This morning I waded into the waist-deep pool of bile that is FreeRepublic.com. I do this on a moderately regular basis; it’s like injecting myself with small doses of snake venom in order to develop a resistance to being poisoned. This is what I learned today:

I learned conservatives are furious that President Obama visited Stonehenge following the recent NATO summit. Doubly furious that he wasn’t paying for the entire trip out of his own pocket, and trebly furious that he was allowed inside the ropes. Knowing Obama visited Stonehenge has completely ruined every previous visit to the site.

— Why not? Not his dime and not like anything is going on.

— He wanted the taxpayer to foot the bill. What a narcissist.

— I was there. Now when I look at my photos, I may have the misfortune of thinking of him. (vomit).

— Pagan ritual site, possible human sacrifices … right up his satanic alley.

Apparently pondering a human sacrifice

I learned conservatives still love Sarah Palin and Phil Robertson, the oldest bearded guy from Duck Dynasty (who said Palin ought to be in the White House, though he didn’t say what he thought she should be doing there). Also, I learned it would be cool to kill a lot of ducks at an inauguration. Also too, it’s fun to piss off liberals.

—  Phil Robertson endorsement is as good as it gets. Besides, Sarah IS the best person for the job.

— HeHe! I just invisioned at the Inauguration ending with a “Release of the Ducks” and Sarah & Phil whip out shotguns and blast lunch out of the sky.

— Not only would she be a fantastic President, but best of all she drives liberals into seizures. Oh man, to see that everyday, see them walking around red-faced with steam coming out there ears? Like winning the lottery! And any and all criticism of her we can say it again: You libs are sexist!

Apparently like winning the lottery

I learned many conservatives see Scotland’s independence movement as a model for Texas independence. Also, Scots hate Islam more than the British do. Also too, there is something ‘different’ about Texas. Also too plus, people who live in cities suck.

— Get-R-Done Scotsman. May be awhile, but Texas may be heading down this path as well.

— Why are they going for independence? Because they are fed up with England allowing radical Islam to take root? Good enough reason for me.

— We were a country before we made the decision to become part of the union. It was mexican citizens that kicked that punk Santa Anna out in the first place. There is something different about Texas. We don’t seem to be as eat up with ignorant liberalism as the west coast and the north east. We have a couple of blue spots here and there, but nothing that can’t be taken care of over night if need be.

— It is when you get out in the country you meet the die hard native Texan. Only paralleled by Native Tennesseans, Native Scotsman. These are the folks with honor, vision, heart and determination. I’ve been to Scotland many times. I have good friends residing there. Scrapers.

Apparently Scots are almost as good as Texans

I learned conservatives are opposed to gay folks marching in the New York St. Patrick’s Day parade. Also, parades are the work of Satan. Also too, they’re boring. Unless they’re for Alvin York or Charles Lindbergh (which is rather peculiar, considering York was a life-long Democrat who supported government assistance for poor folks, and believed Lindbergh should have been arrested for being a Nazi sympathizer). Also too plus, Democrats like parades. So do tarty celebrities.

— St Patrick deserves more respect than this. It’s a shame that this Godly man’s memory is associated with what he and his God knew to be sin…behavior that brings personal, social, and spiritual death.

— St. Patrick’s Day parades in general have become more about getting plastered and less about celebrating the good works of the saint. By adding the LGBT crowd, the parade in New York is now completely a work of Satan.

— I never liked parades, even as a child. Always thought they were boring. These days parades are all about politics and unions. Democrats love parades. Sort of like the “circuses” in “bread and circuses.” A distraction for the masses from life’s miseries actually created by the Democrats.

— The parades of the Twenties, say the ones for Lindbergh or Sergeant York, would probably have been more exciting. They were actually celebrations of real spontaneous human achievement, people were truly thrilled.

— The older parades likely had more interesting people in the parades as well instead of tarty celebrities and asinine beauty queens.

Apparently parades are boring and Satanic and full of tarty celebrities

I learned that Barack Obama has declared himself King of America, first by using his authority as Commander-in-Chief of the armed forces to attack ISIS and then by considering what he might do about immigration.

— At the very same press conference where he promised to destroy the Islamic State, Obama again promised to act unilaterally on immigration. “My expectation is that fairly soon, I’ll be considering what the next steps are,” Obama said in response to a question about when he will act on the issue.

— He’s barely qualified to be President of an 8th grade class.

— Will he wear Purple Robes or Leopard Skins ?

— The purple robe would match his purple lips, wouldn’t it?

— Obama is untouchable. He has made the Legislative branch of our government irrelevant. Not one person in Congress will lift a finger to stop him. The news media will not call him out and report the truth. His useless wife has declared herself queen. America now has their own despots like a third world country. I think it is a 50-50 chance these despicable people will ever leave office.

Apparently the president likes knee-high boots

I learned that it’s imperative that all Americans need to be armed all the time. You know, in case ISIS attacks a local shopping mall.

— ISIS could launch selective sudden violent catastrophic attacks and then withdraw before most of them could be caught due to the massive confusion and chaos. [A]rmed citizens CAN BE EVERYWHERE! What is lacking are policies to integrate the capabilities and willingness of armed citizens to react quickly to support or augment the police or the military in the event of terrorist attacks. And that MUST be a serious consideration going forward!

— When the crap hits the fan and these terrorist animals decide to attack a soft target,Shopping mall,School,Hospital.The Police will not be there to protect the Public.

— The thought that an attack could come at virtually any time and any place is enough for me. Efforts to disarm citizens while downplaying the risks is nothing short of sinister in my mind. Add the “open borders” policy and it actually looks like this administration is not only inviting terrorists, but is hoping they attack.

— Imagine the guilt you would feel if you came upon a terrorist act about to begin and you didn’t carry that day.

Apparently ISIS has plans to assault the housecleaning aisle

I learned that the risk of ISIS attacking a major shopping mall in the United States can be thwarted by ordinary folks toting firearms and by refusing them parking spaces.

Apparently terrorists prefer free parking

Basically, I learned that an awful lot of conservatives are pretty much scared of everything. Except guns. And white folks with guns. And Scotland. They like Scotland. There are a lot of white folks in Scotland. Not many guns, though. So there’s room for improvement, I guess.

But let me also say this. Mixed in with all the Second Amendment Nutjobs and the Racists and the Anti-Feminist Women Haters and the Conspiracy Theorists and the Virulent Homophobes and the Climate Change Deniers, there are a few intelligent, principled conservatives. There are people who accept evolution as a fact, people who see no reason why gay folks shouldn’t get married, who acknowledge that human activity really does influence the environment, that Muslims have rights, that working class women ought to get paid as much as men, and that Barack Obama is a U.S. citizen.

Of course, they still hate Obama with a white-hot fury. But hey, it’s a start.