So this guy, Steve Pfeister, runs a fitness center in Vero Beach, Florida. He’s just sitting there in his office a couple weeks ago, right? Minding his own business and all, when guess what happens next. Never mind, don’t bother guessing, on account of I’m about to tell you what happens next.

A .40 caliber bullet rips through the wall, is what happens next. Rips right through the damned wall and hits Stevo in the right leg. But this is a .40 cal round, and it has less respect for the structural integrity of the human leg than it does for the wall. So it goes completely through Steve’s right leg and grazes his left leg. Guy’s sitting in his office and he gets shot in both legs with one round fired by somebody who’s not even in the same damned room.

Was this a poorly implemented drive-by shooting? No sir, it was not. An assassination attempt by a disgruntled fitness client? No ma’am, it was not. Was this the Amazing Fucking Kreskin with a grudge, shooting through walls with ESP? No, no, no, it was not. Shall I tell you what it was? I believe I will.

.40 caliber Glock 23 — superior penetrating power, bitches

It was an otherwise responsible gun owner sitting in the fitness center’s locker room, showing his .40 caliber Glock to another guy who was thinking about buying one. I don’t know which model it was. Maybe the Glock 22, maybe the 23, maybe the — you know what? It doesn’t matter. All three .40 caliber models of the Glock will punch a damned hole through a wall and a leg. That’s why you buy the .40 cal.

Now, you may be wondering why this guy felt he needed such a powerful handgun while he was at the fitness center. I’ll tell you why. Shut up, that’s why. It’s our god-given right as American citizens to tote powerful handguns any fucking place we want. That’s why Paul Revere rode his horse to that one place to warn the common people that the British had landed. Or were arriving. Whatever. Also? You take your .40 cal to the fitness center because you never know when you might be called upon to demonstrate its penetrating capacity by shooting through a wall and a leg. That’s why we have a Second Amendment to the Constitution of These United States.

And think about it logically. If you’re considering buying a weapon for your own personal protection, you want to know for certain and in advance if you can shoot some sumbitch in the next room. If you wait until he’s in the room with you, well hell — then you might just as well buy yourself a fucking sword, right?

You may be wondering if the guy who shot Stevo through the wall and one leg — did that guy get in trouble? No sir or ma’am, he did not. The Indian River County Sheriff’s Office responded to the shooting, as did the Indian River County Fire Rescue squad (all at taxpayer expense, mind you). But the victim, our poor bleeding Steverino, declined to press charges. He declined on account of the gun’s owner was a friend. And (this is my favorite part) he declined to press charges because (and I swear I’m not making this up) he considered his friend to be “an otherwise responsible gun owner.”

Seriously. The guy is totally responsible. You know…when he’s not accidentally shooting folks through the wall.

Some shit you simply cannot make up.