipped rover to Kansas would somehow cost more than sending Curiosity to Mars…but it would be a ‘Job Creator’.
I apoligize for being born in Kansas and living in Missouri, well, the first is not my fault I guess. We now call Kansas Brownbeckistan. And now I have started calling our “honorable” representative Akinmenajad. I think I better start carrying a burqa in the car.