natural born fuckwit

Sweet Jeebus in the swampland, have seen this? Have you seen THIS? No? Then see it right now. Go on…watch it. Go on…I’ll wait.

Ted Fuckin’ Cruz, I declare. Okay, first, we don’t actually see him kill a duck. Oh sure, he’s out there in the woods, wearing camo face paint (on account of you don’t want to take any chances when going toe-to-toe with a duck), and toting a shotgun. And yeah, he’s out there with that lunatic Old Testament-looking motherfucker who could probably paralyze a mallard just by looking at it. But do we Ted Fuckin’ Cruz actually put a duck to death?

No, we do not. I think we can all agree that TFC would kill any number of ducks — with his bare hands and teeth, if need be — for the chance to park his portly ass in the Oval Office. But this commercial does not, with any conviction or credibility, demonstrate the man’s duck-killing prowess.

Does this disqualify him from becoming President of These United States? No, it does not. The U.S. Constitution does not require the president to be a master of venery. It does, though, require the president to be ‘a natural born citizen.’ That’s right, we’re talking Article II, Section 1, baby.


Donald J. Trump, who may be the only person campaigning for the presidency who is more odious that Ted Fuckin’ Cruz, is making hay (not actual hay; metaphorical hay, although actual hay IS actually made — I mean, you’d think it was just grown, right? But no, there’s a multi-step process involved in the making of…never mind. Tangent.) over whether the fact that Cruz was born in Canada disqualifies him as a legitimate candidate.

Being a gigantic fuckwit disqualifies Ted Fuckin’ Cruz from being president, but that Canadian business? Not so much. The specific question may not have been officially adjudicated, but it’s almost universally accepted that a child born anywhere to a citizen of a recognized nation is automatically considered a citizen of that nation (and often, as was the case with TFC, a citizen of the nation in which the wee bugger was born).

The only reason this is an issue — the only reason — is because there are no Republicans saying “Oh c’mon, are you kidding me?” when the question of TFC’s citizenship is raised. Not one. On account of Ted Fuckin’ Cruz is pretty much hated by his colleagues (see that earlier reference to being a gigantic fuckwit).

Having spent his entire short Senatorial career buggering up the Senate has left TFC friendless. Ain’t nobody sticking up for him, even against the most absurd accusations delivered by the most absurd accuser.

Ted Fuckin' Cruz defends himself against The Giant Head of Trump.

Ted Fuckin’ Cruz defends himself against The Giant Head of Trump.

The ducks have come home to roost. I’d feel a bit sorry for the guy, except that he’s Ted Fuckin’ Cruz. He’s earned it.

11 thoughts on “natural born fuckwit

  1. Gee, I’d have thought this video is a subliminal message to his primary campaign funding resource (61% from the NRA) that even though he shoots off at the gums in campaign speeches that he supports gun control, the contributor can bet its bottom dollar that won’t be the story were such a fluke of American culture to his actually being elected.


    • Did you notice that TFC never even says a word in the commercial? Not one word. And he keeps glancing at Robertson like he’s wondering if the old guy is about to start talking to a burning bush.


      • I noticed he was wearing ear plugs and wondered if he could hear Robertson well enough to understand a single word.


  2. Ted and the duck dude are both a couple of shysters just working different audiences from different angles. Luckily they both only have a lock on a dying minority of voters and viewers.

    Someone’s gonna have a lot of fun with Ted in blackface, just sayin’

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It would be interesting to see some actual numbers on who is swayed to his candidacy by this particular ad, and how many undecideds run in the opposite direction. It looks like a farce, doesn’t it? How could anybody give credence to this?


    • You know, for most folks hunting involves putting on a heavy plaid shirt and a bright orange vest (to keep your ass from getting shot by another hunter) and heading out to the woods. This peculiar need to go Special Ops to take down a few mallards is more suggestive of LARPing than hunting. Only with guns.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Yup, only in the USA would gun toting be a legitimate ad campaign for presidency :-D Your TFC man looks like he’s expecting the sound of duelling banjos any minute ;-)


    • I’ve never quite understood that, but it’s been a constant in presidential campaigns for as long as I can remember. Not just among Republicans, but Democrats as well. As if the ability to kill a small animal with a firearm is a qualification for leading a nation. It’s fucking nuts.

      Liked by 2 people

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