let’s be reasonable about this

It’s terribly, terribly important for Dr Christine Blasey Ford to be able to tell her alleged version of the alleged “incident” that allegedly took place in the alleged 1980s, but let’s be reasonable. She’s had three decades to prepare for this, so really, there’s no reason she can’t testify on Monday.

We can arrange for her to testify in the morning or the afternoon, whichever she prefers. We want to accommodate her. She can testify in private or in public, sitting or standing, it’s up to her. She can sit in front of us, she can sit behind us, she can sit off to one side, she can testify looking in a mirror if she likes. She can testify sitting behind a table, or standing behind a podium, or relaxing on a beach chair, or reclining on a bearskin rug, or swinging from a trapeze, if that’s what she wants. But let’s be reasonable, we have a schedule here, so it has to be on Monday.

She can testify wearing a sun hat, or behind a veil, or wearing a tiara, or maybe the Mask of Zorro if that makes her feel more at ease. We can turn the temperature of the hearing room up, we can turn it down, we can change the humidity, we can provide her with a folding Japanese kawahori-ōgi if that will make her more comfortable. But we must be reasonable and have her testify on Monday. Not Tuesday, not Wednesday, and Thursday is just impossible.

She can wear a mask during her testimony if she wants.

We can burn aromatic candles, or play chamber music in the background, or let her sit in a warm bath if it’ll help her relax while she testifies about her alleged sexual assault. We can give her a stress ball to squeeze, we can have a therapist massage pressure points on her feet, we can bring in a therapy koala to sit on her lap if that’s what she requires to be comfortable. But let’s be reasonable about this; she has to testify on Monday.

We will provide her with a fan, if that will make her comfortable.

We can hear her testimony in the Senate chambers, we can hear it the Gloria in Excelsis Tower of the National Cathedral, we can hear it on the Observation Deck of the Empire State Building (where Tom Hanks finally hooks up with Meg Ryan), we can hear it on the Orient Express on the way to Istanbul, we can hear it in the Jungle Room at Graceland, we can hear her testimony anyplace Dr. Blasey Ford will feel safe in recounting the intimate details of her alleged sexual assault. So long as it’s on Monday.

We will, of course, do everything we possibly can to oblige Dr. Blasey Ford. We want to be supportive. She deserves to be heard. On Monday. We’re on a tight schedule, you know, so let’s be reasonable about this.

But if she declines….

But if she declines our invitation to testify on Monday — if, despite all the concessions we’re willing to make, regardless of the many compromises we’ve kindly suggested, notwithstanding the various allowances we’ve offered — if Dr. Blasey Ford fails to appear at the hearing on Monday, we’ll be forced, regretfully, to consider her to be just another lying slut trying to destroy the reputation of a decent man. We’ve made every effort to be reasonable about this.

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10 thoughts on “let’s be reasonable about this

  1. As I read, I thought ‘this is the saddest Dr. Seuss book ever.’

    (BTW, while I can’t really remember what I had for breakfast just minutes ago, or if I locked my car, I remember EVERY TINY DETAIL of my first sexual assault 44 years ago, when I was 14 years old – like it happened last night.)

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  2. I just have to laugh at all the faux outrage by the left. I know several women who have been raped our assaulted and they all remember everything, right down to the smells. The left has abandoned all rational thought due to their TDS and their desire to stop any SCOTUS appointment at all costs.

    DF had this letter for 6 months and did nothing. She had over 30 years and did nothing. It is an insult to all women who have actually been assaulted to use this as a tool for political gain. Ford is most likely a pawn in this and once the deed is done, she will be forgotten until the next manufactured scandal is created.

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    • Billy, normally I don’t mind if you disagree with me. In fact, in most cases I enjoy it. Normally, I’m content to let you talk nonsense — but not about this.

      It’s FAR more common for people who’ve been sexually assaulted to stay quiet than to report it…in part because of they way they’re treated when they report. If you assume this woman is lying because of the time between the assault and the time she acknowledged it, then you must also assume that the men and women who are now reporting they were sexually assaulted as children by Catholic priests are also lying. You must assume that all the troops who claim to suffer PTSD from events in Vietnam and Korea, but didn’t speak about it until years later, are also lying.

      This is not the most offensive thing you’ve written here, but it’s certainly the stupidest.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Greg is a lot nicer than I am. The outrage is not “faux”. Ford did not do nothing for over 30 years, she replayed it in her mind every single day for over 30 years. Every time a man touched her for the last 30 years, she remembered it.

      Imagine having a broken tooth throbbing in your mouth for 30 years and not being able to do anything about it because the dentist said it was all in your mind.

      No, wait…forget all that, Billy. Go fuck yourself.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Perpetrators have had days, months, years, decades to come forward and say what they did, but they don’t. But hey, why shame them when you can blame the victim?

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