modesty masks and other thoughts

Some of my best friends are Christians. They’re good people; mostly honest, mostly friendly, usually willing to be helpful, relatively clean. They don’t cause much trouble. Terrible dancers, but basically good people. So I am embarrassed for them when some other Christians–people they don’t even know–do something really stupid.

It’s like if you’re a Red Sox fan and you see somebody wearing a Red Sox cap on television and you think, “Hey, fellow Red Sox fan, probably a good person” and then that Red Sox fan does something stupid or wicked–uses a racial slur, maybe, or praises Comrade Trump’s intellectual achievements, or wears black socks with sandals–and suddenly you’re embarrassed for all Red Sox fans because that one asshole has called the integrity and decency of every Red Sox fan into disrepute. Same thing.

Anyway, I came across this in the news:

“[A] Catholic elementary school – Lansing-based Resurrection School – which contends that any state mandate that children age five and older wear a mask in classrooms is unconstitutional. The school says such a rule would violate ‘sincerely held religious beliefs”’ because they say humans were made in the image of God, and masks shield that image from being seen.”

If you’re anything like me (and I’m not sure how I want you to answer that) you had two almost immediate thoughts. Thought 1: That’s really fucking stupid. Thought 2: Five bucks says that school has a dress code based on modesty. And hey, bingo, guess what.

There it is. Girls MUST wear opaque tights, ankle length leggings, or modesty shorts underneath at ALL times. I guess because the legs and ankles of girls weren’t made in the image of god? I don’t believe in god, so who am I to say–but I have a hard time believing an omniscient omnipresent god would want everybody to see your nose and lips, but gets coy when it comes to a girl’s ankles.

At this point I had another thought. Thought 3: what the hell are modesty shorts? Which was quickly followed by Thought 4: Am I really going to google ‘girls modesty shorts’? Which led immediately to Thought 5: Probably the people who think girls need to wear modesty shorts are the types of people who’d google ‘girls modesty shorts’.

Reader, I googled ‘girls modesty shorts’. For research. And I felt a tad creepy. Because let’s face it–the only reason to be concerned with modesty is if you’re having immodest thoughts. Otherwise modesty shorts are just shorts.

But that led me to Thought 6: Maybe we could call the masks ‘modesty masks’ and the school would be okay with it. Or maybe the school would let kids wear modesty shorts over their heads instead of masks. But no, probably not.

In the end, I came back to a thought I’ve been nurturing for a long time. Thought 7: Burn the patriarchy. Burn it to the ground, Burn it to the ground and collect the ashes, and grind them into powder. Bury the powder deep in the earth, and salt the ground above it so nothing will ever grow there. Pour cement over the salt. Then nuke the entire site from orbit (it’s the only way to be sure).

Also? Thought 8: Christians, don’t let these venal anti-science fuckwits be the voice of your religious beliefs. I don’t believe in god and I’m not a Christian, but y’all have something really solid in that whole “Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself” business. Love your neighbor, encourage them to wear masks for their health as well as your own, don’t waste any time thinking about what’s under the skirts of girls, and really–burn the patriarchy.

5 thoughts on “modesty masks and other thoughts

  1. Holy cover up or bedammed, you hussy!! Greg, I’m dying laughing at these rules the Catholic schools still try instill on students etc. I went thru 12 years Catholic school, graduated 73. Let me tell you, maybe to some, it brought them closer to Jesus. And others, like me.. the day the nun called me a “hussy” at 9 years because my(petti pants) they called them back then, just resting above my knees while my 150 degree wool uniform rested just above the PP. being yanked my the nun, even more, violation, hello.. How dare You touch me, Modesty shorts,my ass, lololol. Does that mentality still go hand and hand with the old, boy with mirror looking under the uniform of a female student? Lol.. Holy Jesus.. Jesus would want us to protect and care for our children. Feed them, cloth them, give them shelter, and protect them for the love of God, allow them to wear a mask so they are protected from the the ignorance and denial of these senseless idiots making up these bizarre religious rules. It really infuriates the hell out of me. Don’t even get started with the whole Catholic religious crap. 12 years too many as far as I’m concerned. I totally get your point Greg, loved your read, as always, just couldn’t resist adding my two cents.

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    • The problem, I think, with so many Christians is they don’t really understand Christianity. They don’t seem to understand that they’re supposed to actually DO the stuff that’s talked about in the New Testament. A lot of what’s espoused in the Sermon on the Mount would make a modern Christian really uncomfortable.

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