So this guy, Steve Pfeister, runs a fitness center in Vero Beach, Florida. He’s just sitting there in his office a couple weeks ago, right? Minding his own business and all, when guess what happens next. Never mind, don’t bother guessing, on account of I’m about to tell you what happens next.
A .40 caliber bullet rips through the wall, is what happens next. Rips right through the damned wall and hits Stevo in the right leg. But this is a .40 cal round, and it has less respect for the structural integrity of the human leg than it does for the wall. So it goes completely through Steve’s right leg and grazes his left leg. Guy’s sitting in his office and he gets shot in both legs with one round fired by somebody who’s not even in the same damned room.
Was this a poorly implemented drive-by shooting? No sir, it was not. An assassination attempt by a disgruntled fitness client? No ma’am, it was not. Was this the Amazing Fucking Kreskin with a grudge, shooting through walls with ESP? No, no, no, it was not. Shall I tell you what it was? I believe I will.
It was an otherwise responsible gun owner sitting in the fitness center’s locker room, showing his .40 caliber Glock to another guy who was thinking about buying one. I don’t know which model it was. Maybe the Glock 22, maybe the 23, maybe the — you know what? It doesn’t matter. All three .40 caliber models of the Glock will punch a damned hole through a wall and a leg. That’s why you buy the .40 cal.
Now, you may be wondering why this guy felt he needed such a powerful handgun while he was at the fitness center. I’ll tell you why. Shut up, that’s why. It’s our god-given right as American citizens to tote powerful handguns any fucking place we want. That’s why Paul Revere rode his horse to that one place to warn the common people that the British had landed. Or were arriving. Whatever. Also? You take your .40 cal to the fitness center because you never know when you might be called upon to demonstrate its penetrating capacity by shooting through a wall and a leg. That’s why we have a Second Amendment to the Constitution of These United States.
And think about it logically. If you’re considering buying a weapon for your own personal protection, you want to know for certain and in advance if you can shoot some sumbitch in the next room. If you wait until he’s in the room with you, well hell — then you might just as well buy yourself a fucking sword, right?
You may be wondering if the guy who shot Stevo through the wall and one leg — did that guy get in trouble? No sir or ma’am, he did not. The Indian River County Sheriff’s Office responded to the shooting, as did the Indian River County Fire Rescue squad (all at taxpayer expense, mind you). But the victim, our poor bleeding Steverino, declined to press charges. He declined on account of the gun’s owner was a friend. And (this is my favorite part) he declined to press charges because (and I swear I’m not making this up) he considered his friend to be “an otherwise responsible gun owner.”
Seriously. The guy is totally responsible. You know…when he’s not accidentally shooting folks through the wall.
Some shit you simply cannot make up.
I believe an appropriate response here is “Jeebuz on toast.” Also face.palm.
If you look real close and squint, you can see the face of Santa in the blood spatter on the wall.
Where is the like button for comments when you need it? Very appropriate response!
this is great!
I was not sure what weapon to buy for my new list.
you know, because of Obamacare collapse:
« David John Marotta, a Wall Street expert and financial advisor and Forbes contributor, said in a note to investors, “Firearms are the last item on the list, but they are on the list. There are some terrible people in this world. And you are safer when your trusted neighbors have firearms.”
His memo is part of a series addressing the potential for a “financial apocalypse.” »
[ http://washingtonexaminer.com/be-prepared-wall-street-advisor-recommends-guns-ammo-for-protection-in-collapse/article/2541205 ]
Of course, but don’t forget that the beauty of a sword is you never need to reload.
He probably declined to press charges because the gun’s owner carries around a loaded .40 cal Glock and knows where he lives.
It causes me grievous pain that I didn’t think of that line my ownself.
A responsible gun owner knows that a bullet needs to be chambered at all times? Especially for that two second trained reactions you need to have in order to stop your would be criminal. The sad part is, many people don’t handle nor practice with their firearms to understand the responsibilities given them in quick moments where they think it will be used. Role playing and target shooting are important for those times you are planning on exhibiting those skills to a buddy in the locker room.
I love your writing voice. I’ve read a few of your posts now and grinned through all of them. Completely agree with you too – keep them coming.
Gee, am I happy to be far away …
Perhaps this idiot should strengthen his brain and not his body? Who plays show and tell in a locker room? And a gun? Really?
And there it is: the real reason why so many people are so against citizens arming themselves. Most gun owners are about as responsible as a brick. They buy guns to feed their egos and impress friends. Beyond that they have little idea what in the world to do with them, and are potentially more deadly than a criminal trying to rob you.