keep our children safe, sort of

— We have to keep our children safe!

   — Can’t argue with that. But how are we to….

— We need new laws! To keep our children safe!

   — Totally agree. We should pass legis….

— Bathroom privacy laws!

   — Wait, what?

— To keep children safe!

   — From…?

— A man might put on a dress and buy a pair of kicky strapless pumps and go into the girl’s bathroom in a grade school and do something nasty to young girls!

   — Has that ever actually happened?

— It could! We have to keep our children safe!

   — Doesn’t that infringe on the rights of trans people to….

— Children! Safe! More important than the right of perverts to empty their bladder safely!

   — I really don’t think that’s….

— Stop teaching evolution! Put the Bible in schools!

   — What the hell are you talking about?

— Children need to learn morality! To keep them safe! From Satan!

   — But what about the rights of non-Christian kids, who….

— Keeping children safe is more important than Shari’a and the rights of so-called Muslims!

   — So-called? What?

— Stop teaching fornication and masturbation in school!

   — You mean sex education?

— To keep our children safe! From sex diseases and…and…sex!

   — But studies have shown sex education reduces teen pregnancies and STDs, which….

— End school lunch programs!

   — Are you feeling okay? Maybe you should sit down and….

— School lunches teach dependency! We must keep our children safe!

   — Don’t poor children have the right to…

— The rights of lazy people are less important than keeping our children safe!

   — Are you wearing a med-alert bracelet? Is there somebody I should call?

— We MUST do everything possible to keep our children safe!

   — Maybe a few sensible, common sense gun laws would….

— No! The right to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed!

   — Then how do we keep children safe from school shooters?

— !

   — I said, how do we keep children safe from…

— !

   — So when you say ‘keep our children safe’ you mean we should…

— Train poor Muslim gay children to swarm the shooter!

That’s right, Faizah, the best way to take down a school shooter is to tackle him at the knees.

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